Let Go of Fantasies and Serve Your Purpose

I remember this girl in college that I really liked a lot. Let’s call her Kathleen.

I liked Kathleen so much that I kept enrolling in her class even though I didn’t really talk to her. As a matter of fact, I only talked to her once.

Her course, if I recall correctly, was International Studies. Mine was Computer Application. Huge difference, but what sent me to her class and kept sending me back was her. Always her.

She’s beautiful — my type of beauty to be perfectly honest. Her face was angelic and her smile was captivating. Somehow, her beauty kept me drawn to her. She was like a magnet; I was attracted and I liked it. I didn’t want to last a day without a glimpse of her.

Her class, however, in its entirety, was not as beautiful as her. I didn’t have any friends and nobody reached out to me, especially when there was a group activity. I was alone, sitting in one corner left to mind my own business. I was always near the door so I can sneak out of the room quickly after the lesson. (And after giving this girl one good look.)

Her classmates didn’t like “outsiders”, unfortunately, I was one. So I had to endure their aloofness just to see a girl who didn’t even know I existed. Despite that, I remained in my seat quietly, fantasizing about myself talking to Kathleen. It was like an addiction that I couldn’t resist.

And it was like that for 2 semesters, until I failed in some subjects.

The failures were a wake-up call. I asked myself: “Is it worth it?” Apparently, Kathleen did not and will not give me any positive response. She was just a fantasy, and my failures were real. Staying in her class didn’t benefit me at all. I decided to stay away.

I still saw her in the catwalk, in the canteen, and in the campus. Sometimes she was with her friends, sometimes she was alone. I don’t recall a specific time when my eyes met hers. Because it was more of me looking at her, than she looking at me.

Fortunately, I got over her and never enrolled in her class again. I realized what a fool I was for letting myself get hooked by her beauty, thus, hurting my college records.

There was a reason I was in school: to learn and eventually to get ready for work. Obviously, I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose.

Consciously diverting my attention to my purpose, I enrolled in classes where I knew I have friends who could help me out in case of academic hardships. This strategy was perfect. Everything was easier for me. I also enrolled in Summer classes to catch up. I graduated College, had a job, and lived a life. All because I learned to let go of a fruitless fantasy and served my true purpose.

In case you’re wondering, I’ve never heard anything about Kathleen since, but I spotted her one time while I was watching TV: she was in the commercial. That was before I got my first job as a programmer almost 10 years ago. I chuckled the first time I saw it, but I wasn’t really surprised — she was truly a model-material (One thing I learned from my fantasy is that, I had a good taste!)

The point is, there is nothing wrong with fantasies. But putting it on top your priorities to the point of hurting your objectives in life is another story. Don’t make the same mistake I did by prolonging it and wasting your time getting nothing in return. Let go of it and serve your purpose.