quadrupletree

“If my kid couldn’t draw very well, I would make sure none of my magnets worked.” - Mitch Hedberg  ( via curioustiff ) Read Full Story

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that’s funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down.  Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny. - Mitch Hedberg ( via  humblydead  ) Read Full Story

“ A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer!” - Mitch Hedberg cartoon art by Mark Collins Read Full Story

An excerpt from  sdcitybeat.com : Walkenhorst’s , a Mormon-run business in Napa, Calif., is among the most popular vendors and offers CDCR inmates a 198-page catalog ( 27mb PDF ). The selection includes more than 50 watches, 74 shampoos and eight different LCD televisions, most featuring clear-plastic bodies manufactured by Walkenhorst’s sister company, Hiteker. Walkenhorst’s even offers a custom CD service, where the company will burn up to 80 minutes of songs to a single disc (charged... Read Full Story

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“I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill…” -  - Mitch Hedberg ( via missmandyw  ) Read Full Story

“There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself” - Mitch Hedberg Read Full Story

I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that. ( via  gnaarkill ) Read Full Story

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( via stephdoll17 ) Read Full Story