French Desperately Cling to Nine Year Old Urine Sample

L'Equipe and a French spokesperson by the name of Pierre Bordry are still clinging to a urine sample of Lance Armstrong in the hope that it will somehow chemically alter itself after 9 years to prove that Armstrong was and presumably IS a cheater in his chosen sport of the Tour de Lance, er, France.
Armstrong, who has basically owned the event over the years has been speaking of making a comeback in the sport but the French are unable to bring themselves to the point of accepting yet another trashing by the ultimate cyclist. They hope that a urine sample, taken in 1999 will prove that Armstrong tested positive for EPO, a blood-boosting hormone that enhances endurance.
The Rag Box is demanding a urine sample from the staff of L'Equipe as well as Bordry to prove that they are not on some sort of "dope," according to Rag Box French Urine Testing spokesperson, Raul Gonsalvez.

"L'Equipe plans to hold on to Armstrong's urine specimen until the next century, when the sample is expected to be rancid enough to test as a biochemical weapon, thus placing Armstrong clearly in the line of fire with cycling authorities," according to Gonsalvez.

"They won't stop until the urine has completely crystallized," suggested Gonsalvez, indicating that on the open market, urine crystals are akin to methamphetamine.

"They sell the stuff all the time as crystal meth here in Paris," stated Gonsalvez. "The French have been smoking it for years. But no one has told them that it's really Armstrong's piss. There are no B samples to test against Armstrong's A samples of urine from 1999 because basically, the French used up the B samples during a L'Equipe New Year's party last year."

Party on.