Stalker Gone Wild

Shit finally came to a head yesterday with the whore that’s been following me around and showering me with gifts. I don’t mind the gifts (and I told her that)but the stalking has to stop! Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m getting ready to leave my parking lot to go to the bank machine and then to shoot a whore. I notice Stalky McStalkstein sitting in her car near the back of the lot. I get out of my car and head right over to her. She rolled down her window and I asked her what she was doing there and if I could borrow $275 for a couple of weeks. She started making small talk and saying how happy she was to see me and all that stupid shit. I told her I was in a rush and I needed the cash. Pronto. She said that she was a little short after paying my electric bill this month. What the fuck ever. I don’t have time for deadbeats so I turned and started to walk away. She starts freaking out.

Stalky: Jack! Wait! I need to talk to you!

Me: Well I need $275 you selfish cunt. Why is it always about you??

Stalky: I have some money. I just don’t have that much right now. I can get it though.

Me: The only thing I hate worse than a cheap bitch is a liar. You are a cheap liar! I hate your guts, LIAR!

This is where she totally loses her shit. She went absolutely mental. She starts pulling on her own hair and crying. She was trying to rip her hair right out of her fucking empty head. It was awesome! She starts screaming shit that was making absolutely no sense. Making animal noises and shit. I couldn’t help but fucking laugh. She looked like such an idiot. She started yelling at me that I love her or some shit. In between belly laughs I tell her that I’d never love such a psycho.

She finally collapses on the ground as the police roll up. They as what’s up and I explain that everything is fine. She’s just a dillusional cunt that thinks someone will love her despite her craziness! I could tell they wanted to laugh but couldn’t. One of the cops reached down to help her up and she swatted at his arm.

Me: Arrest her. I saw the whole thing. That’s fucking assault!

Stalky: I just wanted to be left alone! I wanna die!

Me: But if you die we can’t live happily ever after together…. nah just kidding, psycho.

At this point I realize I’m fucking way late for the shoot. I turn and head back to my car. She jumps up and lunges at me. The cops grab her and she keeps struggling to get at me. I keep heading on my way. I look back in the rearview mirror and see the boys in blue playing stickball with her head their billyclubs.

Ya just have to laugh at the situations these dumb whores get themselves into. I guess that’s why they’re whores and I’m a professional businessman. I take care of business and leave the drama at the door.

Jack