Not sure what to think

This is a post from: summersnook.com Copyright Summer Owens

Not sure what to think

My grandmother had her first panic attack when she was about 25, her mother had her first panic attack when she was about 25. I was 24ish I believe when I first had one, though I didn’t know what it was then, I can look back now and see with clarity that is exactly what it was.

I have to wonder, based on this information if panic attacks can be hereditary. There are many different triggers for them but my grandmother has been told she has a heart condition that might cause them. It’s called mitral valve prolapse and guess what ? It’s hereditary. And guess what types of symptoms may be exhibited? The same kind you get when you’re having a panic attack.

What I’m not sure about, is why I seem to be having more panic attacks of late. It is, I admit, more frightening when they come on super suddenly. The other night just out of the blue I felt my pulse rise. My heart began to race, my teeth began to chatter, my muscles started spasming. I was glad I had Tom home. He held me for a bit without even knowing what was happening. But at one point I took a deliberately slow, shuddery breath (in an effort to calm my body) and it alerted him.

“Trying to have a panic attack?” he asked seriously.

“Trying NOT to,” I said back with a smile. And I chuckled.

As the terror and paralyzation and physical symptoms were spreading through me, I chuckled. How is it possible to feel hopeful and playful in the midst of something so terrifying? One thing comes to mind: sometimes it’s the only thing you can do.

It helps that I know there will be an end to it. That the symptoms will abate. That it doesn’t matter why they started or when they’ll leave, just that they will. And I can laugh at the thought of my ridiculously spasming muscles, and my ridiculous chattering teeth in our 78 degree apartment because the symptoms are only temporary. It’s just another storm to maneuver through. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for a few hours.

But I have hope through every storm because experience has shown me, storm clouds always part.