Hello Everyone. This is Mrs. Sensei. You are probably wondering where my husband is. Last night he was rushed to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. It turns out those little alien things in his stomach where actually appendicitis. After much deliberation, the doctors took his appendix out.He wanted me to tell you all that he, and his reviews, will be back soon. And the morphine is awesome! Read Full Story
Status: NewIt's official. I'm going to live.I stared death in the eye. I ducked, dodged and alluded men whose names end in M.D. I turned away the reaper's advances. And I ate something other than crackers.I feel better. Of course, this is me we're talking about and if you've read this blog with any sort of regularity, you know that the ironically unfortunate is constantly drawn to me. Like a child star to rehab.I spend my nights hoping to one day find Murphy, take his Law ... Read Full Story
Status: NewGood news. I didn't die today. Yet.I did, however, discover that the teethy stars in the 36-hour marathon of horror and pain that is the inside of my stomach, are alive and doing well. And I'm pretty sure they are multiplying. Like a pair of love-struck bunnies.The pain has not subsided. It has, in fact, remained constant. Constantly there. Constantly shooting. Constantly giving me the figurative middle finger, mocking me and silently laughing, as I sit here and starve. I&#... Read Full Story
Status: NewI can't remember the last time I licked a raw chicken breast. I don't know a man named Montezuma nor do I understand why he would be seeking revenge against me.And I've done my best to avoid water, shellfish or vegetables that have been seasoned with poo.So, I'm at a loss as to how I can accurately explain the utter hell that has been unleashed in my abdomen.But I think I need a new stomach. I will spare you the details, but just know that I realize there is a teeth... Read Full Story
Status: NewThis is my 88th post. For 88 days, give or take, I have watched The Oprah Winfrey Show. I have listened to descriptions of poop. Heard about heroin-addicted families. Learned words like "va-jay-jay" and endured Jim Carrey. I've willingly offered up valuable sections of my brain and leased it out to facts about varicose veins. And why women pee when they laugh. I didn't think there was much, minus "Tori & Dean," that would produce more moments that wo... Read Full Story
Status: NewMy wife and I were married on the sixth of June.May.August.April. So, on the sixth of each month, we have "date night." Our friends watch Baby Sensei #1 and Baby Sensei #2 while the wife and I enjoy the freedom of being without children. We let loose and get a little crazy. At Chili's. Or Red Lobster.Today is the sixth. And on today's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, O joins up with Lisa Ling to interview a son who murdered his family, as well as the father who ... Read Full Story
Dear Oprah- I haven't been completely honest with you. I don't know where to start. I guess there's never an easy way to tell this to someone you care about, so here it goes. You've been different lately. Not the same person I've been with for the past few months. Somber. Down. Almost unhappy. Maybe it was the heroin-addicted family. The mom who accidentally killed her daughter. The mastectomy and Suze Orman. I'll admit it. That's a lot to handle in one week. But i... Read Full Story
Status: NewApparently, someone invited acid reflux to the party in my stomach right now. It's funny because I don't remember telling A-R about this latest get together, but whatever. I haven't the time to deal with it given that projectile hurling, explosive diarrhea and "they might as well be menstrual" stomach cramps are trying to crash the festivities, too. I went to the State Fair of Texas today. If you've been to the fair before, you are acutely aware of what I ... Read Full Story
Status: NewGiven the choice of French waxing, stilettos and trendy tips for couscous or episodes like this, give me the talcum powder and tweezers. Today was about as enjoyable as watching Cloris Leachman on "Dancing with the Stars." And while I want nothing more than to make you laugh, this one just might make you cry.I don't understand our fascination with train wrecks. Real or otherwise. I'm a guilty as the next person of slamming my breaks as if I was about to run over a... Read Full Story
Status: NewI don't know anyone who builds skyscrapers. Nor do I have a clue as to the identity of those who design them, how or why they do what they do. But to all of those unknown masters of their construction craft, I say, "thank you."Because of you, and the sealed windows with which you complete your concrete, glass and steel masterpieces, I am still here.Today, for the better part of eight hours, I cursed every engineer, architect, designer and foreman of my office building... Read Full Story
