she promised me a candle lit dinner for two.i provided the candles, she ate the dinners. that's the way it is with her, and i told she had to change her ways.so she started eating with her fork in her right hand. we lifted our spirits, and drank them.then we really lifted our spirits and went for a ride on a roller coaster.just as our rattling cart reached the top and were about to scream down a sheer drop, she told me she needed the toilet.i said she'd just have to hold it in.i don't think s... Read Full Story

I find myself saying hmmmm quite a lot.it's quite useful.Preferable to saying something like 'what a @@££$$%%^^ ing stupid idea', but it's a bit of a cop out.It does imply that I am thinking about what you said, when in reality I probably don't care. So if I write Hmmm in one of my blogs or my comments, I give you permission to write something rude back to me. That fair enough? OK, well, let's give that a try shall we? Ready? Hmmmmm .... Comments Read Full Story

it doesn't seem fair that the government is happy to spend billions, if not trillions, on keeping banks afloat. but it just sat back and let woolworths die. i miss woolies.     Comments Read Full Story

her hair gleamed in the autumn sunlight.so she took her wig off the washing line, put it back on her bald head, and adjusted her knickers with such vigour that the elastic snapped and catapulted her over the shed roof and into the pig sty.the air was blue, and her wig was back in the washing machine. then, she realised - we were supposed to be entering the ballroom dancing competition at the Faggots and Gravy workingmens club!thinking quickly, she raced to the car boot sale and chose a wig.ra... Read Full Story

well, looks like the postal strike in the uk is over, for the time being. this is bad news. i suppose there's now no excuse for not sending christmas cards this year. (sob) Comments Read Full Story

this is my own unofficial eagle eye survey ...i just thought it would be interesting for all of us to compare with others.i'd particularly like to get some good answers to the last question... how long have you been blogging? do you blog anywhere else or just here? what time of day do you usually blog and why? do you blog because you enjoy it or does it just fill up some time? what could be done to make blogging here a more pleasant and enjoyable experience?   Comments Read Full Story

i was fascinated to read that wizards in japan are producing spectacles that can translate foreign languages.clever devils.  you just stand there reading your own glasses and speaking fluent mesopotamian.brilliant. but, have they invented a pair of glasses that doesn't slip annoyingly down your nose, or end up tilting at a 45 degree angle because the arms have got a bit warped? no, i thought not.my nose is twitching as i write, trying to keep the glasses in roughly the right place. but i supp... Read Full Story

this is a bit ranty, which is not like me ... but ... so there's a big fuss about politicians abusing the system and making loads of money on expenses.then everyone says it's awful and something must be done about it, and we are promised a complete overhaul to restore trust.then an inquiry concludes that, among other things, politicians should not be allowed to employ members of their family and pay them lots of taxpayers dosh. so far, so good... but now politicians have decided they don't li... Read Full Story

i floored the accelerator and quickly gained ground on the milk float.we took the corner at speed and the door of the reliant robin turbo flew open.but she didn't even flinch.just stuck her hand out, grabbed the milkman's semi-skimmed and screamed at me to speed up. we got away with it, but scared the living daylights out of the elderly people queueing up to choose their bonkbuster from the mobile library.she yelled with happiness, and all the windows shattered.she yelled even more as the exc... Read Full Story

ode to a late night calory intake... at the end of the daywhen all is said and donei feel the hungerso i reach for a bun the question is, do you have something to eat and drink before bed?if so, what is your night-time snack of choice? night night! Comments Read Full Story