matts1125

Hello Everyone. This is Mrs. Sensei. You are probably wondering where my husband is. Last night, he was rushed to the hospital with severe abdominal pain. It turns out the group of little alien things in his stomach was actually appendicitis. After much deliberation, the doctors took his appendix out. He wanted me to tell you all that he, and his reviews, will be back soon.  And the morphine is awesome! Read Full Story

Hello Everyone.  This is Mrs. Sensei.  You are probably wondering where my husband is.  Last night he was rushed to the hospital with severe abdominal pain.  It turns out those little alien things in his stomach where actually appendicitis.  After much deliberation, the doctors took his appendix out. He wanted me to tell you all that he, and his reviews, will be back soon.  And the morphine is awesome! Read Full Story

Status: New It's official. I'm going to live. I stared death in the eye. I ducked, dodged and alluded men whose names end in M.D. I turned away the reaper's advances.  And I ate something other than crackers. I feel better. Of course, this is me we're talking about and if you've read this blog with any sort of regularity, you know that the ironically unfortunate is constantly drawn to me. Like a child star to rehab. I spend my nights hoping to one day find Murphy, take his Law and shove it up... Read Full Story

Status: New It's official. I'm going to live. I stared death in the eye. I ducked, dodged and alluded men whose names end in M.D. I turned away the reaper's advances.  And I ate something other than crackers. I feel better. Of course, this is me we're talking about and if you've read this blog with any sort of regularity, you know that the ironically unfortunate is constantly drawn to me. Like a child star to rehab. I spend my nights hoping to one day find Murphy, take his Law and shove it up... Read Full Story

Status: New Good news.  I didn't die today. Yet. I did, however, discover that the teethy stars in the 36-hour marathon of horror and pain that is the inside of my stomach, are alive and doing well. And I'm pretty sure they are multiplying.  Like a pair of love-struck bunnies. The pain has not subsided. It has, in fact, remained constant.  Constantly there.  Constantly shooting.  Constantly giving me the figurative middle finger, mocking me and silently laughing, as I sit here and starve.  I... Read Full Story

Status: New Good news.  I didn't die today. Yet. I did, however, discover that the teethy stars in the 36-hour marathon of horror and pain that is the inside of my stomach, are alive and doing well. And I'm pretty sure they are multiplying.  Like a pair of love-struck bunnies. The pain has not subsided. It has, in fact, remained constant.  Constantly there.  Constantly shooting.  Constantly giving me the figurative middle finger, mocking me and silently laughing, as I sit here and starve... Read Full Story

Status: New I can't remember the last time I licked a raw chicken breast.  I don't know a man named Montezuma nor do I understand why he would be seeking revenge against me. And I've done my best to avoid water, shellfish or vegetables that have been seasoned with poo. So, I'm at a loss as to how I can accurately explain the utter hell that has been unleashed in my abdomen. But I think I need a new stomach.  I will spare you the details, but just know that I realize there is a teethy little... Read Full Story

Status: New I can't remember the last time I licked a raw chicken breast.  I don't know a man named Montezuma nor do I understand why he would be seeking revenge against me. And I've done my best to avoid water, shellfish or vegetables that have been seasoned with poo. So, I'm at a loss as to how I can accurately explain the utter hell that has been unleashed in my abdomen. But I think I need a new stomach.  I will spare you the details, but just know that I realize there is a teethy little... Read Full Story

Status: New This is my 88 th post. For 88 days, give or take, I have watched The Oprah Winfrey Show. I have listened to descriptions of poop. Heard about heroin-addicted families. Learned words like " va -jay-jay" and endured Jim Carrey . I've willingly offered up valuable sections of my brain and leased it out to facts about varicose veins.  And why women pee when they laugh.  I didn't think there was much, minus " Tori & Dean ," that would produce more moments that would have me seriously... Read Full Story

Status: New My wife and I were married on the sixth of  June. May. August. April.  So, on the sixth of each month, we have "date night." Our friends watch Baby Sensei #1 and Baby Sensei #2 while the wife and I enjoy the freedom of being without children. We let loose and get a little crazy.  At Chili's.  Or Red Lobster. Today is the sixth. And on today's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, O joins up with Lisa Ling to interview a son who murdered his family, as well as the father who he failed... Read Full Story