The Colbert Report - Articles - Zimbio

Fantasy Colbert League Weekly: November 10 - 13

Mon, 11 Nov 2008 20:18:53 GMT

posted by nofactzone

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of ‘Colbert Report’ guests, created in the spirit of the oft-enjoyed Fantasy Colbert League. While we can’t start up the online version of the game again, we can make it so that you can get the information you need about the guests before they come on the show.

Just like you, we want to be it-getters before the interviews start. So we’ve compiled brief bios, issues or events that Stephen might bring up during the interview, and a fun Fract (Freedom Fact) to impress your fellow viewers during the commercial breaks. Read, enjoy, and see if you can anticipate how Stephen might nail each of the following guests!

Programming Note: Papa Bear Bill O’Reilly returns to The Daily Show on Thursday, November 13.

Monday, 11/10: Rachel Maddow (rerun, 11/06/08).

MSNBC fan alert! Rachel Maddow, host of the The Rachel Maddow Show and protégé of “insane person” Keith Olbermann, has been gleefully reporting on these last crazy days of the presidential race. Maddow, a Rhodes Scholar, hosts a daily radio show of the same name on Air America and is a frequent contributor to other MSNBC political news programs.

Fract: Maddow’s six-degrees tie to Stephen Colbert is the radio show ‘Unfiltered,’ which she hosted with Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead in 2004 and 2005.

Tuesday, 11/11: Kevin Johnson

In November 2008, former point guard Kevin Johnson went from NBA star to mayor of Sacramento, California. Mayor-Elect Johnson retired from the Phoenix Suns after playing in the NBA for over a decade and breaking a number of hoops records. He is president and CEO of The Kevin Johnson Corporation and founder of the St. Hope Academy and following St. HOPE nonprofit community development organization. In 2008, he ran for mayor of Sacramento and won in November after a runoff election, becoming Sacramento’s first African American mayor.

Fract: In 1994, Johnson led the U.S. National Team - nicknamed the Dream Team II - to the gold medal in the FIBA World Championship.

Wednesday, 11/12: Bob Woodward

Author Bob Woodward pulls no punches with his new book, The War Within: A Secret White House History 2006-2008.’ In his fourth book about George W. Bush’s presidency, and in it he describes Bush’s refusal to address the collapse of the war to the American public. Woodward has worked for the Washington Post since 1971, and has written too many bestselling books to name here. In the 1970s, he and fellow reporter Carl Bernstein reported on a burglary that led to decades of the Watergate affair and a mysterious character known as Deep Throat. Woodward also won the National Affairs Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for leading the Post’s reporting on the aftermath of September 11.

Fract: Woodward has interviewed President George W. Bush four times for more than seven hours overall, spending the most time with Bush of any journalist today.

Thursday, 11/13: Stephen Moore

Economist Stephen Moore is a member of the Wall Street Journal editorial board and a contributing editor for National Review. He founded and served as president of the Club for Growth, an organization that works to promote economic growth, from 1999 to 2004. He has written a number of articles on the Republican stewardship of the American economy and how the party plans to “restore the dream” of prosperity in the United States. Moore’s latest book is ‘The End of Prosperity: How Higher Taxes Will Doom the Economy–If We Let It Happen.’

Fract: Daily Show correspondent Rob Riggle interviewed Moore about the construction of low-income housing near Disney World for a segment that aired on June 5, 2007.

The format of this aggregate news report is Copyright © 2008 No Fact Zone. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are reading is likely covered with ads trying to make a buck off our hard work, and will soon be visited by godless killing machines.
Plugin by Taragana

Episode 4145 (11/06/2008)

Sat, 9 Nov 2008 05:30:07 GMT

posted by nofactzone

“Hey, did you guys see tonight’s episode of The Colbert Report? This is The Colbert Report!“

International Man of History: “Tonight: Obama’s victory. The international community weighs in, but it’s in metric, so who cares?”

Stephen joins Sarah Palin in wishing Obama luck … in his battle against the giant spider!
“Un-American News” — the world responds to Obama’s election

Rachel Getting Harried: “Plus, my guest is MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow. I’ll ask her who defroths Keith Olbermann’s mouth during commercials.”

Stephen Colbert’s Fallback Position: Spy — Part 1

The Spy Who Loved Himself: “Then, I find out what it takes to be a spy. Or do I? [beat] I do.”

Main guest: Rachel Maddow — host, The Rachel Maddow Show on Air America and MSNBC

In closing: “Folks, today my mother turned 88 years young. Happy birthday, Mom Colbert. I still don’t know her first name. She’s very private. And the woman is a saint. As if raising eleven children wasn’t hard enough, the eleventh was me. Point is, my mom is wonderful, and America owes her a lot. Well, looks like your birthday cake is almost done, Mom. I’ve been baking it here in the fire, uh … let me just pull that thing out and cut you off a slice. Mmmm. Mm-mmm-mmm. That looks moist. Okay. So, Nation, please join me in wishing my mother a very happy 88th birthday. Of course, she raised me a good Catholic, so let’s sing it to her in Latin. One, two, three:

Felicem Natalem Diem,
Felicem Natalem Diem,
O Cara Ephen-Stay’s Other-May,
Felicem Natalem Diem (et plurimas!)

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you. Good night!”

Video Highlight: Happy 88th Birthday, Mom Colbert — Being a good Catholic, Stephen wishes his mom a happy birthday in Latin.

R.A.P.S. - Vote on your favorite segment of the show here!

NOTABLE MOMENTS — Video links and more after the fold!

More Video Highlights, courtesy of Comedy Central’s Colbert Report website

Full Episode Video — 10/27/2008
Intro — 11/06/08: The international community weighs in on Obama’s victory, but it’s in metric, so who cares.
Obama’s Spider Battle: Stephen wishes Barack Obama well in his upcoming battle against the giant spider that lives underneath the Capitol.
Un-American News - Obama Edition: Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki declares a national holiday for Barack Obama’s victory.
Fallback Position - Peter Earnest: Stephen wants to know the most exotic lady spy Peter Earnest has ever seduced on a mission.
Rachel Maddow: Rachel Maddow says the Bush administration has been like hiring a vegan to be your butcher.

NOTABLE MOMENTS

Nation, welcome to the show; you look great. Now, it’s no secret that I have been upset since the election. I’ve tried taking my aggression out on a punching bag, but all the stuffing fell out after the first shotgun blast.
But I recently saw something that inspired me to rethink my outlook. Jim? [clip of Palin: "Now is the time to move forward ... and, you know, we wish Barack Obama well and say God bless him ..."] I know. At first, I was disappointed. Those damn Democrats have spayed our pit bull.
But you know, if Governor Palin can be gracious, so can I. So, President-elect Obama, I wish you well, especially in your upcoming battle against the giant spider that lives underneath the Capitol Building.
Now, sir, I’m sure you remember it from Civics class; it is the last challenge on the road to the White House. The President-elect must descend into the spider’s lair, armed only with a sword and his wits. If you emerge holding the spider’s prized amulet, which contains the veto pen, you then will truly be President of the United States. If not, spider s#!t.
In fact, not to burst your bubble, sir, but you are not the first African-American to win a presidential election. That honor falls to Calvin Watts, Jr., who was elected in 1976. Unfortunately, Mr. Watts was devoured by the giant spider shortly before his inauguration. Runner-up Jimmy Carter then tricked the spider into attacking its own reflection in the cave pond, where it drowned. Carter was then named our 39th, and worst President.
Now, I know what you’re thinking but, every four years, they replace the spider.
Now personally, I believe Obama is up to the challenge. And apparently, so does the entire world. This is “Un-American News” — Obama Edition!
Like humanity itself, let’s start in Africa. Reaction to Obama’s victory jubliant in Kenya, the birthplace of the President-elect’s father. President Mwai Kibaki even declared today a national holiday. Hey, Mwai! American Presidents already have a day! It’s called Presidents’ Day. And it honors our leaders the way the Founding Fathers intended: with a half-off sale at JC Penny.
Now, over there in France, Nicolas Sarkozy wrote this “Dear Obama” letter. “Your election raises hope of an open America that will once again lead the way.” Folks, I think he’s saying President Bush has not been leading the way for the last eight years.
You know what, Nikki? Mon français est très mal, mais je voudrais parler meilleur. Alors, comment vous dites en français, “F*!k you with a frog leg!” [Editor's note: Much as I love it when Stephen goes all multilingual on us, I do not speak French and am doing this more or less phonetically. Anyone wishing to help out on the transcription/translation of this one, chime in in the comments. Thanks!]
Meanwhile, Yulia Tymoshenko, Ukrainian Prime Minister and cocoa magnate, told Barack Obama, “Your victory is an inspiration for us. That which appeared impossible has become possible.” Truly, change has arrived in the world, when a statement by the Ukrainian Prime Minister ends in something other than, “Help me, I’m being poisoned.”
Now, over in Turkey, political science professor Ersin Kalaycioglu said of Obama, “The U.S. needs a facelift, and he’s the one who can give it.” First of all, “Ersin Kalaycioglu”? That guy needs a name-tuck! Second of all, this is the only plastic surgery America needs. As you can see, the old girl’s grown saggy around the coasts, marked here in blue. All we need to do is grab those blue parts and stretch them under. There. Now the Electoral College looks twenty years younger.
Finally, this disturbing footage from Peru, where recently, shamans held a ceremony to influence our election. [Clip: shaman blowing incense over a "sacred llama fetus on a bed of coca leaves at the foot of images of the two presidential candidates".] Now, you have to make sure that’s a sacred llama fetus. You use a regular llama fetus and the votes all go to Nader!
Now I’m not going to say magic is real, folks, but these shaman did accurately predict Sean Hannity’s reaction when McCain lost [clip of shaman screaming and holding a skull].
You know, folks, people are losing their jobs left and right. Even us pundits could get the axe and have to start telling people what to think on the subway for change.
But other countries are still out to get us, folks; that’s why there is one job that is recession proof: spy. So I recently sat down with Peter Earnest, retired CIA undercover agent and curator of the International Spy Museum as part of my ongoing, ass-covering series, “Stephen Colbert’s Fallback Position”.
*Hee! Stephen’s sideways scramble to get away from the car alarm was hilarious!*
[Tuxedo-clad Stephen, to Peter Earnest]: I see that you are not wearing a tuxedo.

Earnest: I don’t normally wear a tuxedo.
Stephen: Mm-hmm, because you’re no longer a spy.
Earnest: No, not because I’m no longer a spy, because I don’t wear a tuxedo if - if it’s not called for. I own a tuxedo, and I wear my tuxedo –
Stephen: No one’s saying you don’t.
Earnest: Yeah.
Stephen: No need to get defensive.
Earnest: All right.
Stephen: Are you going to yell through the entire interview?
Earnest: No, no, no.
Stephen: Okay.

You’re going to teach me how to be a spy. Why are you the man? Give me your bona fides.

Earnest: I was, for twenty-five years, in the clandestine service. All right? That’s Operations. Recruiting and running agents, covert action.
Stephen: How many people have you killed?
Earnest: None.
Stephen: Would you tell me if you had?
Earnest: I would — I would …
Stephen: Would you?
Earnest: … probably hedge on that.
Stephen: Okay, I’ll put you down for seven.
Earnest: That’s a high number.
Stephen: Is it?
Earnest: Yeah.
Stephen: Not as high as eight.
Earnest: [laughing] That’s true.
Stephen: Mm-hmm. Who’s the most exotic lady-spy you ever seduced on a mission?
Earnest: Well, first of all, I’ve never seduced a woman spy on a mission.
Stephen: They seduced you?
Earnest: No, no. In other words, I just - it just didn’t happen …
Stephen: So there was no seduction; it was just, just absolutely cold-blooded pumping.
Earnest: I probably would not characterize it that way.
Stephen: How would you characterize it? [licks pen] Let’s keep it kind of spicy.
Earnest: No, I think - but I think in the course of operations, you do run into, ah, interesting people, and you run into them in very interesting circumstances.
Stephen: While serving in the CIA, you got the Agency’s Intelligence Medal of Merit.
Earnest: Yes.
Stephen: For superior performance throughout your career.
Earnest: Yes.
Stephen: Doesn’t having a CIA Medal of Merit on your chest kind of blow your cover when you’re in the field?

That’s a good looking medal.

Earnest: Yeah.
Stephen: That’s really nice.
Earnest: Yes, that’s the Medal of Merit, and since I’m no longer under cover, I have my medal.
Stephen: Can I take a look at that?
Earnest: You certainly can. You’ll notice, by the way, that has my name on it.
Stephen: It sure does.
Earnest: Yes.
Stephen: [ruminating abstractedly] That could be buffed off … Umm, how much you want for this?
Earnest: No, it’s - it’s priceless.
Stephen: Come on.
Earnest: No, I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t put a price on it.
Stephen: Come on!
Earnest: I wouldn’t sell it my medal. Well, what’s it worth?
Stephen: Fifty bucks.
Earnest: That medal’s worth –
Stephen: Fifty bucks.
Earnest: I wouldn’t sell it.
Stephen: Hundred.
Earnest: No, I mean there’s no …
Stephen: I want it.
Earnest: Well, now …
Stephen: Where do you keep this?
Earnest: I just have it right here on the, ah … credenza.
Stephen: Right over there?
Earnest: Yeah, right over there.
Stephen: Okay. Thank you

When working under cover, I assume it’s best to have a whole new identity.

Earnest: Yes. I think, in a few words … yes.
Stephen: Let me try one on you right now.
Earnest: Sure.
Stephen: [bewigged and moustachioed Stephen] Hello, I’m Peter Earnest. And who are you?
Earnest: I’m Peter Earnest.
Stephen: That can’t be, because I’m Peter Earnest.
*Earnest attempts to speak, with Stephen repeating all of Earnest’s words a split second afterward.*
Earnest: Well let me ask you this: Do you know where Peter Earnest was born?
Stephen: [petting his moustache and muttering] America - Scotland!
Earnest: Yes, Edinborough.
Stephen: Scotland … [looking around] This is my office, and that’s my desk. And that’s my medal. That’s my medal over there.
Earnest: No, now –
Stephen: That is my medal over there.
Earnest: We talked about that … ruled that out.
Stephen: Excuse me?
Earnest: We’ve ruled that out. The medal stays here.
Stephen: Which one is it, America? Who’s the real Peter Earnest? I’ll say something only Peter Earnest would say. [beat] I’m Peter Earnest.
Earnest: [laughing] But I’m Peter Earnest.
Stephen: Prepare yourself for a shock. [pulls off moustache and wig] You’re you.
Earnest: Well, I — I feel reassured.
Stephen: So, you appear to be sufficiently badass to teach me how to be a spy.
Earnest: [laughing] Thank you.
Stephen: Okay, let’s learn what spies do.

Your cable box will self-destruct in ten seconds!
My guest tonight is the host of The Rachel Maddow Show. I wonder who it is. Please welcome - oh! - Rachel Maddow!
Rachel, thank you so much for coming on … Now, obviously, my audience is extremely excited to have you here, and I got to tell you, I generally … I generally like it for them to be excited to have ME here, so this is already not going well.
Now, how many — just for the record — how many Peabodys do you have?

Maddow: I don’t have any Peabodys.
Stephen: Oh that’s … I’ve got a couple, but let me, um, if I can give you a tip that O’Reilly gave me, just say you have some. Nobody checks.
Maddow: [laughing] That’s very nice.
Stephen: Your show is interesting to me, because you have said that you try to go beyond the surface of the big news stories. [Maddow: Right.] Why would you do that? The surface is the nice shiny part. So what’s the purpose of that for you?
Maddow: Well, I think there’s a lot of different ways to approach the big stories of the day, and sometimes the biggest stories of the day aren’t the most, the most interesting. I mean, I’m interested in Barack Obama being the President-elect, sure, but you know, there’s also a new King of Bhutan today, who’s really hunky. He’s, like, twenty-eight and he looks like Elvis.
Stephen: Don’t … tell me something I don’t know. [Maddow: laughing] Of course, we were talking about the King of Bhutan all day here. We just cut that story out for time.
Maddow: I like … I’m a little bit of a policy dork, so I like to talk about that stuff sometimes, but there’s also just –
Stephen: You can’t tell.
Maddow: [laughing, abashed] I think you’re kidding.
Stephen: No! … You, ah, you believe that government has a role in — in governing us.
Maddow: Yes.
Stephen: ‘Cause government’s been on the out for eight years, we have been told — and I believe — that government is not the answer, but you’re … you don’t have a problem with government.
Maddow: Well, I mean, we have a government; we only have one, and feel like it’s a good idea that we should try to make it a good government, because it does have stuff to do.
Stephen: But wait a second, “we only have one government” sounds like the Loyalists during the Revolutionary War. That’s Benedict Arnold talk!
Maddow: [laughing] Yeah, I don’t want there to be any “Confederate States”. I want the government to work well, and I think that when conservatives crusade against government while they are trying to be appointed to head the government, I think that’s weird. Why would you hire somebody who wants to abolish something to run that thing? I mean –
Stephen: But who better to destroy something than the guy at the wheel? Just drive [Maddow: That's true] the bus off the cliff.
Maddow: That’s true.
Stephen: I mean, everybody thinks, everybody thinks that Katrina was a massive failure; I think that was a success for the Bush Administration. What they wanted was for the goverment to be able to do nothing, in moments like that.
Maddow: They wanted people to believe that the government can’t help you even at a time of disaster.
Stephen: Exactly, and they proved it.
Maddow: Yeah … I think the Bush Administration has essentially been like — I like vegans, but it’s like hiring a vegan to be your butcher. Like if you have somebody who is really against the idea of providing the service you have hired them for, they’re going to be bad at providing that service.

Maddow: Honestly, [Bush] has been a very soft target. And if you are in the business of making fun of people in the news, and I know this is not at all what you do here, but –

Stephen: That’s what you do, madam! You have your little quips and your little cuteness on your show, as my friend Dave Frum said about you, and I don’t believe that has any role in the news business.
Maddow: [laughing] He said he’s very much against the satirical tinge that news has taken …
Stephen: I’m with him.
Maddow: It is an outrage.
Stephen: Why do we need any relief from the day’s news? Just present the news in its bald form, and everyone will be happy.
Maddow: That’s right. The less funny, the better; that’s exactly right.
Stephen: Absolutely. Now, you also have a show on Air America?
Maddow: Yeah.
Stephen: Okay, do I need a hemp-powered radio to pick that up? How –
Maddow: [laughing]
Stephen: Tell me when I can get your show.
Maddow: You can get my show 6PM Eastern on Air America Radio, and if your radio doesn’t work, you can check us out on AirAmerica.com.
Stephen: Awesome. Now, you also know friend of the show Keith Olbermann.
Maddow: Yeah.
Stephen: Okay, and he’s obviously a great guy. Is — he’s crazy, right? He’s, like, honestly, like, dangerous, worried about him insane. He thinks he’s a chicken.
Maddow: I was — I was just before I came over here, I was hanging out with Keith. I think Keith is in great shape; I think that Keith is having the time of his life.
Stephen: Really? Mm-hmm.
Maddow: So, I think he’s doing very well.
Stephen: He doesn’t think he’s a chicken?
Maddow: [laughing] No.
Stephen: He doesn’t eat bits of gravel to help him digest food or anything like that?
Maddow: Not that I have ever seen. I think he’s pretty normal in that regard. He’s kind of the King of Cable right now –
Stephen: I beg your pardon, madam.
Maddow: Maybe a do-over is in order.
Stephen: Check your numbers. Rachel, thank you so much for joining us. Rachel Maddow, the Queen of Cable!

Fangirl Suit Report: Charcoal suit, ivory shirt with French cuffs. Red silk tie. WristSTRONG bracelet.

Stephen Colbert addresses growing feud between gay and black communities

Fri, 15 Nov 2008 03:42:08 GMT

posted by moonviper

Stephen Colbert took on the issue of black voters and gay marriage this week. In a spoof on a growing rivalry between opponents to Proposition 8, blacks and the Mormon church. It is hilarious. Watch the video above!

“I don’t see race, so I can only assume Mormons are black,” Colbert said in the piece.

Colbert even used disco to pit the black community and the gay community against each other.

I love it that “The Colbert Report” can take a serious issue and give us a good laugh. We need that sometimes.

Related Blogs

Related Blogs on Addresses
Radio addresses to go high-tech in Obama presidency
Dallas Entertainment

Related Blogs on Black Gay
Stop Scapegoating Black Folk on Proposition 8- Updated

Related Blogs on Colbert Report
Colbert Report on Women’s Health
Rachel Maddow on “The Colbert Report” and the cover of “The Advocate”

Related Blogs on Gay Black
Michael Jackson Offers to Mediate the Gay-Black Prop. 8 Divide
Dallas Nightlife

Related Blogs on Gay Communities
Married While Black
Going too far Against Prop 8
Hate is an ugly thing
Obama Wins. The Gay Community Loses. What Now?
MP3 Search

Related Blogs on Gay Community
Florida’s Amendment 2, Still a Close Call
The Last Word on Gay and Lesbian Retirement Communities
Voices: Night at the Gay Museum

Related Blogs on Gay Marriage

Related Blogs on Marriage
California Proposition 8 - Protect Traditional Marriage Winning 52-48%
Marriage Preserved, Thanks to Blacks
Dallas Entertainment

Related Blogs on Mormon Church
Californians Against Hate Files Official Complaint
FBI to Investigate Vandalism at Mormon Sites as Hate Crimes

Related Blogs on Mormons

Related Blogs on Opponents
Suns fighting themselves more than opponents

Related Blogs on Rivalry
No. 10 vs. No. 158: The rivalry lives on indeed
Do I smell a rivalry???

Related Blogs on Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert vs. Jane Austen
Fallback Friday - Stephen Colbert’s Fallback Position - Super Spy …

Klassic Kolbert: Stephen Colbert and Helen Thomas

Wed, 13 Nov 2008 20:56:46 GMT

posted by nofactzone

Regulars here should be familiar with our love for the great Helen Thomas, White House correspondent extraordinaire. We are happy to report that, after lengthy, health-related absence from the White House Press Room, Helen returned to her seat of honor earlier this week; Mediabistro (via HuffPo) has the video here.

This, of course, made me think back on Stephen’s many segments with Helen, from his Daily Show days to his tenure at The Colbert Report. I’m honestly not sure I can pick a favorite, but here are two candidates (please chime in with your nominations in the comments to this post):

At the White House — Covering the White House, Stephen Colbert cuts through the fog of information and facts and gets to the real story. The story is that Stephen Colbert is at the White House. [Editor's note: See also the Moment of Zen from that episode]

Stephen for Press Secretary — Stephen is kidnapped while making his audition tape for White House press secretary.

No matter which you pick, I think we can all agree that it’s always good to see her (especially with Stephen). Welcome back, Ms. Thomas!

Fallback Friday - Stephen Colbert’s Fallback Position - Super Spy Pt. 1

Wed, 13 Nov 2008 14:15:40 GMT

posted by craigprice

I know it’s only Thursday but part two is tomorrow and this is a nice way to end the week.

Even emmy winning pundits know that you can’t assume things will all turn out okay. You need a back-up plan, a “fallback position” if you will.

more about “Fallback Position - Peter Earnest | T…“, posted with vodpod

Posted in fallback position, humor, Humorist, making choices, motivation, motivational, negative, negative thinking, negative thoughts, negativity, planning, problems, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report