MP Mailbag

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Written on - Not yet published to a wikizine

From: mattresspolice.com

My gopher post got quite a reaction.

Scott Oglesby commented on my observation that establishing a perimiter never seems to do any good on '24':

You bring up an interesting point; I don?t think that I?ve ever seen a perimeter work in television or movies. Sometimes it comes close, but it never works. As a matter of fact, the phrase ?establish a perimeter? should now be used exclusively as slang for failure. IE; ?Wow Mike, you really ?established a perimeter? with the ladies at the club last night!? Or, ?How?s Karen been doing with her opiate withdrawal?? To which the reply is, ?Oh man, she?s ?established a perimeter? around the heroin again.?

As for the gophers, maybe you could get them to follow Chevy Chase?s career. They might not die, but at least you?ll never hear from them again!

Stickman said:

If gophers look at gopher porn, do they get gopher wood?

How's that for an obscure Bible reference? Maybe you can build an ark for when California falls into the Pacific!

(I was going to explain the reference, but then I thought, "Hell, why start now?")
Several people have commented on the odd word verification words that show up on my commenting app.
For example, rita said:

Do you have anything to do with chosing the word verification thingy? Because I swear, it was CLITORIS.

And Sage asked:

Why is my word verification "Reagan?"

So yes, in answer to your questions, I came up with all the words myself (since I built the commenting app). Other possibilities include "Prozac", "Huey" and "Boobs". These are a few of my favorite things....

Regarding my Phantom Zone post, Sparrow said...

You should really think about writing a humorous novel. As a powerhouse literary agent, I can tell you that it would be rejected far slower than some of the other stuff I get in.

Thanks, Sparrow! I look forward to the drawn out, painfully slow rejection process your agency offers!

Finally, I have to quote an email I got from someone trying to join Humor-Blogs.com. I usually try to be helpful and professional when dealing with questions people have about H-B, but it drives me nuts when people send me emails without any detail at all that might help me solve the problem they are having. This most recent email reads, in its entirety:

I have tried to join 5 times but the site won't let me

Ooookay. Are you getting an error message? Did you get the same error message 5 times in a row, or are you getting a variety of different messages? Is it telling you why you can't join? Are you trying to create a user account or add a blog, or both? If the latter, what's the name or URL of your blog? What exactly are you expecting me to do with "the site won't let me join"?

So I responded,

Well, that's all the information I need to solve the problem. I have pressed the magic fix-it button. Please try again.

I haven't heard back from him yet, so I'm assuming the magic fix-it button worked.

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