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Far more of you than makes sense like to send me 'amusing ' emails. Today I produce a few excerpts - and a sort of commentary from me as far as I can be bothered! .I have taken the hint from your blog that Lady Gaga is actually a man and is your whip thin friend 'Giles' hence your naughty remarks about his 'mangina'- are you sexually ambivalent at all? I am hardly ambivalent Mr B! Is the curate still knitting you some 'wank mittens' as promised?I have also experienced a situation where an e... Read Full Story

I do not often have cause to visit a bank, but in preparation for my Christmas shopping which I like to finish before the end of October, I made a small ‘pilgrimage’. As usual I wanted to ‘withdraw’ £25.00 in crisp ‘fivers’ which I have normally found covers the presents I buy. (I get a lot less back I can tell you!) When I arrived inside the bank I was surprised to find a long queue of people between several temporary barriers awaiting service. Of course I joined the line full of ‘Goodwil... Read Full Story

There has been a lot of talk about 'anti-social behaviour' of late - personally I have often felt like doing some of it myself. I have recently decided to squidge the little wax wrappers of my 'Babybelle lite' cheese into revenge filled balls and leave them carefully on the chairs of my 'colleagues'. I have spotted several going out with red blotches on their nether regions and you know I am glad! Almost no one has had to tolerate the kind of 'anti-social behaviour' that I have suffered re... Read Full Story

I think there are two kinds of people in this world – those that are fond of practical jokes and those who are not. I am one of the second kind of person, but I must say I seem to be surrounded by people who delight in them!Last week a friend suggested as prank that I cook magnesium for my tea. Unappealing as this idea was I gave it a go, and was horribly blinded when the whole pan suddenly ignited. As it was the weekend and I didn't see anyone I did not know until Monday morning when I met... Read Full Story

I have missed this years Autumn Solstice - a first for me as I have written about it every year on blogger since 1971. But the post solstice parties are also worth a mention as they are largely nude. Since the Liberals took over the council, Puffin Night has officially taken a back seat in the press, as it is not to sympathetic to minorities and whatnot. However, this was in reality one of the biggest and best ever - with a massive delegation from the Reykjavik wife swappers club stealing ... Read Full Story

Have you ever had unexplained pains in different parts of your body at all? Nor me till now! I woke up in the night with an excruciating pain in the left side of my jaw. It was so bad I flailed about and I knocked over the “Memento of Corfu” jug that mother got for me when she came back from holiday when I was eleven. Water poured through the floor causing protests from the Mr & Mr on the floor below. I am not saying the floors are thin, but that should not happen should it? But I... Read Full Story

I have decided that my exciting blog needs a revamp and what better theme could there be than “Technology and Gadgets” to interest both my readers, who, like me, are thoroughly modern swinging ‘young’ fellows about town. Being on the cutting edge of technology is an essential matter of life style for we young bucks, and also my Blog sponsor – The British Lard Council – has urged me to write about anything other than lard. Indeed they have banned me from publishing an article I had prepared ... Read Full Story

“How long is a piece of string?” is an answer I sometimes get as a return question to my innocent enquiries. By the time I have puzzled through this puzzling response I usually find the correspondent has left. Indeed –I have found that my many friends knowing of my love of quiet prefer to leave me alone when I go to the pub, many of them vacate the bar when they see me coming, in order that I can drink my ‘Old Lesbian No.9’ (A stout like brew flavoured with crabmeat!) without interruptio... Read Full Story

The land at the top of The Farwaway Tree has changed and the Quasimodo Convention has disappeared chuckling and clanking into the darkness leaving behind bevies of distraught lady howler monkeys who in 11 short months will give birth to strangely humped radioactive babies obsessed with campanology. Its scorching August in Brodpirt and everything is having a little break as the horribly polluted atmosphere reaches new extremes of temperature, foetid and breathless causing outbreaks of 'asthma... Read Full Story