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2009-10-23

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I recently read an interesting essay by Glenn Close on the stigma of mental illness. She writes at length about the character she's most noted for:

Alex Forrest is considered by most people to be evil incarnate...yet in my research into her behavior, I only ended up empathizing with her. She was a human being in great psychological pain who definitely needed meds. I consulted with several psychiatrists to better understand the "whys" of what she did and learned that she was far more dangerous to herself than to others.

The original ending of "Fatal Attraction" actually had Alex commit suicide. But that didn't "test" well. Alex had terrified the audiences and they wanted her punished for it.

Basically, they ended up sticking a knife in Alex's hand, making her death the result of an act of self-defense. Because the audience certainly couldn't wind up feeling in any way sorry for her. She's a villain, plain and simple, and not anyone that we wish to better understand.

20-plus years later, Alex Forrest is the prototypical "crazy bitch." Her actions and behaviors have entered the popular consciousness.

I caught myself not long ago referring to someone as a "potential bunny boiler." It's funny, right? It's okay for me, as someone with "disordered thinking" (at best) to poke fun, isn't it?

And yet it wasn't okay for certain ex-boyfriends to refer to me as "psycho" or "fucking crazy." It was hurtful, and I didn't have the words back then to explain to them what was going on in my head, because I didn't understand it myself, choosing as I did to self-medicate with whatever I could get my hands on.

I let their disparaging remarks define me for a long time. I knew something was wrong with me, but rather than take the initiative (and some personal responsibility) and do something about it, I continued to tear through my own life like it was a cardboard representation of Tokyo, making excuses for my destructive decisions and volatile behavior: because I couldn't help myself. Because I chose not to help myself.

If I think about it, many of the people I most love and respect in my life suffer from some kind of mental disorder. Depression. Addiction. Anxiety. Bipolar disorder. They all live full and productive lives. You don't hear the success stories nearly enough. And there are so many success stories. I'm surrounded by them.

But the stigma is there. You're flawed or weak or lack willpower. You just need to snap out of it and do some yoga. You're dangerous. Crazy. Psycho.

I know how much it hurt me to hear those things coming from people I thought I loved. And yet I still find myself tossing these very terms around without thinking. I don't mean to sound hyper-PC here. When I say these things, it's often in reference to someone I identify with all too well, but would rather I didn't. Flailing angrily at that which I recognize in myself. If I point the finger at YOU, I can ignore the three fingers that would be pointing back at ME if they weren't practically balled into a fist.

I've been blessed recently to have people come into my life who are living with mental health issues that far eclipse my own. The grace and humor with which they do so humbles me. I believe that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. It's time for me to learn some lessons about myself.

lisamcc at 4:05 p.m.

2 comments so far
Jess
2009-10-23 23:26:28
Amen! EVERYONE is "fucked up" in SOME way or another. Almost everyone I know has been on SOME med for something at some point in their life. (um, or probably should, heh). It seems like everyone is depressed, has ADD, social anxiety disorder, addictive personality, etc... I think that now, more than ever, there's much less of a "stigma" about being "crazy." Unfortunately, I think the pharm companies have a lot to do with it. "Hey, you're nuts... that's totally OK... just take our drug!" Anyway, I remember way back after seeing "Fatal Attraction," a lot of people were saying that as "crazy" as she was... it was essentially a movie about not fucking with a woman's emotions. I hadn't seen it that way, and I liked the "new" perspective.
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LisaMcC
2009-10-24 00:04:50
While I agree that the pharm companies push meds to an inordinate degree, and that alternative therapies need to be explored more, I know a great many people who simply could not function without medication.
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