I suppose the main reason zombies don’t date is because they don’t fuck. Dead dicks don’t fuck and neither do dried-up pussies. That’s just one of the facts of life. Zombies don’t fuck so zombies don’t date. Whether you’re male of female, we’re all just trying to get laid. Sure, some people want to throw emotions and commitment into the exchange, but sex is what drives us all. Except for zombies. Hunger for human flesh drives zombies.... ... Read Full Story

Kelsey's Angry Fiancé called a meeting with Kornfeld and myself. I assumed this was because he had already figured out that the man who fucked his wife was not the Director of Finance, but in fact, the Manager of Technology. And therefore, the man he wanted to kill was actually me not Kornfeld.  Blair and Kelsey were also invited to this meeting. I was beginning to wonder if he took this job just so that he could fillet me in front of these very people in a meeting, like the ... Read Full Story

Remember when you had to go to a bar and pick up someone in order to get laid? According to a new mobile dating survey conducted by Intelitech Inc, the creators of PhoneShag, 70.4-percent surveyed have known someone that took online interaction offline and met their date in person. How many of these people actually fucked, they didn’t say. Click to read more... Read Full Story

The problem with nepotism is that it makes it easier for people who want to kill you to become employed at the same company in which you work. Kelsey's Angry Fiancé will be starting work at my company on Monday as a Brand Manager.   I suppose I knew this all along, but Kelsey is not the sharpest tool in the shed. She is, however, a really hot piece of ass, which always outweighs.... Well, just about any other factor [reference How to Get Inside Your Enemy's Head (and Mo... Read Full Story

There’s no better place than online to enjoy being a slut without having to deal with the traditional castigation from friends and co-workers. For example, there’s nothing worse for a woman than being known as the Office Slut at work. And it doesn’t take much to become one. All you really have to do is blow two guys in the same department. Once you’re labeled the Office Slut, you’re stuck with it until you leave the company... Click to read more... Read Full Story

Blair thinks Fiona the Cunt is a real cunt. Which is exactly why she likes Fiona the Cunt. Blair believes that I also think Fiona the Cunt is a real cunt and therefore that's one less woman Blair needs to worry about me fucking around with.  However, one thing I have learned as a result of recent events: I will fuck any hot female who wants to fuck me--even if I think she's a real cunt. I finally had a talk with Fiona the Cunt and she seems just as hot for me as she did the night we fuck... Read Full Story

Halloween not only brings out the ghouls, but also the sluts and perverts. In all of us. This is the one night a year that ALL women have the license to dress slutty, but not be perceived as a slut. Because if ALL women are doing it, there’s nothing slutty about it. Halloween normalizes dressing and looking like a slut... Click to read more...  Read Full Story

Pangbourn drugged and then had sex with his assistant's 13-year-old sister when she tried to sell him Girl Scout cookies.  Since Pangbourn has contributed so much to this company, including the Bomb Threat Checklist, Human Resources has decided that this means he has done nothing wrong. Also, given the incident happened over a week ago, HR says enough time has passed that we should all just move on.  HR issued this statement: Whatever you think about this so-called "horrific, i... Read Full Story

Friday night was the night I intended to execute an offensive against Fiona the Cunt, who has been my sworn enemy since  Conklin's Slutty Wife accidentally died while we were trying to murder her.  I successfully executed the plan, enlisting the help of Kessler and Chelsea the Intern. But then things got weird. Mainly, when I fucked Fiona the Cunt. Admittedly, most of my devious plans are directly tied to a goal of fucking someone.   But in this case, all I wante... Read Full Story

Well... I fucked Fiona the Cunt.  Uh. That is all.  Read Full Story