Limbaugh's Ratings Plummet on Obama's Warning

President Barack (Hussein) Obama issued a stern warning yesterday to House Republicans and other mentally deficient rubes who listen to Rush Limbaugh, a formerly popular radio humorist.

"You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done," said the President.

It was unclear whether multi-taskers were included in the statement, but response from the public was immediate. Loyal Americans quickly turned off their radios and began to clean out their garages, prepare their tax returns, and rearrange junk drawers.

"My productivity has increased over two hundred percent since I quit listening to Rush," said Barney Frank, who is in no way responsible for the financial meltdown in the mortgage industry. "I'm even thinking about starting a garden this Spring. Nothing like bright, colorful tulips to make a happy start to your day."

"This just goes to show that the Republican Party has become a small, regional band of misfits who no longer understand what the American people want," said Rachel Maddow, who actually says things like that."The old politics is over. We need to move beyond that, and republicans just don't get it. We need to put aside our differences and blindly follow anyone who can put together a catchy slogan. Americans don't want to think, they want to collect paychecks from easy, good-paying jobs. Who wants to listen to a crank like Limbaugh when she could be making twenty dollars an hour with full benefits changing light bulbs in government buildings?"

"Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot," said Al Franken, a pioneer in the field of creative mathematics. "See? I told you so."

"Sarah Palin can't read," said Chris Matthews in a valiant attempt to appear relevant. "She has to listen to the radio. Hahaha."

House Republican Ron Paul simply shook his head and sighed.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment and rumored to be pleased about it.




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