Biting- How can I get my child to stop?

The majority of toddlers and elementary school children will use their teeth for revenge or to get immediate attention/gratification at one point or another during their early years. Many parents and care givers are at a loss as of what to do when a toddler bites you or another child. What if this becomes a common occurrence in the household - how to you bring it to a halt? Kids will bite for all different kinds of reasons. They are mad, they want revenge, their sister pulled their hair so they bit her, their impatient to wait to play with a desired toy, etc.

The first time biting occurs, it should be made clear to the child that biting is unacceptable and not going to be tolerated. Make sure too much drama isn’t seen by the child who did the biting. Remove them from the scene (comfort the victum in another room. The child in trouble seeing the other child gaining attention will make them feel they have lots of power, or they could be jealous for the affection the other child is getting).
If the child is old enough, try to find out what the motive was. Then you can easily explain that not matter what, biting isn’t an option.
When speaking with the child your voice should be firm, as this is a very serious matter. Try not to get overly upset and yell as this is often less effective because the child is “excited” as they got you to be very upset.

Tessa’s Tips:

If a child bites me, or another child here’s what I do, and it doesn’t take too many times and they find alternatives to reacting by biting me or others.

First and second offense:

• (child’s name), that was very mean to bite (name here). I understand you’re upset, but biting isn’t any way to express your feelings. Biting hurts. You’re going to sit in time out for biting (name here), because it’s very naughty you’ll be sitting for an extra (time amount here) minutes.
• Something to the effects above usually works for children 2 and older. Even though the child isn’t able to speak they can fully understand what you’re saying. They know it’s not nice to bite, but they are going to do it, hoping to get what they want and see if it is allowed.
• Even if the child is younger, you can still talk with them and set them in time out (whatever discipline method you use). Finding the motive in this case is more difficult, but it is usually because they wanted something or got very frustrated. Make sure the toy is not given to them, and they are not rewarded in any way after they have used their teeth in defense or as a weapon.

3+ Offenses:

This is basically the same as the first time, but I take it a step further. To make sure this doesn’t become a habit and if it’s not been clear that biting isn’t allowed I turn the table on them.

• I’ll immediately take the child away from other children if they bit another kid. If they bit me I stop what I’m doing and go forward with the following.
• I’ll take them and pinch them exactly where they bit me or the other child. The severeness of the pinch depends on how severe the bite is. This isn’t meant to “get them back” or to be of ‘equal pain or hurt’ they caused by biting. It’s to get their attention that yes, biting isn’t nice, and it does HURT. As they are pinched they will respond by crying and usually have a very shocked look on their face (disbelief you did this!). That’s ok. They aren’t crying because you’ve hurt them physically- they cry because they have been insulted, their feelings more or less are a bit hurt. They were in power and had control of the situation by biting, and they just realized you took this away. Don’t go out of your way to comfort them as this defeats the purpose of the punishment. Explain to them that it hurt you or the child, and now they understand how it feels. If they continue to go on crying you can set them on the couch or on their bed and allow them to calm down. If you continue to hold them and comfort them they will feel empowered again and the crying will last much longer. Let them know you love them, and after they calm down you’ll hold them.
• After they have calmed down, feel free to pick them up, if they break out into tears again then they aren’t ready to be comforted and held. It’s about the power of wills. Although it’s extremely hard to hear your child crying, giving them attention isn’t in your best interest or theirs in moments like this.
• As there are still 10 children my parents are raising, my mom still believes in biting the child back. Although you may read that this isn’t the correct way to go about things. I can guarantee that will be the last time the child bites you or another person. Some kids just really have to realize the pain associated with biting before they stop. If they’ve never been pinched or bitten they don’t understand the pain and less reason to stop biting. (I’ll leave this option up to you).
• If the child is still biting and they are 3+ years old, after I pinch them and tell them again biting isn’t acceptable I will then send them to time out. Their time starts once they have calmed down and are quiet. After time is up (this type of time out is longer than normal, because of the seriousness of the offense),  I’ll go to the child and ask why they sat, and they’ll be able to tell you. Not too many long time outs and pinches and you’ll not have to worry about them biting anymore.

If you continue to have problems with your child biting I would encourage you to contact me.

If you can make it clear that biting is unacceptable at home then it will be much more likely that the child won’t have issues with biting children at school or day care.

If you feel that the biting is due to the child being frustrated then make an extra effort on how to express these feelings without acting out against others. I often tell kids when they get mad and frustrated to go outside and count to ten, go outside to yell and scream, they may also choose to punch the sky (this is especially effective when they are hitting other kids). Give them another out to be able to freely vent and if they know they aren’t going to be in trouble for doing it, there is a huge incentive for them to use it!