“So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers, all false. The truth is that I’m a bad person, but that’s going to change, I’m going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. I’m cleaning up and moving on, going straight and choosing life. I’m looking forward to it already. I’m going to be just like you … looking ahead to the day you die.” “This was to be my final hit. But let’s be clear about this: there’s final hits and there’s final hits. What kind was this to be... Read Full Story

I arrived in England on the 25th January, and it’s been a fucking nightmare ever since. Notwithstanding the small fact that I had to beg for the money to buy a train ticket into central London upon touching down due to being piss-poor, I also had the pleasure of spending my first night in England in a police station because I had nowhere to stay. Fuck it’s good to be home. Not. As regards my trip to Cambodia (originally planned as a 3-4 week *holiday*), then that turned into a total fuck... Read Full Story

My pulling skills died during my time in Korea. Spending so much time there has had the unfortunate effect of leaving me unable to bed women: I’m simply unable to progress things beyond the *friend zone*. Indeed, I didn’t even manage to fuck the caretaker … Before the inevitable ridicule ensues concerning my lack of action in Korea, it should be noted that when in England, most attempts at pulling women were fruitful* (I had $1000s at my disposal due to having so many credit cards: if you... Read Full Story

This morning I awoke early and at the time of writing it’s now midday (I passed out at 3pm the day previously: my body-clock is fucked). More importantly, it’s daylight and this is something I haven’t experienced with a clear head in a long, long time. I’m writing this is in a bar and having just drank my first beer of the day, I’m feeling somewhat philosophical (there’s always a first). Having reflected on my behavior over the last five weeks, I’m curious as to what other people do when... Read Full Story

I’m looking for someone to write a post (or two) for this blog seeing as I’m not in any fit state to write my name, let alone my usual cutting-edge, ironic satire (note the irony). If you have a story to tell which entails drugs, booze and/or prostitution (preferably all three), then email me (address below). You should note that under no circumstances should I be upstaged on this blog or be portrayed as less of a waster than the guest writer in question (remember that this blog is all about... Read Full Story

This post has so many qualifications that I can honestly say that I really don’t know where to start (’the beginning’, I hear you say). Let me first say that I do not claim to be an expert on the subject and that what follows is only my personal opinion (I’ll let you be the judge of my credentials). Furthermore, to the *indoctrinated* (read into that what you will), the following may not be exactly cutting edge cultural deconstructionism. Whatever. Having just been with a lady which... Read Full Story

I feel as though I have sinned. In fact, I’m not sure I’ll survive the hammering I’m about to receive for what follows. You thought that performing a striptease for the caretaker was low but now I’m not so sure. OK, here goes: I stayed sober for 48 hours. Let me repeat that just in case you didn’t understand: I stayed sober for 48 hours (two whole fucking days!) Writing that actually hurts (if only you could feel my pain). More importantly, I’m guessing you want to know why I chose to... Read Full Story

u need new login details, ts. I have emailed them to u. --- Related Articles at Tales of a Total Spender:Another Victim Falls Foul of The Korean Education SystemWhen It All Goes Tits Up In The Staff Room (pt I)Deconstructing The Korean Mindset (pt III): Hiking Read Full Story

I awoke this morning to find that whenever I take a piss, I feel a strange burning sensation immediately thereafter. I’m not sure if this is normal but I think it may have something to do with all the spirits I’m drinking. I’ll give it a few days and see whether it clears up. I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing to worry about … Only joking. On the contrary, I seem to have prioritized the drinking over the women and have stopped having sex (although in all fairness, I didn’t really *start... Read Full Story

Try again. I had such great things planned for this blog when I when I was in Korea. I really thought that it would come into its own once I arrived in Phnom Penh. On the contary, updating this thing has become a total nightmare. As is evident, I’ve been either too drunk or wired to write the damn thing. I did stick a post up but then quickly pulled it down because, well, some things are best left unsaid. Whatever. I guess I better stick something up (just in case anyone is still reading it... Read Full Story