wettner

I posted this on Twitter, more as a joke, but then really thought about it. The site needs money because I can't seem to make the lights stay on anymore. I am writing this on the curb of the Barnes & Noble using their free wifi. I can't go in because I was caught opening the plastic bags surrounding porn mags. No one wants to actually advertise on the website because penis jokes don't jive with a lot of products...well unless it's condoms. But condoms really get in the way from spreading... Read Full Story

On the eve of the Grammy Award Show, comes news that one of the nominations refused to perform. And you know what? I agree with their decision. Bon Iver refused to perform on the Grammy Awards because the Grammy's wanted to team Bon Iver up with a more "known" act for a collaboration. I guess the Grammy's figured no one would know who they were and not want to listen to them perform their own songs. Bon Iver essentially called that horseshit and I agree. "We wanted to play our music, but were... Read Full Story

Remember the Hot for Teacher video by Van Halen ? Of course you do, you brought your pencil. Yahoo News did a "where are they now" with the insanely hot teacher from the video who I slaughtered a bunch of kittens over. And you may be wondering...how does she look today? Here is a reminder of what she used to look like back in the video She was also in the Da Ya Think I'm Sexy  video by Rod Stewart . Her name is Lillian Muller , she's 60 and the things I would do to her body are illegal... Read Full Story

This needs no other introduction than the heading. And I made it nice and big for emphasis. It must be watched.  Read Full Story

We have teamed with Van Halen to sponsor a custom guitar giveaway, but it won't be easy. To celebrate the new release of the first new music from the band in over 20 years, they want to see your best shredding. Take a look at this video There are a couple of ways to enter.  Submit your video as a YouTube response to the video above. Submit your link to the Van Halen Tumblr account .  Click the banner below and post your entry in the box on the page. The closest shredder to Eddie Van Halen... Read Full Story

Bill Ward stepped out of the Black Sabbath reunion due to an "unfair contract." The upcoming Black Sabbath album currently being recorded, will not be a full blown Black Sabbath album. The only original members on the album will be Geezer Butler , Tony Iommi , and Ozzy Osbourne . Bill felt he was not presented a "signable contract" and decided to pull out of the reunion. Bill's son took to Facebook and had a lot to say. I will give you the highlights: The press is spinning this... Read Full Story

Metallica announced this afternoon a two day festival called the Orion Music + More festival. Besides the insanely stupid name, this idea was great in theory...shit in execution. Let me give you the details and bands and then attempt to express my outrage. The Orion Music + More festival is supposed to be an annual festival headlined by Metallica featuring bands handpicked by the band plus a lifestyle element that reflects each of Metallica's band members many personal interests. The... Read Full Story

Do you have a friend who just insists Van Hagar is the true Van Halen ? Is he consistently driving over or under 55 mph? Does he think OU812 and For Your Carnal Knowledge are hilarious responses and album titles? If so, he has probably been inhabited by the Red Rocker Demon. The Red Rocker Demon is an evil succubus that turns otherwise sane Van Halen fans into ravenous Van Hagar fans. They insist the vocals of Sammy Hagar are higher and loftier than DLR's . They begin to drink Crystal Pepsi... Read Full Story

Van Halen hasn't released new music since their last album 1984 . Some claim that they had two lead singers since David Lee Roth left the band, but this guy doesn't believe it. It's a myth. There is no Van Hagar or Gary Halen . This is the first release of original music from Van Halen with David Lee Roth and with it comes lofty expectations. Does A Different Kind of Truth live up to those expectations? I think so. The lead single Tattoo was a polarizing song. It contains a lower vocal... Read Full Story

Just like all great shows just before the season finale, we get a clip show. Except this is more like Saved By the Bell and Full House than LOST or Babylon 5 . SBTB and Full House had a clip show worked into their final episode. Ben Sommer week started out with a simple opening salvo - a discussion of why the fuck I was dedicating a full week to a man no one cares about. The answer was simple; I lost a bet. I decided to review Ben's latest record Super Brain , an exercise in patience as... Read Full Story