How to survive Auschwitz

Just imagine what Poland's besieged Jewish community might have accomplished with the informational and emotional resources of Twitter and Psychology Today, had they been available back in 1944.

Oy! The tragedy! Even today, Twitter, with its inexhaustible cache of self-styled #lifecoachweasel(s) and green-themed avatars, has stoked me with the emotional support to weather such traumatic events as Iran election riots and the John and Kate divorce.

Speaking of which, we finally hold one honest election in this country, and all of a sudden we're experts?

You doesn't have ta call me Ray

But enough about lost causes. The lightweight champ of this self-help story is author Ray B. Williams, whose new column in Psychology Today, deceptively titled How To Stay Happy During the Recession, actually dispenses valuable Auschwitz survival advice!

Talk about burying the lead!

(For those who avert their eyes from supermarket checkout displays, Psychology Today is a fluffy periodical whose hit-and-run analysis lets people feel good about themselves — even when they shouldn't.)

Thanks to Twitter for hipping me to Ray B. Williams's work, via this perky tweet from the professionally excited @CarolLeavitt, whose Twitter bio describes her as: Serial entrepreneur! Leadership coach! Author & Lecturer! Educator with boundless energy!

Well, I like being happy! And who knows? Maybe the author will also clear up that mystery over who moved my cheese.

Don't worry, be sappy

At first skim, Ray B. Williams appears to recycle familiar platitudes the ruling class feeds to beaten serfs after stripping them of all treasure and dignity: Pursue meaningful life goals. Learn how to live in the present moment. Nurture meaningful relationships.

Boring! Tried all that. Didn't work. I'm still broke, and praying for death.

But then, a revelation!

Focus on your strengths rather than your weaknesses.

Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl wrote in his best seller, Man's Search for Meaning…that those people in the concentration camps that focused on their inner strengths and choosing how they viewed things, were happier and better survivors [emphasis added]….

I get it now. If I want to Stay Happy During the Recession, all I gotta do is emulate those happy concentration camp survivors!

Hitler said it best

Just stay positive, and life will take care of itself. It's like Hitler said: "If those Jews in Auschwitz all die, I'll just find some Jews with a better attitude to take their place!"

Difficult to keep your focus, though. Now I'm imagining a Recession in Auschwitz. Shudder! The perfect storm!

No, no, no! Don't give in to negativity! Do you want to be one of the "happier and better" concentration camp survivors Ray B. Williams (co-founder of Success IQ University!) wrote about, or one of those loser survivors?

Just noticed the word concentration in the phrase concentration camp is hyperlinked in Ray B. Williams' article. Hyperlink points to glossary entry (titled, "Psychology Today looks at Concentration") reading, "Not being able to pay attention leads to a state worse than death: boredom."

Does anybody edit this shit?

Whatever. You know what? If you got it, I'm gonna survive it. Know why? 'Cause I'm a survivor, that's why! Take that, Recession! You too, Auschwitz!

And hey, Grandma. I wanna get me one of those cool tattoos — just like the one you have on your arm!