What’s a Woman to do?

I have a lot going on in my life. If you are a friend, family member or happen to have read my blog lately, you know this. I’m trying to find my place in this world. I’m trying to crawl from under a rock of a marriage that left me badly bungled. I’m trying to find my voice when it’s been stifled for a long time and heal wounds that run deep.

It’s a process. I’d like to wave a wand over myself and BAM! instantly improve my life, heal my heart and free my soul. It doesn’t work this way. At all. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes things remind me of painful, very painful, memories of the past and I react - not just from what the current situation is, but from all the stored up pain I have from days gone by.

I don’t know the balance between doing it myself and seeking help from others. No man is an island unto himself. I really believe this. I also believe there are some things I, and I alone, have to face.

At times, I am insecure. Other times, I am simply eager. Sometimes, the two meld and create a hot, passionate mess inside me. But it is who I am and what I am at this moment. Sometimes others confuse the two and don’t see the real me on the inside.

And then there are days when I would like to retreat to a place of refuge. A calm inside the storm.

The question is - do I retreat alone or is there someone who is willing to go with me, hold my hand and be my friend?