Vladimir Putin - Articles - Zimbio

VLADIMIR PUTIN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

Fri, 9 Feb 2008 18:46:54 GMT

posted by HuckFinn
Da, da, da. A crazy thought for sure. Or is it? p
political election humor
Vladimir Putin, president of Russia, will step down when his term ends next May and hand over the reigns to his protégé, Dmitry Medvedev. Medvedev has asked Putin to be prime minister, the second in command. I doubt Putin will play second fiddle to anyone – so, why not ask him to run for the presidency of U. S.?

If you know anything about the U.S. Constitution, asking Putin to run for the presidency is a political satire toward U.S. politicians. (On your left is Time Magazine's attempt at showing a mug shot of Putin.)

This blog was started to provide humor during the Campaign 2008 because I’m already sick of watching political bull sh#* on the news. On every channel is some commentator or presidential candidate spinning a story.

Political analysts watch every move the candidates make. They probably follow them to the bathroom. Other political analysts analyze what other political analysts say about what they are analyzing. And political commercials are talked about and compared to like the Super Bowl ads.

Maybe we should just vote for Putin for president. He’s done a GREAT job with Russia while the U.S. is sinking fast.

A little background…

Hold on! Before you call me a Communist or Socialist, I want you to understand that I’m very proud to be an American. I have no intention of having Putin as our president. However I believe he’d have done a much better job running our country for the last eight years.

I hate politics. I despise it. I can’t stand politicians. My stomach turns when I have listened to them babble about this and about that. Nothing ever gets done. But enough is enough. I’ve had it.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Campaign 2008 has just begun.

I decided to write this political satire blog because it kills me to see America becoming a “third world country.” You don’t believe it? Look around. The Hurricane Katrina fiasco! We spent billions of dollars setting up FEMA only to have our own people suffer. We gave more aid to the tsunami victims and virtually neglected our own American citizens in need. More people are jobless, without health insurance, and the middle class is quickly evaporating.

The personal self interests of our politicians are the problem. I fear we are following the path of the downfall of the Roman Empire. Our politicians are controlled by self-interest groups and lobbyists.

I'm neither Democrat nor Republican -- I guess I’m Independent. I like some principles both Democrats and Republicans represent. But the parties are just not doing it for average Americans.

In order to win, politicians must figure out how to tell the most voters exactly what they want to hear. Unfortunately that leads to a lot of promises on the part of the candidates. Should we have a third political party or will that only lead to more lies?

Putin for President. He might be the solution to the problems, we Americans are facing. We should demand a president who'll stand firm on his beliefs and make things happen. We need a President who'll make Americans proud to be Americans – just as the Russians are proud to be Russian.

Putin is controversial, even in Russia. And I don’t agree with everything he’s done, but last time I checked, he has a higher approval rating than our President Bush.

The Russian economy is booming, while the U.S. economy is going down the toilet. Despite Putin controlling the Russian media, the Russians love him because he brought them out of bankruptcy. Russians are again proud to be Russian. Under Putin’s presidency, the average Russian salary has doubled in the last five years.

Russia is again a global super power.

Doubling of Russian salaries was a huge achievement. How did Putin do it? When the price of natural commodities sky rocketed, he skillfully distributed the windfall from the profits in ways that benefited everyone: rich and poor.

If I lived in Russia, Putin would have had my vote, despite some of the human rights issues he has been accused of. And don’t get me started on human rights issues. Last time I checked, our government has violated a few citizen right issues as well – all in the name of national security.

Unfortunately, no candidate in America has my vote today. I am undecided. Chances are that you’re undecided as well.

Time Magazine voted Putin as the '"Person of the Year. I predicted Putin would win it before it was announced because of what he has done for Russia in the last five years. Putin will be a major player on the global stage for the next twenty to thirty years. Time called him “dangerous.”

How can Putin be dangerous to America? Putin said he wants to be friends with the U.S. Our current administration is screwing this up. We need better relations with Russia not another cold war.

The world used to love America. What happened?

In the eight year Bush has been president, American has become an enemy in the opinion of most of the world.

The cold war is over. America doesn't need to be a moral and global cop anymore. Nor should we. We no longer have the political or financial ability. We have major issues within our own borders. If we don’t solve them fast, the U.S. will be a third world country within the next twenty years.

When I look at all the crap on television about Campaign 2008, I see politicians posturing themselves and attacking each other. They avoid the most important issues concerning the American people - such as the economy, energy, budget, elderly and education.

I don’t care if the politician is a Mormon, Muslim, Christian, black, white, male, female, young or old. So what if they smoked dope or did drugs in college? This has nothing to do with solving our problems today. I absolutely cannot figure out why this “free” country” has never voted a woman or a black person to be president. For heaven’s sake, third world countries, with less democracy, have had female presidents.

Politicians promise to solve every problem. It’s not realistically possible. Let’s limit it to ten critical issues. Count them on your fingers.

The 10 ISSUES that must be addressed by our candidates:

VLADIMIR PUTIN: KEEPIN' IT REAL

Wed, 15 Nov 2007 20:27:09 GMT

posted by jmd477

It's no fun living these days with the constant threat of terrorism and terrorist attacks hanging over our heads. Though we should've expected 9/11 for a number of reasons, how could we ever have anticipated a catastrophe along those lines?
For me, one of the saddest aspects of what the US is dealing with is the type of enemy that Osama Bin-Laden and Al-Qaeda is. Are they smart? Hell yeah. Courageous? Sure. Crazy? You bet. As far as terrorists and Enemies of the State go, they've got it all. Well, almost.
What these guys are missing is a very important element to fanatical, international terrorists who find themselves on the top of the American shit-list: they aren't cool. There's nothing particularly thrilling, wild, or dare I say sexy, about any of them. But then there's Russia's Vladimir Putin, and he changes everything.
Now we can't say 100% that Putin, Russia's leader, is a definite enemy of the US, but I'd say that, in all likelihood, he hates America with a passion. And, frankly, that's OK by me. Putin is the kind of enemy we need a little bit more of. He's in-your-face, aloof and downright creepy.
While Osama was hiding in a cave somewhere with his bodyguards, dialysis machine, and video camera, and Saddam was shitting his pants in some Shiite's cupboard, Putin was making the rounds, meeting with foreign leaders, kissing little kids, and rousing his people. He's a throwback to a bygone error of enemies. Vladimir Putin makes it feel like it's 1985 again, and I kind of like that.
There was a time, some two or three decades back, when America's enemies didn't look like the guy you see at your local Mobil station or 7-11. They didn't have some strange hyphenated names and they didn't pray five times a day to a different God. They ate the same type of food we do (though it was rationed), and they could drink- boy, could they drink. They didn't rely on sucker-punch tactics like hijacking planes and flying them into buildings, killing thousands of innocent people. They were colder, more calculating, but just as effective. There were torture chambers, cocktails of poisons, and tales of agents switching sides. Ah the good old days! And while all of this seemed to have ended when the Berlin Wall came down back in '89, thanks to Premiere Putin, it may all be making a comeback.
With a background in the KGB, Putin learned from the best of the worst. And he was handpicked by Boris Yeltsin (remember that jolly old drunk?) to be his successor. Like all good, old-school, tyrannical leaders, Putin is paranoid and has zero-tolerance for dissidents and those who oppose him.
Take, for example, the strange circumstances surrounding Alexander Litvinenko, a former Russian spy. Apparently, Litvinenko met with a Russian official who claimed to have information regarding the death of a promiment, female Russian journalist (more about her shortly). They met for lunch and, just hours later, Litvinenko started to feel sick to his stomach, was dehydrated, and his hair started to fall out. A few weeks later, he was gone. The Kremlim denied any sort of involvement and tried to peg it on Litvinenko's underworld connections. Why shouldn't they?
But back to that slain journalist.....
Anna Politkovskaya was one of Russia's most acclaimed journalists. In more recent times, she regularly criticized the Kremlin and it's various policies. She accused Putin of- among other things- encouraging a climate of corruption and brutality all throughout Russia. On October 7th, 2006, she was found dead in the elevator of her apartment building. She was shot for times- once in the head.
And then there's the mouth on Putin...
He once criticized Vice-President Cheney by saying, "I think the statements of your Vice-President of this sort are the same as an unsuccessful hunting shot."
In 2006, he met with Israel's Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert. During that meeting he said, "Say hello to your president (Moshe Katsav). He really surprised us...turned out to be quite a mighty man. He raped 10 women. I never expected it from him. He surprised all of us. We all envy him."
Paranoia, poison, arrogance and misogyny. This has all the makings of a classic James Bond villain. Does it get any better than Vladimir Putin? I think not.
To make matters even more entertaining, the French spelling or his name is "Poutine," which is actually a famous Canadian dish consisting of French Fries topped with cheese curds, hot brown gravy and onions.
In the most recent James Bond adventure, "Casino Royale," Bond's supervisor, "M," played by Dame Judi Dench proclaimed- in a fit of rage- "Christ! I miss The Cold War."
Sometimes, Dame Judi, we all do. As awful as it was, think of all of the entertaining aspects that The Cold War brought us- Olympic boycotts, athletes wearing jackets that said "CCCP," and movies like "Rocky IV," "Red Dawn," and "White Nights." Well, thanks to Vladimir Putin, the embers of The Cold War are still burning ever so slightly.
Putin is currently up for reelection. His opponent, former chess champion and Russian celebrity, Garry Kasparov, seems to be running a campaign hell-bent on calling Putin out on all of his wrong-doings. So far, he seems to be doing quite well and may actually prove to be a formidable and dangerous opponent. That is, of course, if Putin and his people don't get to Kasparov first and make him disappear.

- www.JonRantsandRaves.blogspot.com

PutinToon 21 - Putin is Apple

Fri, 9 Feb 2008 18:45:55 GMT

posted by HuckFinn

HUCK FINN COMMENTS: When I was in college (God, that sounds so old), I was a big fan of Apple and Macintosh. Unfortunately, when I dropped out of college and entered the technology sector, I was forced, yes, FORCED to bow down to the "PC Gods" and the always-buggy, loads up like a snail and user NON-friendly DOS and Windows operating systems. What can I say? I sold out to PC and...

DOS/Windows because the business world demanded PCs in the workplace.

But times are changing. There was a time when Steve Jobs had to fly up to Bill Gates and kiss his ass in order to save Apple from becoming a grapefruit. This wasn't so long ago, folks. Today, Apple is considered one of the most innovative companies on the planet. Apple wasn't the first to launch some of the cool products, but they made it easy to use, very user-friendly and targeted to the masses.

APPLE IS COOL, INNOVATIVE, SMART HIP AND FRESH!

PC and Microsoft are old, boring, stodgy and so uncool. That's why you see those Mac ads making fun of the PC guy. When you look at the Campaign 2008 candidates, they're like the PC/Windows of the computer/software world. I'm talking about both Republican and Democrat. They have no imagination or innovation. Hillary and Obama have to resort to fighting words in order to keep voters' interest. The Republicans don't even know how to get on the cool wagon. They're so out of touch, it's scary. (Now, I'm not Democrat or Republican.)

There's one person who thinks like an Apple. He's over 70, but thinks like a young man. He's innovative and in touch with young minds. His nick name is "Dr. No."

Ron Paul is hipper than all the other candidates combined.

He attracts the largest young audience because he's used to telling the government "NO." He's cool with the young but not so cool with media. The media shuns him because they're afraid of him. He's so different from the other candidates that mass markets think of him as a freak show. But he is what he is. He doesn't bull sh*% like the rest of them

RON PAUL IS APPLE. VLADIMIR PUTIN IS APPLE.

What Vladimir Putin has done for Russia is nothing short of super hero feats. He brought Russia single-handedly out of insolvency and changed it into a super power again.

Apple is the hero of the technology industry. Putin is the hero of Russia. Ron Paul is the hero of the American Constitution. Innovative minds among the old, stodgy, non-progressive regimes.

I hear Putin doesn't use a computer. I bet if he did, he'd buy a Mac. Steve Jobs should mail Putin the new Airbook. How can you not use a product like that?

What would Putin do? Would he put a Mac into every home in America so that we don't waste ten minutes loading Windows every frickin' morning? Those minutes add up to a lot of wasted time in American business! Is this one of the causes of our current recession??

Would Putin ask Ron Paul to be his running mate under The Amerikan Party? Da, da, da... that is the question.

(P.S. This is not an endorsement for Ron Paul. I'm still undecided.)

Huck Finn, Chairman, The Amerikan Party

"Smart-Ass Politics for Smart People.” ^TM

Posted on Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 07:32 PM in Daily Web Blogs, PutinToons | Permalink

Putin Shoots Tiger, Saves TV Crew, Hunting Buddies Are Unharmed

Mon, 9 Sep 2008 02:31:45 GMT

posted by jmjorat

Did you hear the one about an ex-KGB officer, turned dictator, who was walking around with a TV crew and a tranquilizer gun? They were hunting waaaaabits, err, tigers.

Score one for Putin. He was reportedly tagging along with a conservation group and a TV crew when a Siberian tiger charged them. Putin the man shot the animal with his tranquilizer gun. He was called a national hero without even having to resort to Polonium poisoning (remember Alexander Litvinenko)?

President Bush had him pegged. It must have been Putin’s good pro-democracy soul that kicked into high gear and saved the crew. And no, he did not have a friend with him to accidentally shoot. Putin’s heart grew 10 times bigger that day which, together combined with Cheney’s heart, is the envy of all hobbits.

Tsar of the Year

Wed, 20 Dec 2007 06:48:12 GMT

posted by amazon-blogs

Well, so much for my prognosticating abilities: Time announced their Person of the Year today, and it wasn't David Petraeus, nor was it J.K. Rowling, nor was it Al Gore. I don't feel as bad about the person they did select, Vladimir Putin (I did say he'd be an "interesting choice"), as about the fact that Petraeus, who I had pegged as the clear favorite, was apparently only their fifth choice. Maybe the commenters to the last post who thought that Time, as a "Leftist" rag, would never pick the general had a point, although on my scale Putin sits pretty far to the right of Petraeus. But meanwhile, this gives me one more chance to remind everyone that President Putin is, like Gore and Rowling, a published author: while in office he found time to cowrite Judo: History, Theory, Practice. But he still has some catching up to do: Joseph Stalin, in addition to being named Man of the Year twice, was a poet early in his career (as described in Simon Sebag Montefiore's new Young Stalin) and authored an endless series of books, including his, um, contribution to literary criticism, Marxism and Problems of Linguistics. --Tom