Being Who You Aren’t

I find it difficult to write, for the same reason I find it difficult to act like myself in public, or find a job I want. It’s hard to act like yourself in public, and by public I am including the blogsphere and well as face-to-face. For most people, at an early age we are taught to separate our personalities for the occasion. We pick up on societal norms, and learn that some things are appropriate at work, school, home, and in relationships. We pick up on the expectations of those around us, and construct an idea of how to act.

The Path of Least Resistance

As a rule, a river tend to take the path of least resistance. In the same way, animals (and people) respond to stimulation. An animal may learn that eating a certain fruit results in being sick. A child may learn that acting a certain way in school leads to being picked on. Just like that, we tend to adapt. If the results we get from doing something are bad, we learn that not to take that action—at least not at certain times or places.

Intelligence and Impressions

Smart people (particularly smarts kids) seem to pick up on these things first. The people that I see with the most problems with their identity are generally intelligent enough to know what other people are thinking about them. This has some positive results when you are talking about business. Most of the time, generating an impression (or first impression) is key to getting what you want, be it a job, sale, entry into school, or anything else.

College Entry Essays

How massively boring is reading college entry essays? My pity knows no bounds for the person that has to do it. The really ironic part about it is that if you take a hundred people at random off the street, sit down for coffee and say “Tell me about you? Your life? What you do and what you care about?” its one in a hundred that are truly boring. Lack of education, age, where they are from- when you really roll it all together, every person (with rare exceptions) has an interesting story to tell. They have love, hates, ups, and downs. They have talents that set them apart. Still, all these young and aspiring artists, engineers—young adults full of dreams… write 99% boring, dull, predictable essays because they are cultured to believe that is what they should do.

Into the Corporate Bubble

And then they get out of college- and now every college prides itself o being a place of variety, multicultural influences, and self expression… but to survive and prosper in the academic world, the smartest among us learn to adapt. We adopt a series of behaviors that get us to our goals faster—get papers signed, get good grades for us. Write in this style, draw in this style, this is how its done here. I was thinking about Salvador Dali and FedEx. It’s a good question, right? What do Salvador Dali ad FedEx have in common? Mostly, they were visionary. Fredrick Smith envisioned a circular system that took into account advancing technology. Dali, in a much different way, made art that addresses the philosophy of an era and questioned what was meaningful about art. Both of these men provided something of value that didn’t exist before they deviated to bring it into the world, and neither did so by fitting into a predetermined mold that society had set for them.

I think the scariest thing for young people trying to support themselves and advance their career is losing track of their own identity underneath the layers we learn to function in society. Think about dressing up for a job interview. People tend to go the drab corporate route. When you design your resume, you use a template so that it will look professional (like all the rest of the professional resumes). When you get an art collection together you’re conscious of what else is in gallery. People strive for a normalcy imposed by their society, from a set of conditions they’ve learned.

Being Happy with Who Your Aren’t

The biggest challenge to your happiness comes from behind the mask. I personally know at least 20 people that are living mediocre lives. The dislike their jobs or relationships, and question what they are doing. The feel dissatisfied, or feel that they do not use their talent. I have been guilty of it at times as well, and that’s why I can say it.

I think to feel satisfied, you have to identify who you are. More that, you have to let your unique identity be a visible part of your life. By showing quirks and flaws, you seem more human. I have been in hiring situations. I have also been the buyer (if you’ve never hired someone, you’ve definitely listened to someone trying to sell you something at some point in your life. The difference is that a potential employee is trying to sell themselves and their abilities, while a salesperson is trying to sell a product or service). Its basic sales 101 to try to develop a relationship with a customer. Share personal experiences, try to find about them. Let them talk about their lives. Try to relate to them as people.

People like people. People like people who they can identify with, or see something of themselves in their problems, joys, and concerns. Most people would be better served in their relationships—business and personal, by acting like themselves.

Have you ever been in a romantic relationship, and the first few weeks were great. Then comes surprise after surprise and, well, you both are nothing like you thought. Under the surface it was all different. The same in business, have you ever presented yourself as the neat corporate perfect worker? And then you get a job, a job that drives you crazy because you can’t stand being neat perfect and corporate 40 hours a week.

Presenting Yourself as Who You Are

Achieving contentment, as defined by me-spending the biggest part of your time doing the things you most want to do and the smallest part of your time doing the things you least want to do- can only be achieved by presenting yourself as who you are, and to do that you have to at least have some idea who you are yourself.

Don’t present yourself as corporate suit and tie, reserved and quiet if what you want is an artsy job with loads of creative potential. Because I’m sure that the people who want an artsy outgoing person are ducking and covering when you walk in wearing the suit. And if they wanted the uptight corporate professional… then they’ll be disappointed in interviewing and artsy creative outgoing person. Good, let them keep looking until they find someone like that. The biggest thing is matching you to what you do, and presenting yourself in a way to get the opportunities that you want, not just the ones that you can get.