Homeless in Austin-An Insider’s View Parts 1-6

People have been wondering why the blog has gone quiet for so long.  Just as we made history electing Barack Obama, my entire world turned upside down.  I have been living the Chinese Blessing/Curse “May you live in interesting times.”  The following diary is a combination of the six diaries I was able to post on other blogs while I had no access to my own.

Hard times have hit us all at one time or another. We have seen the high unemployment numbers and the dismal forecast for economy in America. I never thought as a college graduate I would have an inside view of the day to day struggles of the homeless but I am there and will share my experiences so that people might gain a better insight and understanding of the plight we are facing in America.

I have been unemployed since March of 2008. Without unemployment benefits, I took to couch surfing and doing odd jobs for cash. Once the 2008 general elections were over and a new era in American History began, I started a new journey of my own. I spent a few weeks in a weekly motel that cost enough per week that I could have rented an apartment if I had not been evicted back in June. I realized that not only had I run out of money but I had also run out of options. I finally had to admit I needed more help than was available and I would have to take drastic steps. I moved my computer and many possessions that would not fit in a rolling suitcase and left them with a friend. I spent one last night on another friend’s sofa and then I was truly on the streets and homeless.

I arrived at Sally (The Salvation Army) and found out they do a raffle every morning for beds that become available in the men’s dorm. I was there at 8:45 am and waited as I watched more and more men file in hoping to get a bed for Wednesday night. The counselor came out and asked how many men were there for a bed. 15 men ranging in age from 18 to 70 raised their hands. The counselor said they only had two beds. As he walked around the room with a hat with 15 slips of paper, he informed us if we got a number we had a bed but if not we would have to try again the next day. I was not one of the lucky ones.

Realizing I had to do something I started asking questions and was told that I could try the lottery at ARCH (Austin Resource Center for the Homeless) at 6pm. I took my rolling suitcase and Netroots nation bag and headed over to ARCH to ask questions. I had to wait in line to get in and then have my bags go through an x-ray security machine like the ones they sue at the airport and then file through a metal detector. I went to the desk and asked what I need to do and to verify times for the lottery. I was also informed that if the temperature was below 40 degrees, they would allow more people to stay. The first night I was lucky enough to draw a number which meant I could sleep on a mat on the floor in the lobby of ARCH. One the lottery was over I was led into the building and told I would have to take a shower. The ARCH does not provide towels and since I had not thought to back one, I had to dry off with paper towels. I was then given a thin pallet to sleep on. Well, I would not exactly call it sleeping. I lay on the pallet with a coat and a sweatshirt rolled up as a pillow. I had another coat that I used as a blanket. I was close to the stairs that led upstairs to the bathrooms and people were walking by my head all night. There was snoring, coughing, people crying out in their sleep and even a few arguments. Lights out was at 9:30 but if you have ever been by ARCH you know they have security lights that are on 24/7. Reading was not a problem since I could not really sleep. At 4:30 am the people on the first floor were awakened so they could start setting up the lobby for the day. They served us coffee and granola bars. I had survived my first night as a homeless person.

The next two nights I was lucky enough to win cold weather lotteries and spend the night at two different churches who fed us dinner and breakfast before sending us back to ARCH. On Saturday morning, I was finally able to get assigned a bed at Sally. I no longer have to fear not having a bed as long as I follow all the rules. There are many rules and hoops you must jump through to qualify for the different programs and I will be discussing those and my life as a homeless person in future installments.

This series of diaries is a way to explain what is going on in my life and what I am learning as I worked through the different programs available for the homeless in Austin, Texas. I am not seeking donations of any kind but warm thoughts as I do what I have to do to get back on my feet. Of course, if someone has an old laptop with a wireless card they would like to donate, I would gladly accept. LOL This will happen and I have started the process even if it does seem daunting at time.

I now have a bed at Sally (The Salvation Army) in Austin. I no longer have to go through a lottery at night to see if I have a bed or a pallet on the floor to sleep on. I have even started the full time work of getting into and satisfying all the requirements for the different assistance programs available. There are many programs available if someone will just take the time to ask questions and then follow through on all the requirements. It doesn’t matter if you are Staying at Sally or Arch (Austin Resource Center for the Homeless) you have to have a current TB test read or an x-ray. There are several ways to fulfill this requirement. You can wait in line at ARCH to see if they have time to administer the test or you can go to several clinics around town that offer the service and wave the fee for the homeless. On of the easiest programs to use is the RBJ Clinic at 5 Waller St. On Friday afternoon, you can receive the skin test from 1pm till 3pm and return Monday between 10 am and 11 am to have the test read. If you are taking a bus which most homeless people are, this has basically taken all of Friday afternoon and all of Monday morning. This is only 1 step in may steps or hoops you must jump through to receive assistance but it is a vital one for the health of the community.

Here are just a few of the other steps I am working through now to keep my bed and also be approved for other programs as well as fight my way back from being homeless. I have been fast tracked into the Job Search Program at Sally. With this program, I meet with my case worker once a week to make sure I am making headway and following program guidelines to find employment. On Wednesday of each week, I must turn in a sheet where I have made at least 5 contacts per day about jobs or services. I can count any meeting I have had with a case manager as part of the 5 as well as any email, call or appointment about a job. This makes hitting the magic 5 much easier.

I have also started the Re-Entry Program at Caritas of Austin. There was a one hour orientation meeting on Tuesday. The orientation only occurs once a month. This program is for single homeless adults with no dependents. They also have a program called passages for families and those who have dependent children. I will attend a group meeting next week with my case manager and then go from there. The program will help me face obstacles, meet goals and eventually find work and a home. There will be meetings I must attend and I have no clue what other requirements but I know I am up to the challenge.

I am also trying to get my MAP card which is an insurance card for homeless people. This is yet another lottery system. I have to line up at 8:45 am at Sally to see if I win the lottery to get my card. So far, I have not won but then I can not always be there as I have other meetings I can not miss. When I finally win the lottery, I will place my name on a list and then go to ARCH between 1pm and 3pm to get my card. As you can tell this limits what you can do in the am of any day and also restricts the entire day once you win the lottery for a card. Traveling by bus in Austin is easy but it is never fast and if you miss the appointment you have to start all over.

I am not complaining as I know they have many people they need to help and only limited resources and time but I have come to realize that being homeless and working to get off the streets and out of the shelters is a full time job. You also have to figure in time to eat, where to eat and be back at Sally in time to sign in for your bed each evening. The lights are cut on in the dorm around 6am and reveille is played over the loud speaker shortly afterwards. I am usually awake long before all this and have already taken my shower and gone outside to smoke a morning cigarette. Breakfast is served to residents at 7:30. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, most residents leave Sally and Arch to head over to a church at 13th and Lavaca for a hot breakfast. They start handing out tickets at 5:30am and serve at 6am. The people of this church are fabulous and offer many smiles, warm food, books, shoes, other items of clothing as well as haircuts on Tuesdays and a seamstress on Thursday. I wish I could remember the name of the church but … I will add it in another diary later. For lunch, you have a choice of eating at Sally if you are a resident, Caritas or Angel House. You can get a hot lunch, a salad, a dessert and something to drink. Angel House always has great soup and during the cold weather it has been great. I will say that after a few days of eating almost the same thing every meal it gets harder to eat or at least it has for me. I make sure I eat fruit and at least try a little of everything on my plate. I am staring to say no to most desserts as too much sugar just wears me out. Lunch starts at 11 at Angel House and every place has a different time. You have to try and fit it in between meetings and applying for jobs or just skip it.

Once lunch is done, you try and make it to appointments or out to workforce, the computer lab, or to the library to send resumes unless you have a job interview. While doing all this you have to keep in the back of your mind that you have to sign into the men’s dorm at Sally by 7pm to keep your bed unless you have a late pass because of work. You can pick up your bed slip as early as 4pm and sign in as early as 5 upstairs. You are given a towel and two sheets if you need them. Dinner for male residents is at 5pm and last till 5:30pm. We are allowed in the dorm and back outside till 7pm. After 7pm you are not allowed back outside if you are in the regular men’s dorm. After 9pm, we are not allowed out of the dorm itself. Needless to say there is no smoking allowed inside so once 7pm rolls around I am done smoking for the night until around 5am the following day. LOL Lights out is around 10pm but it is never completely dark as they leave some lights so security and staff can walk through the dorm if needed.

Having lived on my own for the majority of the last 10 years, I miss my privacy more than anything. I sleep in a dorm with 150 or so other men. The mix is quite a strange and sometimes wonderful one. The homeless are all ages, races, ethnic and religious backgrounds. Sometimes this can lead to wonderful discussions or to high DRAMA. I have learned very quickly to avoid DRAMA at all cost. I have almost become use to showing in a large communal shower as I did back in high school. I will never get use to toilet stalls that do not have doors. I might do #1 at Sally but #2 is reserved for other places such as the library or workforce where I can have just a little bit more privacy.

Sleeping at night is something that is becoming easier. It is strange to hear some many people snoring, talking to each other, on cell phones, or even in their sleep. There is also the sound of coughing as some are sick with colds and with any such environment the colds seem to make there way through the crowd. I guess the worst is when you hear someone crying out in their sleep as they relive a bad experience or have a nightmare. You feel for them but don’t dare wake them as you don’t know them well enough to help and are having problems and ghost of your own to deal with as you try and sleep.

Yes, I miss my privacy most but I am doing what I need to do to get my life back on tract. This is a tough journey I have begun but one that will allow me to reach certain goals. One of my dreams is to get back on my feet where I can help others once again. I am not in a position where I can help others at this time but I can be a friend to those I meet who are dealing with some of the same struggles and demons as I.

Look for the next installment as I keep sharing my experiences and thoughts as I make a journey in self discovery. Keep the good thoughts coming and I will keep you informed as I make my way back. Due to computer limitations, I will not be able to respond but know that I am reading comments and emails that I get when I can.

The Homeless Shuffle

Voices call out:
Hey, you got a smoke
Some weed
A dollar
A blanket

The crowd shuffles as lines form for
Food, beds, blankets, showers, toilets
Feet stomping, shuffling, slipping and sliding
While more lines form and hoops appear to jump through

Voices call out:
Food Truck coming
There’s the law
Someone died last night
Who lost their bunk

New lines form
Same old faces
Strange ones mixed in
As the Homeless Shuffle continues
Find a bed
A job
A fix
Themselves

Voices call out:

F YOU!!!
Baby, you okay
Get Lost!!!
You can do it

The crowd shuffles
As some escape
Some Out
Some Down
Some just gone
Replaced by new faces & New Stories
As the Homeless Shuffle moves on

by S. Whichard

crossposted at Texas KaosTexas Kaos and Booman TrinbueBooman Trinbue

This is my story of being homeless in Austin, TX. It is not an easy story to share but I am hoping that by doing so I can express and share some of the reality of my situation and help others understand what is going on in the world today. Each story is different and there are a million stories to tell. TYhe first two installments can be read here.

This past week has been a busy week for me. Being homeless and trying to get off the streets is more than a full time job. There are many appointments, interviews, classes and different departments you have to speak to or see. This past Friday I was at a Health and Human Services office by 7:15am to wait to see if I could get a stand-by appointment to get a MAP card. When I arrived, 6 people were already in line ahead of me and some had been there since 5 am. Luckily for me, some of those ahead of me grew frustrated and left. I was called back into an office at 11:35 and left shortly afterwards with my MAP card. MAP is a health insurance card for low income or homeless people so they can receive treatment for illness and emergencies. I used my card on Monday morning at the Emergency room and was diagnosed with Acute Bronchitis. I am now on antibiotics and have codeine cough syrup so I can sleep at night. Of course, anyone knows that with bronchitis you are also supposed to get plenty of rest. This has not been an option for me. I still had appointments and classes I needed to attend to guarantee I qualified for programs I need and to keep my bed at Sally(Salvation Army). Monday I went to the emergency room at 8am and was finally back at Sally by 2:30pm after seeing a doctor, getting x-rays, and going to a pharmacy to get my medications filled. I ate dinner at 5:30 and finally checked in upstairs and went to be at 6:30.

Tuesday applied for jobs on line and set an appointment with MHMR for an intake interview so I can get treatment and meds for depression. I also went to the library to check emails and apply for jobs. Wednesday I had 3 appointments to attend. One with a case manager at Sally, another with a case manager at ARCH(Austin Resource Center for the Homeless), and one with a case manager at Caritas. I dressed warm, drank my fluids, and kept every appointment. Thursday I attended 3 different classes at ARCH as well as taking time to talk with different staff members at Sally and ARCH to ask questions about things I still need to get done. Today I will see my doctor for a follow up appointment about the bronchitis and try and get a referral for an eye exam. Not an incredibly busy day or week except being sick and still showing up for everything when all I wanted to do was find a soft bed and sleep. I am feeling much better and still taking care of myself but have to realize that rest is from after supper till the early am.

People asked what the diet consisted of for the homeless. For those who are in programs, there is a decent diet available if not a tasty one. LOL Breakfast usually consist of a cup of oatmeal, grits or cream of wheat, an orange, grapefruit, or banana, a biscuit, bagel, or toast, coffee, powdered milk and doughnuts. On Tuesdays and Thursday, most of the Austin homeless go to the United Methodist at 13th and Lavaca and have a breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy and pastries and fruit. They serve coffee, orange juice and real milk. You can get refills on the coffee, orange juice and milk which is a real treat.

Lunch can be obtained in a couple of different locations. Caritas and Angel House serve lunch everyday. Lunch is soup, a sandwich or hotdog, a dessert and some fruit. Nothing exciting except once in awhile a deli or bakery will donate different items that spice it up a little. Don’t get me wrong. The soup is homemade and taste great but when you eat soup 7 days a week for lunch it gets old after awhile no matter how good it is. Once in awhile I use my food stamps card to buy juice and a sandwich at HEB just to change things up a little.

Dinner is always a mystery until you get there and sometimes one even after you are there. At Sally, the men’s and women’s dorms eat at 5pm. They serve this god awful premixed green tea that has 20 pounds of fake sweetener in it. I have started drinking only water at dinner. Dinner consists of whatever they can find to serve us. It can be chicken, fish, brisket, mystery meat casserole or any combination of the above, beans, a really nasty goulash dish-I refuse to eat, some type of bread and a dessert. Some nights dinner is great and sometimes only so-so. It is hot and filling and free so you make do. Many of the folks drown their dinner in Louisiana Hot Sauce to kill the flavor. I have not gotten to that point yet. LOL You can always supplement the daily routine with food from the food trucks that stop by. They always have sandwiches, chips, cookies and that type of thing but as I am trying to eat healthy I avoid these. Many of these food trucks also show up with things for people such as shoes, socks, gloves, knit hats, and many other items. These help but only go so far as there are way more people in need than there are items being handed out.

Anyone who wants to help the homeless in their area can contact the Salvation Army and other homeless shelters and ask what items are needed. I know in Austin the ARCH, Salvation Army are still looking for donations of winter clothing for men especially but also for women and children, blankets, sleeping bags, wash cloths, toiletries, as well as food and that type of thing. No gift is too large or too small. If anyone knows a plumber or plumbing business in Austin that would like to some to the Salvation Army and repair the many broken toilets and urinals, I am sure Sally and the residents would appreciate it.

Living in a shelter or on the streets is not an easy thing for anyone. There are programs to help but a person has to be willing to do the work needed to help themselves to get anywhere. The case managers are there to point you in a direction and to guide you but cannot do the work for you. It is all about finding your own way with help to the goals that you have set for yourself. I am busy setting limited goals that will eventually get me to my ultimate goal of being back on my feet, in my own home, having the Diva Dogs back with me and being in a position to help others again. Right now I have to concentrate on helping myself and doing what needs to be done to achieve my goals.

Part of the test for me as well as anyone else in this situation is learning to live in the homeless environment. There are so many people who are homeless and all the stories are different. They could be from an abusive home, just out of jail or prison, strung out on dope or alcohol, or any of a million reasons I haven’t heard yet. Mine is depression and not doing what I needed to do and there are many others who are also there because of mental illness. You learn very quickly that there are some you can trust and some you cannot trust. There is always some kind of scam running in the streets. People are selling drugs, booze, clothes, phones, radios, or anything else you can imagine- including their own bodies for a drink, a drug or whatever. I have seen people so desperate for attention that they will start screaming or fighting even though they know it will get them arrested or thrown out. I keep my ears and eyes open and avoid all the DRAMA on the sidewalk and alley by Sally and the ARCH. I have even learned to keep my big mouth shut and ignore the opportunity to tell it like it is. LOL Sometimes I am scared, sometimes I am lonely but mainly I am being wise. I have enough Drama in life that is my own creation that I am dealing with as I rebuild my world. I cannot afford to be swept into the alley or sidewalk mentality and be drug down further by others. It does not mean I have lost compassion or caring. I am learning that there is a time and a place for everything. Only moments ago someone asked for a smoke and I said 25 cents. I have learned not to give out cigarettes as I would have none left in 10 minutes. As they guy is reading me the riot act about being selfish, he is pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his own pocket and lighting up. I calmly called him a hypocritical asshole and walked off. You never know what type of person is behind you in line. I have felt people reach for my wallet or my netroots bag I carry. I always have my bag zipped up and either my shirttail or coat covering my back pocket so it would be more difficult to rob me. The early check in at Sally makes things easier as far as not being out late when the real crimes starts on the streets. The criminals are usually not the ones at the shelters but the ones who are on the streets due to drugs or alcohol. They need that next fix and some will do anything to get it.

I have met many great people in the shelter as well. People who are fighting to get their lives back on an even keel. They are the ones willing to share information and help someone out who seems lost or off track. I even find myself giving pointers to people who are truly trying to work on getting off the streets. I am learning lessons about myself and the world I never thought I would. It is not easy but once I am done, I will be a much stronger person. The strength and determination I am have to find in myself will be something no one can ever take from me. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and by god I will be stronger.

As per the other diaries in this series, I will not be able to respond much but will when I can. I am not asking for donations. I am just sharing what is happening. Many thanks to everyone for their warm wishes and good thoughts as I find my way.

Christmas can be a trying time for anyone but even more so for a homeless person. There are so many things you wish you were doing besides standing in line or running around for meetings or appointments but life does not take a holiday. It didn’t help that the public library and Work Source were both closed for 3 days this week and will be closed for those same days next week. You do what you have to do and keep going.

Crossposted @ Booman Trinube & Texas Kaos

Christmas for the homeless in Austin can be a special time as well. Many people and organizations do even more nice things to try and help during the Holiday Season. Last Sunday a group pulled into the parking lot across from the Sally(Salvation Army) and ARCH(Austin Resource Center for the Homeless) with things to give to the homeless. You could get a hat, gloves, toiletries, socks, some clothes and even some fruit. The blankets and sleeping bags went quick as always. Other groups kept coming by through out the week with food- everything from turkey dinners to sandwiches and even Christmas stockings full of candy.

Food was abundant and Holiday Cheer was easy to find as United Methodist and Caritas served a Christmas Brunch on Christmas Eve. The volunteers were there to sing Christmas carols, serve food and even offered hugs to those who need a little special care. I found myself crying several times as I thanked the volunteers for being there and sharing their Holidays with us.

I was one of the lucky ones on Christmas Eve. I spent the majority of the day at a dear friend’s home. I was allowed free reign in the kitchen and cooked Christmas Eve dinner for a few people and then spent an evening chatting and laughing with friends. Once I arrived back at Sally, I realized how blessed I was to have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in as I saw people sleeping on the sidewalk and still leaning on buildings downtown.

Santa did not arrive with a sleigh full of gifts but everyone downtown tried to make Christmas as special as they could for everyone. Most people walked around wishing each other Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas. Breakfast at the Sally was a continental breakfast as they had been cooking the Holiday Lunch for everyone. The Holiday Lunch started at 11:45 for families and was opened for the public at 12:15. The many volunteers and the kitchen staff served over 1,100 people on Christmas Day. We had ham, sweet potatoes, green beans and pie. You could get as many plates as you wanted and it was all brought to your table by a smiling volunteer. The volunteers felt they needed to spend part of their holidays at the shelter helping the less fortunate. I know I thanked as many as I could and wished them all Merry Christmas but I wonder if they will ever know how much it meant to me and many others to see people from all walks of life willing to help and try and spread Holiday Cheer. The employees and volunteers of all the churches and organizations downtown brought joy to an otherwise depressing holiday season. The warm wishes, kindness, gifts, food, and decorations helped soften the depression of not being able to do the things I have always done for the holidays.

Being homeless in Austin is proving to be more than a full time job. There are so many appointments to make and buses to catch that there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day sometimes. I am not complaining about all I have to get done but the hurry up and wait system seems to wear on me more and more each day. It has not helped that I had acute bronchitis and now have some weird neurological disorder that they cannot diagnose.

crosspsoted @ Texas Kaos and Booman Tribune

I spent this past Monday morning in the emergency room after waking with 60-85% of my left side numb. They did a CAT scan and x-rays. They have ruled out a stroke, heart attack, or aneurysm but still have no idea what is wrong. The doctor from the emergency room referred me to the neurology clinic but I have to wait and see my Primary Care Clinic before the referral will be approved. I will see them this Monday at 4pm and mean while the symptoms keep getting worse. The numbness is spreading and I am starting to lose some mobility and balance. Don’t think this has slowed me down much. I have still been attending meetings and went to my first counseling session for depression.

Many people have asked about Transgender Homeless in Austin after the death of Jennifer Gale. Transgender are accepted in both the ARCH and the Salvation Army but must reside in the dorms for the sex they are biologically. It is not a perfect situation but it is better than nothing at this time. This means the GLBT Community and their Allies need to step forward here and in other cities across the country and provide safe shelter and opportunities for the GLBT homeless. The current shelters are stretched to the max with what they do. More services are needed for all areas but recognizing the special needs of the Gay, Lesbian and Transgender community is something the community leaders themselves need to address. I can survive in the system as a gay male since I am not flamboyant. That is not saying anything negative about the many different aspects of the community it is just a fact.

The amount of racism and bigotry present in the shelters would overwhelm many of the people who donate and try to make a difference. The homeless are from so many different backgrounds, education levels and cultures that racism and bigotry are almost expected. People are down on their luck, feeling bad about their situation and very frustrated and taking it all out on someone else is a very common reaction. I cannot even count the times I have been called a faggot in the last month just because someone was mad because I wouldn’t give them a smoke or let them break in line.

On a happier note, I have started attending church again. I gave up on organized religion about 22 years ago. I walked by a church in the area downtown and heard the choir singing and decided to attend the next week. I have attended Central Presbyterian Church 3 times and I’m loving it. I have yet to make it through a service without crying like a baby but the release as well as the warm and love are helping me to rediscover a part of my life I had lost. Never fear, I will not become a bible thumper. LOL My religion is my own and the peace and strength I am finding through attending church and prayer is not something to scream from the roof tops. This as many of the other areas I am working on is a work in progress and will take some time. I would like to share part of one sermon with you as I think it describes caring and loving liberals in a great way.

This past Sunday there was a guest pastor from the Presbyterian Seminary who spoke of his reasons for chasing Central as his church home when he moved back to Austin. He told the story of the Molly Dancers and how the members of Central are very like the Molly Dancers as they refuse to accept the status quo or sit quietly even within their own denomination. Central is an all inclusive church and refuse to discriminate against anyone. While dancing the dance, the church, it members and most liberals I know, strive to understand, help and reach out to all. This is a lofty goal and one that I personally believe reflects the true message from the New Testament and the spiritual world (never said I was a strict Christian). Enlightenment comes in many forms but striving to always learn, share and care makes the world a better place for us all. Standing up for our beliefs, protecting others and striving to make the world a better place for all People is something we can all do in our own little way.

Okay, I am off my soapbox. I will keep you informed as further developments occur. Their have been a few other exciting things happening but I will share those next time. This is my story as a homeless person in Austin. For every homeless person there is a different story and I can only tell mine. Remember to help where you can and donate to shelters in your area. I will respond to comments as I can but computer time is very limited.

Being homeless in Austin has taken on a new dimension as I try and deal with my mystery disease. The numbness I described in my last diary has now spread to almost 60% of my body. I was taken by ambulance to the emergency room at Brackenridge Hospital on the 11th of January at 12:30 and was admitted to the hospital at 9pm. I have now had so many blood samples drawn that I feel like a pin cushion. LOL

Crossposted @ Booman Tribune & Texas Kaos

After having a 40 minute Brain MRI was done, I was informed they had found lesions in my brain. The next day I had a 2.5 hour full spinal MRI done. There were no clear results so a Lumbar Punch was ordered for Wednesday morning. The Punch was painful and intense but the spinal fluid was clear and now has been sent off for more testing. They do not know what is wrong or what is causing it but they have ruled out a few things. I have not had a stroke, heart attack, or aneurysm. They say I might have MS but are not sure until the test results return. All I can do is keep doing what I know how to do best and that is keep on keeping on. This is not always easy considering the situation and how being homeless seems to affect the way some doctors treat patients.

When I had the Lumbar Punch on Wednesday, I was informed that I needed to stay as quiet as possible and if I was sitting up or moving about and got a headache I should immediately lay down. At 4:30 pm the same day, I was told I was being discharged from the hospital that same night. Even the nurse on the floor was stunned that they would send someone back out or even home the same day they received a Lumbar Punch. I am sure if I had been on private insurance instead of a MAP Card I would not have been sent home until the next day. I was instructed to come back to the hospital if the symptoms got worse, I had chest pains, dizziness, or started running a temperature greater than 101 degrees. I got my stuff together and was given a voucher for a cab ride to the ARCH. I was also given a prescription that I could not wait around to get filled since it might make me late for signing into to get some place to sleep. Even though the hospital had given me an anti-depressant for two nights, that prescription was not written.

Once I arrived at the ARCH, I found out I would have to sleep on a mat since I had not called early enough to get my name on the list for a bed. While waiting for the people on mats to be let in, I started to feel clammy, nauseous, and dizzy. I had the people at the ARCH call EMS and I was returned to Brackenridge Hospital. They started doing blood draws yet again and then started something new. They check my blood pressure with me laying down, sitting up and then standing. It turned out that after having been in the hospital for 4 days I was dehydrated. I then received 2 IV’s of liquids. I had been telling the doctors since Monday that I was having lower back pain that was sometimes intense. The emergency room doctor finally prescribed a mild pain killer that I could not get filled but they did give me one to take there. I was then informed I was being released from the ER at 2AM. This left me with nothing else to do than walk back to the ARCH and spend the rest of the night sitting on the sidewalk waiting for the ARCH to open at 6:30AM.

Thursday would turn out to be a very busy day with no rest. I called my case worker to make sure my name was back on the list for a bunk. I took a 30 minute bus ride to a Walgreens to get my prescriptions filled. I then went to lunch so I could take my first mega dose of Prednisone. For the first 4 days, I take 8-5mg pills at once then 4 days of 4, 4 days of 2 and 4 days of 1. Prednisone is a steroid with some weird side affects. One is feeling like you are having a hot flash. I can now understand how women feel who have had them. It is not easy to go from normal temp to full on burning up in .00002 seconds. It also has been affecting my sleep that was not all that great in the shelter anyway. LOL I am also having some mood swings that could be stress but could also be from the Prednisone. I do feel that it might be helping some as sometimes instead of numb I feel pain. The balance issue is not any better but I will get through this. I am patiently waiting for the next appointment which is the 24th. I was warned that some of the test results might take two to three weeks.

The one thing that has been great about all of this is that I have begun to work on one of my biggest demons while dealing with being in the hospital for the first time. I am learning to ask and allow people to help. I have this issue with Pride and always being the strong one and that is being chipped away slowly but surely. Friends and family have helped me in so many ways I can never thank them enough. The warm wishes, caring thoughts and many prayers have been my salvation through all of this. Some people visited and some even wheeled me outside to the sidewalk so I could have a smoke. LOL I know this would have been the perfect time to quit but it didn’t happen and probably will not during this high stress time.

I was able to go to my counseling session on Friday and was amazed at how much it helped to speak out about my fears and even shed a few tears. I have speaking out about these fears and shedding a few tears with family and friends as well. Thursday afternoon Robert took me to his house where I cooked pasta noodles and reheated homemade sauce he had for lunch and then was turned lose on a computer for 3 or more hours. It was nice to spend time with a friend and pet his beautiful puppy and just do what I wanted- even walk around barefoot.

I know this diary leaves more questions unanswered than answered but that is where I am at this time. I am dealing with each day and moment as it happens. Am I scared? HELL YES!!! But even so, I know that I will survive this with help from my friends, family, and doctors. No matter what the issue turns out to be, I will handle it with dignity and grace. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and as soon as I know something I will pass on the news.

I did want to share one antidote from my stay. My nurses and their assistants could not have been sweeter- except for one. Due to the numbness around my midsection, they were concerned with my body functions. I was asked everyday if I had had a bowel movement and if I was urinating okay. Well, most everyday anyway. On Tuesday night, I finally had a gay nurse and he was the nelliest thing on the face of the earth and asked me had I poo-pooed. I was not amused. I said no but I did take a Sh*t. I then proceeded to tell him not to talk to me like I was in kindergarten but as an adult. Except for snapping at the Neurologist and one of her Residents, this was the only time I was a total jerk in the hospital. The staff could not have been more helpful and supportive as they realized my fear and nervousness. I even gave the flowers I received to thee nurses so that they would know know how much I appreciated their care. All in all- I think I handled it very well. As I have said before, “What Doesn’t Kill Us, Makes Us Stronger.” With help from the great people around me, I will get through this.