Humor In Life - Articles - Zimbio

If Home Birth is Where the Heart Is, What About Laser Eye Surgery?

Tue, 23 Jul 2008 00:08:00 GMT

posted by TrooperThorn
One of the women in my department is pregnant. Please understand that our business is I.T., not selling candles and hemp handicrafts at local fairs. She is a perfectly normal person (as near as I can tell), yet she has announced she will be delivering her baby AT HOME.

I don’t want to wade into the ‘right/wrong’ argument over home birth, but I have never understood the desire to conduct potentially life threatening, high risk medical procedures without the benefit of 400 years of scientific practice close at hand. I have been there for the births of nearly all my children and as far as I can tell, the hospitals go out of their way to make the Birthing Rooms as homey as possible. It’s like a suite at the Days Inn with an adjustable bed and beeping machines, but no mini-bar.

Why is childbirth the only procedure that is subject to this social phenomenon? No one decides to have their ACL repaired at home. There are no Adenoid Removal Rooms designed to put the patient at ease at the hospital. My grandfather didn’t choose to have his open heart surgery done under the caring hands of a lay-surgeon while African drummers played traditional Celtic tunes (don’t ask).

Sure, Neo-natal units might insist that a woman’s degree of dilation be checked by every member of the medical staff, interns, maintenance workers and a handful of random passersby. They almost go to the trouble of announcing it over the PA. “If anyone has not yet inserted their hand into Mrs. Anderson’s privates, please proceed to Room 214. Don’t be shy. Free balloons and stickers for the kids.” In my books, that’s just being inclusive.

And what’s with Water Birth? Should other procedures be done underwater? Even the urban myth of the guy who wakes up in a tub of ice with stitches in his lower back because somebody stole his kidney features the poor schmo being in a hot tub before he blacked out.

Maybe alternative birthing practices shouldn’t be restricted to home alone. Women could choose to give birth anywhere: airplanes, Vegas, Biodome II, the Super Bowl. It could spawn a whole new specialty travel service the way Gay Cruises did in the ‘90s. I can see the adds now:

“Are you fed up with boring child birth in your humdrum old home? Break out of the crowd and impress your scrapbooking club when you pop that puppy out while landing a Stealth Fighter on the flagship aircraft carriers of the Pacific Fleet”.

It’s a million dollar idea!

Intelligence Compatiblity

Mon, 22 Jul 2008 20:19:00 GMT

posted by heartseverywhere
Overheard in Central Park

A couple, clearly very connected – physically, emotionally, intellectually are very involved in a conversation about some movie.

HE: Above all else – the reason I think we’re so compatible is that you’re my intellectual equal.

SHE: Yes, I agree. I mean you know stuff I don’t know and vice versa. We fill in each other’s gaps.

HE: So this movie wouldn’t end … and I didn’t know if I could make it to the end.

SHE: How long was it?

HE: Well the movie wrapper said 120 minutes but I was confused because I clocked it at a solid 2 hours.

SHE: What? That is 2 hours.

HE: It is?

SHE: (Cracking up) Yes … um … so what was that about the intelligence compatibility? What does that say about me?

Delaney’s World Chuckle for the Day #22

Sat, 29 Jun 2008 06:41:01 GMT

posted by delaney55

This Chuckle for the Day is a bit different as I decided to add a joke as well as my usual funny pictures. I came across this and thought it was too funny to pass up not adding it to the mix. Also more strange and funny tattoos since I found a bunch of them and just have to share.

Joke for the Day:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.(and NASCAR 500.0)

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Be careful what you wish for ladies: Keep reading below for the tech support answer

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command: ‘I Thought You Loved Me.exe’
and try to download Tears 6.2 and
don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run
the applications Jewelry 4.0 and Flowers 4.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
Default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0
(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control
of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Some more of my favorite Funny Pictures and LOL Cats and Dogs. Hope you like them too!

Another crazy and strange tattoo. Amazing amount of work went into this but dang… I wouldn’t say it’s “pretty” or “handsome” but to each their own. Wonder what kind of reactions he gets out in public?? I put the “Skull Guy” on before but I found a better picture showing both front and side views. Another crazy and strange tattoo.

Now I will finish with a nice tattoo

"Like the Pine Trees Lining the Winding Road..."

Wed, 3 Jul 2008 00:54:00 GMT

posted by TrooperThorn
The Crow Baby has a name, the Crow Baby has a name. (My deepest apologies to Jim Croce but I couldn’t help myself). I hadn't wanted to give the bird a name since that seemed too much like admiting it was a pet.

If you haven’t read Animal Husbandry isn't as Sexy as it Sounds or Bathing the Crow, I’ll let you know we are the proud foster parents of a crow. I hadn’t planned on it being a pet, but like most things in life, that was not in my control. After several weeks of just calling it Crow Baby, we have decided on "Gaston" because he is rude and demanding.

When Gaston is not screaming (in a snooty French accent) for more food, he spends teh remainder of his time engaged in significant personal development activities such as:

Singing,

Improv,

Ventriloquism,

Film Study, and

Rodeo.

April 3 Update: Just got an update from home. Gaston has developed a fascination with the badminton shuttlecock and is walking around the yard with it clamped tightly in it's beak. He's a birdie with a birdie (you can't make this stuff up!).

Proper Crow Hygiene PSA

Wed, 10 Jul 2008 23:01:00 GMT

posted by TrooperThorn
No need for too much narration. Just a Public Service Announcement to promote healthy lifestyles for crow-friendly families.

First we bathe: (non-nudity video)

Then we preen:

Make sure to get both sides:

Now check the Drug Dog for contraband:
We're not done yet. Dad still needs an inspection:

Don't forget the ears:

Now we're ready for adventure: