Stories at the work place - Articles - Zimbio

The Running Man

Thu, 25 Apr 2008 11:24:00 GMT

posted by moooooog35

(Alternate title: "Trying to get Johnny Laid")

Hopefully, he’s having a massive smash in BWB.

Let me explain…

First off…let me preface this by telling you that this is a rare semi-serious "Mental Poo"…

...but bear with me…

...I’ll be crapping on someone by the end of it, I’m sure.

Anyway…

One of my buddies, John, ran the Boston Marathon this past April 21.

John is one of the nicest guys I know.

If you must know - and you must - he runs for his niece, Lina, who has Leukemia.

It’s blatantly obvious how much he loves his niece, and he has since dedicated himself to running the Boston Marathon in hopes of raising as much money as he can to try to find a cure.

To read about John (and his and Lina’s story) click here:

http://runningforlina.no-ip.org/

I don’t ask you people for much, but if you could give Johnny a hand, you can donate money for his cause (The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society) here:

http://www.active.com/donate/tntma/tntmaJSganga2

I've also added a link on my left sidebar...in case you just want to keep on giving.

************************
Now…

...onto crapping on John (TOLD YA!):

Last year, John ran the 26-mile marathon with his goal of breaking the four-hour mark.

Impressive goal.

His official time last year?

4 hours, 1 second.

ONE SECOND OVER.

Loser.

Obviously, all us guys gave him relentless sh*t about it.

Because that’s what guys do.

We’re pricks like that.

This year, he did slightly worse at 4 hours, 13 minutes.

I know what you're saying:

"Why didn't he just let his grandmother run it for him?"

I know...I know...

It's really, truly sad.

But, when you take the distance of the marathon, and divide it by the time he completed it, you can gauge how fast John actually ran:

(b) \left ( \frac{1 + i}{1 - i} \right )^2 + \frac{1}{x + iy} = 1 + i

= 743 MILES PER HOUR!! (67.3 Liters per Gram if you're using the Metric System)

That speed's probably wrong.

I blame my calculator.

Anyway…

At least this year, he was faithfully back at it again.

Personally, I’m not sure if I could DRIVE the f*cking marathon in four hours.

Especially with the f*cking wheelchair racers clogging the streets…

...seriously…

....GET OUT OF THE WAY!!

USE THE SIDEWALK FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!

Now...

John lives in the Boston area, is single, Italian, Catholic, and has an identical twin brother.

Here’s what this means, ladies:

1) “Single” means he’s available (or he's really, really awful in the sack)

2) “Italian” means that he eats pasta

(seriously, ladies…all you have to do is boil some f*cking water…it’s not like you have to KNOW how to cook)

This can also mean that he's really, really awful in the sack.

3) He’s not afraid of anal penetration (see “Catholic upbringing” above)

4) If you get tired of him, you can go screw his brother.

Unless you think he’s ugly…then it’s really a no-win situation either way.

Please note, though, that John has some really weird fetish with going poo and then telling people about it.

I’m not quite clear as to why.

As such, John has introduced me to the following “Going poop” gems:

1) “I gotta smash.”

2) “I have to go drop the Cosby kids off at the pool.”

3) BWB.

If you don’t know what BWB is (and neither did I), you can read all about it here.

4) “Great smash today…no breakage.”

The "breakage" thing is big with John.

I’m not sure why...

...but apparently you get extra points for dropping a loaf in one single, gigantic, Anaconda-like snake.

You also lose points if it snaps in the middle, or if it resembles kibble.

Again…I have no idea why...

...or who is actually tabulating these points.

I remember one day seeing John come out of the bathroom.

Me: “Hey Johnny…how’d it come out today?”

Without a word…and walking away with his back towards me…

He simply raised up his hands about two feet apart, and kept walking.

That’s John.

Look out, ladies!!

However:

The true measure of a man is not how long his turd is…but how big his heart is.

(HOLY SH*T…I need to make a shirt out of that saying!!)

And, if you’ve read his dedication to his niece, you’ll see that he’s got a giant one.

His heart, that is.

No breakage there.

Nice job, John. We’re proud of you, brother.

Here are those links again.

Show my man some love.

Ladies...do this literally, please. I have is Yahoo IM name if you need it.

Moog out.

http://runningforlina.no-ip.org/

http://www.active.com/donate/tntma/tntmaJSganga2http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com

Welcome to our new school (but no gum please)

Sun, 1 Sep 2008 03:44:40 GMT

posted by andrewsgumguy

Friday’s New Day newspaper in New London, Connecticut, has a heartwarming update on the first day of a new school in the community, the C.B. Jennings Elementary School.

The third grade class, taught by Michele Shannon (picured above with her students as they get ready for lunch on the first day of school), got acclimated to the new school, which had hallways shaped not unlike tennis rackets, new purple chairs for their classroom, and a projector, speakers, microwave and mini-fridge, all as features in the new classroom.

The class is also part of the new Foreign Language in the Elmentary School (FLES) program, where students will learn in both English and Spanish.

Ms. Shannon has a light touch to teaching, with bowls of Jolly Ranchers available for special treats (although in the comments connected with the article, you can read about residents arguing about whether or not Connecticut law allows teachers to give treats to their students). But there is one hard and fast guideline, familiar to elementary school students and readers of AndrewsGumWorld everywhere:

As the article notes:

In her 12th year teaching, Shannon was no pushover - while she kept the atmosphere light and engaging, she also let her students know she had rules and wouldn’t tolerate nonsense.

”You will learn cursive in third grade, so if you don’t know cursive, don’t try to fake it, I’ll know,” she said.

To two boys caught chewing gum: “First of all, don’t bring gum to school anymore.”

Panda Express | Orange chicken and attention to detail, including discarded gum on the sidewalks

Tue, 27 Aug 2008 03:04:46 GMT

posted by andrewsgumguy

One of AndrewsGumWorld’s favorite you-can-find-almost-anywhere Chinese restaurants in Panda Express, which had its roots nearly four decades ago when Andrew Cherng opened his first Chinese restaurant in Pasadena.

The company itself started 25 years ago, and now has more than $1.2 billion in revenue, according to a report in today’s Contra Costa Times (Gum Guy’s favorite newspaper in fifth grade).

It’s an empire built on orange chicken (you know what we mean if you’ve eaten there) and besides the chicken, Cherng promotes a customer service approach based on three principles: “Be proactive, be respectful and do a job well.”

The 61-year-old Cherng remains actively involved in his company’s operation, as the article reports on his recent lunch at an Azusa, California outpost of his store:

Even though his company has grown far beyond his expectations, Cherng still manages with an eye for detail. While visiting the new Panda Express in Azusa on a recent Friday, Cherng scraped chewing gum off the sidewalk.

Associates say he looks askance at anyone wasting napkins and utensils. He interviews every job applicant at the company’s headquarters, whether the person is applying for a clerical post or to become chief financial officer.

What makes work a mess? (The Extra™ Research)

Sat, 10 Aug 2008 02:09:50 GMT

posted by andrewsgumguy

According to a recent survey reported in the Evening Courier of Halifax (”Live the charm”) and Calderdale, UK, a recent survey of 2,000 workers by Wrigley Extra™ showed that middle managers fared the worst, stress-wise, and loud-talkers and long lines at lunch added to the discomfort of the work day.

A survey of 2,000 adults found that more than a quarter of middle managers are regularly stressed out, compared with just one in five managing directors and junior staff.

Other problems which trigger stress include commuting to work, having to make presentations, long queues at lunchtime, and constant phone calls.

One in three workers said they are annoyed by the habits of their colleagues, including those who talk too loudly.

As we’ve reported elsewhere, chewing gum may make you smarter, and perhaps if you’re a middle manager, it may an important tool for stress control.

Back to School Blues...

Sun, 25 Aug 2008 12:30:00 GMT

posted by kosongz
Back to school blues...think teachers have it easy??? Noooo...we probably hate for the holiday to end-much, much, much, more than the students...haiz

Woke up with feeling ultra dizzy this morning...probably have something to do with the fact that my body dun feel like working at around 5a.m...*yawn*

I feel like Takeshi Kaneshiro in this scene below...doing something he dun wanna do , but yet, forced to complete cuz duties call...kekeke

and this young lady...asking why, why, oh why...not understanding why, why, oh why...cuz it ain't their fault the way things turn out to be...kekeke