Sean Penn--the Ed Wood of writingThis is the worst piece of crap I've ever read. Most of my English comp students could have done much better. Hey, Sean, regarding commas: "When in doubt, leave them out." You're a hell of an actor, and you should stick to it. This "piece" is the equivalent of a "B" movie--poorly done and unintentionally funny. You should have called it "Mountain of . . ." wel... Read Full Story
'A bunch of noise' to one, boring to another, ignored by the rest German Village, Ohio--I'd been dozing during the John McCain speech here at Schmidt's Sausage Haus und Restaurant when I heard a faint, tinny sound below the drone of Candidate McCain's voice. I opened my eyes and saw the other reporter covering the event listening to something on his headphones. "What're you listening to?" I asked. "Oba... Read Full Story
Pretty-boy Edwards caught by 'Enquirer' with his pants down during late-night rendezvous with a 'real dog'!See the rest of this story of love, betrayal, hypocrisy, bestiality, and rat-itude!www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
Goldberg says 'nigger'A week or two ago, the Rev. Jesse Jackson was caught by a "hot" FOX News microphone saying Barack Obama has been "telling niggers how to behave." This is what spawned The View's "nigger" discussion. In short, Jackson caused the whole "nigger" problem.See the rest of this . . . story!www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
Obama campaign decries 'The New Yorker' magazine's satirical rendering as 'tasteless'And what is it exactly about the word "satire" that has you so confused? Does it say anywhere that it's nice? Who besides you wants to see "tasteful" satire? Oh, wait, we get it now--you thought you and your big-mouthed wife were somehow off limits. . . .See the rest of this tastefully satirical story . . . not!www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
The final months of the 2008 election season will be charged with sex and violence, making it the most interesting since '68 By Jimmy Nostradamus, News Lampoon Seer Jimmy Nostradamus is a descendent of renowned seer Rene Nostradamus. Click here to see Jimmy's frightening predictions!www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
After completing perhaps his most challenging assignment ever, a stint in rehab following a humiliating, 4:00 a.m. methamphetamine/sex-toy bust in New York's Central Park, a rejuvenated though perhaps less-manically energetic Richard Quest is back on the job at CNN International. Congrats, Richard! We never lost faith.www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
. . . Reverend Jackson says . . ."Well, they were hurtful and wrong, that's the whole point," Jackson said of his words. "And when you make mistakes you should not equivocate. You should be quick to go into offensive and not try to be evasive. And if it was said to him personally or in some public forum it would be even more hurtful. In this case, my error was responding to a question before a live mic. And so when he does he... Read Full Story
Prune-faced senate majority leader calls President Bush "a drag"Be proud, Nevada! You've got a child-abuser for a senator. You should be kicked out of the West. I'd ask New Mexico to do it, but they have a pussy for a Governor.Read more about the prune-faced senator!www.newslampoon.com Read Full Story
