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Nowadays our newspapers only do boring stuff like sending pictures of their bland pink and beige interviews over to Lord Leveson for approval prior to publication. All the best stories are now hidden under McDonald’s ketchup packets in a draw labeled  ’Would If We Could’. But there’s hope for us yet with Towie’s Lauren Goodger . Lauren is wailing about people calling her an ”orca-sized fatty from planet girth.” In tonight’s show Lauren breaks down under the pressure of living under the... Read Full Story

Whitney Houston has gone to heaven. Her publicist said Whitney died at the Beverly Hills Hotel yesterday afternoon. She was found by her bodyguard in her hotel room. Authorities are trying to determine a cause of death, but some are reporting a suspected drug overdose. Read Full Story

In Keira Knightley’s interview on The Jonathan Ross not once did I think she’s ever eaten more than a bowl of string. I’m sure she came out of a packet with instructions not to feed her after midnight or she’ll slither up your trouser leg and chew on your masculinity before spitting it out again because she doesn’t want to ruin her praying mantis looks. (because masculinity is fattening). She makes me wanna stuff my nostrils with peanuts so she can’t get in. Apparently Keira once said... Read Full Story

Since Amanda Holden and talent is a contradiction in terms I never bother to watch BGT. However, her voice returns to  Britain’s Got Talent tonight. I just know it will be another awe-inspiringly sickly overflowing with her emotional meh. I do wish someone would hit  Amanda in the face with a frying pan (again), because no matter how sardonic I get, it’s impossible to keep up with the constant squeaking of her blander box voice. See above. About Amanda’s stand in Carmen Electra... Read Full Story

Say hello to an adorable bundle of hair and lips - Blue Ivy Carter. Her first baby pictures were taken just after she arrived and will be used to help us believe she was not born wearing a wig. I’m not mad because baby Blue managed to open her own blog page to grace us with her first ever pictures because it was a great publicity stunt. Beyonce has clearly won the battle of the genes here because had Blue gotten blessed with mostly Z-genes everyone would be saying,  “Cricks what an ugly... Read Full Story

Amy Childs must thinking damn… where’s Roman Polanski and Woody Allen when you need them. Amy was supposed to stick around TOWIE through thick and thin – because that’s what Towie’s about – BUT she left coz being bought outright  ( It’s All about Amy) said everything about the things we do for cash and fame. Unfortunately, Amy’s It’s All About Amy belly flopped off mediocre and into abysmal so the show that ripped off TOWIE for plot ideas was tossed into a garbage can behind the  C5... Read Full Story

Robert Hoskins is one highly psychotic stalker that once threatened to slice Madonna from ear to ear. He got 10 years for that back in 1996 and until yesterday was banged up in the secure wing of a psychiatric hospital in LA. HE’S ESCAPED !! Hoskins served a 10-year prison sentence for stalking and threatening Madonna who testified against him in court after he was shot by her security guard trying to scale the wall to her Hollywood Hills home. Hoskins was re-arrested again last July... Read Full Story

You may feel you’ve not made it as a pap until you’ve been maimed, whipped, or smacked by Naomi Cambell or Lee Ryan but the subject of today’s Blind isn’t a model or a failed popstar, he’s an A List actor. I know I know, every time Hugh Grant sees a pap he fantasizes about the day he gets to punch one but he’s Z list so it’s not him. ‘This award-winning actor once beat the sh*t out of a paparazzo. The actor was with intimate company outside a NYC men’s club when he was surprised by the... Read Full Story

Since Prince William is away on business the original Kate Middleton, who can serve up bangers and mash just by breathing on a silver platter, made Londoners drop to their knees and worship at the throne of Poseidon when she visited The Portrait Gallery last night. The Duchess’s first solo outing last night was set within a tightly controlled moral framework and offered little in potential violence, threat or horror. In other words – another night, another U-Classified upskirt. Let me be... Read Full Story

I’m sure Lady  GaGa makes the sign of an upside down cross when she’s promoting her Born This Way Ball tour. What bothers me most about this Gaga poster is how she looks like she’s rising from a bong haze after letting her special friend hack away at her hair with safety scissors and a highligher pen. I know Lady  GaGa feels nothing but TBH I think she’d look better promoting the no-pants in public movement. Anyways I notice that Mr.  Gaga is being paid some attention. He ( Jo Calderone... Read Full Story