Welcome back from the weekend to the work/school week my funny facebook wanting friends.  Perhaps not grammatically correct, my sentence’s are. However they are good in my book.  That being said here are your bloody clever facebook status updates: I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged ye... Read Full Story

Try saying that fifty times fast.  Well kids, it is the end of the week and once again you are craving the hottest funniest facebook status updates in the industry.  And folks, this is it.  So here ya go, you’re welcome: Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Insurance that no matter where you go, you can sway to the seductive crooning of Al Green, and/or Dokken. If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that’s what He’s ... Read Full Story

Welcome to Thursday.  You made it the majority of the way through the week.  Bad news is tomorrow is Friday.  Good news is tomorrow is Friday.  Here are your funny facebook status updates: I’m like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you to not like me. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. So much to time, so little do. A funny thing to do is, if you’re out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you’re going to g... Read Full Story

So, you think you’re sooooo cool Hump Day?   Well, you ain’t!  But, you know what is cool?  Funny Facebook Status Updates.  And that my friends is what we gots, so without further ado, I give you… FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES: The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. You don’t drink, you don’t smoke… what do you do? What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free? Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat?  I’... Read Full Story

Woohoo, it’s freakin’ Tuesday. You know what that means right?!?!?!   More awesome funny hilarious facebook status updates for you! Funny Facebook Status Updates: If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it. Naomi is imoan backwards, think about it. I wonder why Discovery doesn’t have a Mo... Read Full Story

Happy Monday, you inglorious bastard.  If you haven’t seen ZombieLand yet.  Do it.  You won’t regret it. Here are your bloody funny facebook status updates: I’m a Loner Dottie, A rebel. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. Many people believe certain numbers are lucky.  What are your lucky numbers? ... Read Full Story

Ya, ya, we know.  You need your facebook status updates.  Here they are: Sleep is addicting. No buts meow.  That’s the law.  It’s not so funny meow, is it? Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. I’m thinking of a number… If you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. Quote of the Day: “Nothing is ever completed until you..” Video of the Day: See more funny v... Read Full Story

Sup peeps.  Or should I say TWEEPS?  I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I loveeeee you.  Thanks for your support of the number one funny facebook status website on the interwebs.  Here’s your junk: Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. I don’t know why Wall St. uses bulls and bears.  Both sound pretty scary to me. I’m a charter member of the “he man woman haters club”. Today is going to be the day that they’re going to throw me back to you&... Read Full Story

Tuesday is my favorite day of the week… ya know why???  Because Tues comes from the latin word for Sleep-In.  Therefore today is Sleep-In day.  Not really.. but you could imagine what it would be like if it was! HA!  Sorry about that… anyways here are your dirty funny facebook status updates: If you ever accidentally drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because man, they’re gone. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. I think ... Read Full Story

Welcome to a new week.  In order to help you and your friends through this week here are your daily funny facebook status updates: Sorry, I don’t talk to morons before noon. I think I deserve a raise and a new corner office. The Blackberry is just a crappy wanna-be iPhone. When I get bored I like to think of what would happen if two random movie characters met…. For example: Hello Harry Potter, I’m Frodo Baggins!  Then they would try to one up each others adventures. Saturd... Read Full Story