suzan528

Holy mother. I TOTALLY forgot my blog was available on Kindle and Amazon was CHARGING .99 cents for it. Apparently, they've been sending out apology emails to subscribers and offering them their money back. And booted me out of the Amazon Kindle family of offerings. Awkward. But guess what. I got a job. (!!!!!!!)  I know. I'm totally an executive right now. No, I'm not...but I wear heels and lipgloss and curse at people while I'm driving. So same thing. Here's what I've learned... Read Full Story

My account of the entire Harry Potter series... don't hold me to this. I don't really pay attention. So. There are 23 Harry Potter books that were made into 18 movies. J.K. Rowling wrote them all on a napkin while she was on the Amtrak. All the movie titles are called "Harry Potter and..." except the 15th one, "Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief." Ok. Basically, if you're a wizard you go to a special school because you're weird and you'd be bullied at public school... Read Full Story

Well this is awkward. Sorry you all didn't make it this go-round....this is not the turnout we were expecting. I'm lookin' at a lotta uneaten Chex Mix and Propel. But I figure as long as they have wifi up here I can still blog and give you a little "insider information". THINGS YOU FIND OUT IN HEAVEN: • all the missing socks are here. They were too good for that world. • Yes, there is a totally separate bug heaven. • They're still working on fixing hail. • Satan and... Read Full Story

That was funny. We've all done it, we've all done it, I know :) So, yeah, my armageddon kit is coming together nicely... thanks for asking...and it's kinda nice not having a DEADLINE ...Hello ...Y2K.. hahaha... that was a lotta pressure. and embarrassing. But you know what? It was good practice...I discovered some very interesting websites. And learned a lot of things. Namely, all you really need to survive in a post-apocalyptic world is sprouts. True. And a gun. Sprouts, a gun and probably... Read Full Story

(Editor's note: Yes-I'm pretending that I haven't had writer's block for 3 months...just go with it.) So we all know that I hate flying.....what with all the crashing and the dying and whatnot. And it's super-awesome that besides having to worry about engine trouble and de-icing the wings and electrical failure and hijacking (remember hijacking? Like, regular....take-us-to-Cuba hijacking?) I now have to add underwear bombers and birds to the list. (Birds? Really? What kind of dumb... Read Full Story

I know I haven't blogged in a bajillion years and I'm trying to find something to blame it on like the lunar eclipse or MRSA or Obamacare... but the truth is... I'm on Facebook every day. So every thought that should've gone here...has gone there. My bad. Therefore, in the tradition of Twitter Recap , I give you: Facebook Recap. Review of "Dear John": With any other actor on the planet besides Channing Tatum, skip it. With Channing Tatum, riveting. Potato chips... Read Full Story

Sooooooooooo............yeah. I've solved your last minute gift-giving dilemma cuz look!: "Birthing Dolls". Good thing her breasts are covered by her very modest robe. See how she's smiling?? So fun!!!!!! (what even IS that???? A brain with a foot???) Lady, childbirth may not be your biggest problem. Really, it's tricky to crochet a good placenta. Yeah, these'll run you about $150....but imagine the hours of fun! Pull him out, stuff him back in.....pull him out, stuff him back in. I can't... Read Full Story

OMG, OMG, OMG. . Never mind they're on it: Holy collectible coins and pill boxes. William and Kate are engaged. I know, I know......it's gonna be like the biggest TiVo-tastic event of the decade...and a bajillion people are gonna watch it live....and the entire population of Britain and probably Wales is going to spontaneously combust from excitement...and Diana herself will probably ride down from heaven on a sparkly unicorn. I'm trying to care, I swear. I... Read Full Story

I love this dude. LOVE him. It's a double rainbow and his mind is blown. Read Full Story

see more funny videos Read Full Story