'The Bachelor' Season Finale Recap: How Badly Did Juan Pablo Screw Up?


It feels like only yesterday it was Juanuary and The Bachelor was just beginning. Oh how the time passes! We were so innocent then. We did not yet know that Juan Pablo would end up being a super jerk the likes of which The Bachelor hasn’t seen before — at least not as the bachelor. The contestants are another story. But now, we’ve seen it all. We’ve made it through two women’s surprise departures, the possible ocean sex with Clare, and many, many besitos. Tonight was The Bachelor finale and much like the rest of the season, it was full of the unexpected and Juan Pablo’s insensitivity. Here’s what happened!

Clare and Nikki Meet Juan Pablo's Family (Separately)
Clare and Nikki’s family meet ups go exactly the same. They both meet Juan Pablo’s mother, father, cousin, brother, sister, daughter, and niece. Juan Pablo’s family is amazing in that they are not one hundred percent on #TeamJuanPablo. All of them express concern that Juan Pablo isn’t great in relationships and needs someone who will stick with him and not run because that’s what he tends to do. Juan Pablo’s mom tells Clare, “He is sometimes very rude.” Clare responds that he made her cry and the mom says, “Me too.” Basically, this guy is trouble and his family knows it. Juan Pablo’s mom has another great quote she tells to Nikki that sums everything up, “He is charismatic, but Juan Pablo is not easy.”

Clare's Date
This is when things start getting wild. Clare and Juan Pablo go for a helicopter ride around St. Lucia and we find out that there was a point, during landing, when the cameras and microphones were off and Juan Pablo told Clare something. We find out because even though the microphones were off, that doesn’t mean Clare isn’t going to tell in the confessional as soon as possible. She says that JP told her he doesn’t really know her and made a weird sexual comment. She is very upset about it and I’m like, “Oh snap! Another lady is going to leave!” But not so fast…

Later, Juan Pablo arrives to Clare’s hotel room for the second part of their date — calm your jets, it’s a suite and they’re just hanging in the living room — and she brings up what he said in the helicopter. He says something along the lines of, of course they don’t know everything about each other because it’s been such a short time and he tells her that he can see having babies with her very soon. It’s not a convincing argument AT ALL, but Clare gathers that this is reassurance and feels better, doesn’t leave, and is totally on board again.

Nikki's Date
Nikki and Juan Pablo go on a boat (helicopter was already taken) and it’s totally boring. Absolutely nothing of interest happens. During the night time portion, Nikki gives him a framed photo of them riding horses (That time when he said if she was riding the horse in a thong, he would ride behind her. Yuck!) and a card that professes her love. I thought that at the end of the date he whispered something in her ear, which caused her to cry when he left, but it’s never brought up again so I guess she just cried because she was overcome with emotion.

The Final Rose
Clare enters the Rose Ceremony very confident. I mean, they have already been through two fights in their brief time together and so obviously that means that they have a strong foundation and not "OMG get out because no one should fight that much that soon!" Juan Pablo rejects Clare and seems totally calm and collected about doing it. Clare gets very upset, as she should, and tells him that she gave him a chance to let her go the other night, but he reassured her that she should stick around. (Again, he did an undeniably poor job of this.) She tells him that she lost all respect for him and that she would never want a man like him raising her children. Go Clare! I never really cared for her, but she told it like it was in this situation and I was glad to see her escape his clutches.

The poison cherry on the top of all of this is that as soon as Clare is out of sight, Juan Pablo says, “Woo! I’m glad I didn’t pick her!” He. Is. The. Worst.

Nikki shows up for her portion of the Rose Ceremony and as she approaches, Juan Pablo is shown holding an engagement ring and then a single rose. Nikki says her spiel about falling in love and Juan Pablo brings up the point her father made during hometown visits about not proposing unless he’s 100 percent sure. He tells her that he is not going to use the ring, but says “I’m 100 percent sure that I don’t wanna let you go.” Never says, "I love you." She accepts the rose and they live happily ever after for two weeks until she inevitably realizes that he’s a horrible boyfriend and definitely not husband material.

Or maybe you watched the after-show and already know what goes down. We’re keeping it to the proper episode of The Bachelor here, so that’s all folks!

What did you think about The Bachelor finale? Or what about the season overall? It was a doozy,right? Vent your emotions in the comments!

(Photos: ABC)