Happy New Years to me!

I had an awesome New Years eve. I hope some of you did too. Those of you that I like. The rest of you, I couldn’t give a fuck less how your New Years was. Last night 3 good things happened to me.

1- I saw a broad fall down some stairs.

2- I may have ended a marriage.

3- I won $878 playing poker.

Here’s how my night went. I’ve been supplementing my increasingly more frequent trips to Vegas by driving to Foxwoods Casino in CT. I hate the long drive and the service sucks there but the poker tables are loose. Lot’s of suckers. Anyway, so I get to Foxwoods last night. I’m with that nit wit Jimmy Hooligan. We pull into the parking lot and find a spot near on the last level of the garage. The place is pretty mobbed. As we’re walking through the lot towards the stairs I notice a group of 4 people. 2 pretty hot broads and 2 greasy douchbags. The broads are all slutted up with slinky dresses and super high heels. They’re all acting the fool and being loud. Naturally they need to be the center of attention at all times. We’re probably 10 steps behind these idiots when they reach the stairs. Naturally they don’t stop and hold the door open. We get in the landing and I yell “Hey thanks for holding the door, jerk.” and then the magic happened. They all turned to look at me and one of the whores had already started down the stairs. She must have caught her heel or lost her balance because she went right down the stairs. Ass over tea kettle. I had the most glorious view of it too. That cunt hit the bottom of the stairwell and her legs were a twisted wreck of broken whore bones. Her dress was pulled up and her thong was on display but unfortunately her screaming distracted my attention before I could think to take out my camera phone.  She’s screaming and the idiots she is with don’t have a clue as to what to do. I tell Jimmy to get a move on because I want to hit the tables. He’s a bit stunned but we start walking. I actually step over the whore’s head to get to the door. As i open the door to go into the casino I turn to the group of jerks and say “That’s what ya get for not having manners!” fuck them.

We get to the poker room and I tell Jimmy to get lost. I don’t want him to jinx me. I sit down at an open spot and buy in for $300. The table looks like a bunch of gas station attendants and restaurant dishwashers. 4 people are wearing sports team jerseys. Dummies. The guy to my left is with his chick. After watching several hands I can tell that this guy is the only one at the table with a clue. He’s actually very good.  I get involved with a few hands and hang about even for the first 20 minutes or so. The dude to my left is cleaning up. His chick is about a 6 nothing special at all. Kinda chubby. I decide that my strategy will be to get him off his game by talking to her. I start making small talk with her. Totally ignoring him. He keeps eying me but trying to keep his cool. I start to up the ante and get more personal with her. I could tell she was enjoying the attention. I knew she found me attractive. Most women do. She is still playing it cool. I tell her that I work with models and I think she’d be great (I was lying.) She seemed flattered but her hubby FINALLY tells me to back off. I look at him and he is beat fucking red. I don’t say a word and just hand her my business card. She takes it and is conflicted because she knows he is getting pissed but she is still intrigued. Anyway, this dude is trying to play while all this shit is happening and is totally distracted. He finally has enough when she takes my card and he racks his chips and gets up and leaves. I proceed to take over the table and kick the snot out of the rest of the table for the next 4 hours. I played right through the ball dropping. Who gives a fuck. I was actually up about $1100 when some jackass made a retarded call on my bluff to take down a good size pot. That’s when I scooped up my chips, called him a dumb faggot and walked away. Final tally $878 in profits. Walking back to the car with Jimmy, my cell rings and it’s the married broad from the poker table earlier. She says “I really enjoyed talking to you and want to know more about this modeling business.” I just said “All you need to know about the modeling business is that you are too fat to be in it.” and hung up.

2009 is going to be a good year. For me.

Jack