Facebook status updates

Here's some facebook status updates I thought up but never wrote (feel free to steal them if you are at a loss for words)...

...loves believing in reincarnation. It is just fun to imagine rude and mean people as crickets

...hasn't cried wolf in a while...perhaps a meow is in order

...is not buying everything Annie says; especially that part about the sun coming out tomorrow

...feels like a woodpecker chipped a crack into my brain

...took the road less traveled and now knows why no one goes that way

...didn't feed the drama and saved the breadcrumbs for the pigeons

...heard a sound that may have been paranormal

...left 2 loads of laundry to be done, a dishwater to be emptied, meat sitting on the counter and 2 kids unattended to check my facebook