At Magick Sandwich, we love a parade. We're not made of stone, after all. Once again, the Yankees are champions of baseball!!! So, let me take a moment to explain the title of this post. When I say zeroes, I am not referring to a lack of talent, simply to the excess of zeroes on these people's... ( This is a content summary only. Please click on the title link to read the full story.) Read Full Story

Us Weekly breathlessly reports up to the minute news from the front lines of celebrity vanity projects. It just posted this vital update to its website.Reese Witherspoon: My New FragranceReflects "My Life" Really? That's awesome, Reese. So I guess it smells like highlights, tooth whitener and Jake Gyllenhaal's taint. I know there are more than a few readers out there wishing for a scratch 'n sniff of that last one. Avon calling! Read Full Story

At Life Without Feck, we love nothing more than a feckless group of kids. I just heard this on the corner of 29th Street and 35th Avenue in Queens and submitted it to Overheard in New York:Group of children in costume, chanting in unison:WE WANT MORE CANDY!WE WANT MORE CANDY!NO MORE APPLES!NO MORE APPLES!Ironically, the New Yorkers who used to dress like every day was Halloween and ingest all manner of unknown compounds in the name of fun have grown into puckered-butt adults afraid of refine... Read Full Story

Onion News Network's Today Now shows worried parents How to Find a Masculine Costume for Your Effeminate Son.Still to Come: How to Squat in Your Foreclosed HomeMore Advice from Today Now:Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Children Less Attractive Read Full Story

From Friday's New York Times: Parent alert: the Walt Disney Company is now offering refunds for all those “Baby Einstein” videos that did not make children into geniuses. Obviously, Disney has not been delivering on its implied promise to parents buying Einstein and its other titles, Baby Mozart,... ( This is a content summary only. Please click on the title link to read the full story.) Read Full Story

Here at Magick Sandwich HQ, we've got nothing to say but it's okay. Good morning, good morning, good morning! --from The New Yorker's Cartoon Bank More Mondays: Magick Monday Manscaping Magick Monday Cartoon Just Another Magick Monday ( This is a content summary only. Please click on the title link to read the full story.) Read Full Story

From today's New York Times: The Politics of Spite by Paul Krugman There was what President Obama likes to call a teachable moment last week, when the International Olympic Committee rejected Chicago’s bid to be host of the 2016 Summer Games. “Cheers erupted” at the headquarters of the... ( This is a content summary only. Please click on the title link to read the full story.) Read Full Story

Don't get me wrong: I think it's great that Angelina Jolie is helping raise awareness of the plight of the Somalis. But do these refugees want to give her a bowl of rice?Seriously, her wasted muscles are straining to keep her huge head from toppling off its stalk into the poor woman's lap. Maybe instead of the baseball cap, the U.N. could have her wear a drinking helmet like this:Just replace the cola with one of those protein drinks made for the elderly and bedridden, like Ensure. A volunte... Read Full Story

September is the time of year when fashion magazines try to outdo each other with the "mine is bigger than yours" competition usually reserved for the boys. Vogue won the prize this year at just under two and a half pounds, with 447 of its 584 pages devoted to ad space. This season's mandate:... ( This is a content summary only. Please click on the title link to read the full story.) Read Full Story

It's a beautiful day outside and I have thrown open my windows. (Okay, I opened them gently: throwing them sounds strenous and needlessly violent.) As a result, I do not have the white noise of my air conditioner to buffer the sounds of city living.A quick rundown: right now I am hearing street traffic, a subway train passing on the elevated tracks, a jackhammer...and birds. I am used to all of this. Unless my attention is drawn to it, I don't really notice this soundtrack. I can filter it o... Read Full Story