From Children-funny

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was
stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout
from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer
the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?'

5 ) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and
continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should
ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said
as she extended her foot toward me, 'wouldyou please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got
back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at
me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What did he do?'

7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As
I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned
and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning'

9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father
always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole
he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm
just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write,
and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy
called out. 'What have you got there , dear?' With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.