Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Last night New York was hit by a tragic Sharknado, just one year after Los Angeles suffered the same bizarre weather phenomenon. To prevent future death and destruction at the hands (or mouths) of these airborne killing machines, we need to better understand the Sharknado, starting with all the absolutely absurd ways it can murder you.
A Sharknado can take down an entire plane just by blowing out the engines:
Avoid the sewers as both bloodthirsty sharks and alligators call them home:
They come from the ceiling when you're trying to do your business:
More plane sharks. Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?
The "nado" part of a Sharknado can kill you with the Statue of Liberty's giant, spiky head:
Whale sharks are not fans of city bike shares:
Goddammit, now we have to worry about flaming sharks falling from the sky?!
And never EVER attend a taping of Live with Kelly & Michael:
But a Sharknado is not a guarantee of impending death. There are ways to defend yourself and survive.
Practice your baseball swing:
Or baseball stab:
Always carry a taser:
You have all the weaponry you need if you work at a pizzeria:
That Game of Thrones memorabilia you got on eBay will come in handy:
Hatchet throws!
Super-Soaker flame throwers will do the trick:
Chainsaws are always a good call:
So are guns, spears, and machetes:
When in doubt, lasso the shark onto an antenna:
And of course, if you have your hand bitten off by a flying shark:
Make sure you replace it with a circular saw:
A Sharknado can take down an entire plane just by blowing out the engines:
Avoid the sewers as both bloodthirsty sharks and alligators call them home:
They come from the ceiling when you're trying to do your business:
More plane sharks. Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?
The "nado" part of a Sharknado can kill you with the Statue of Liberty's giant, spiky head:
Whale sharks are not fans of city bike shares:
Goddammit, now we have to worry about flaming sharks falling from the sky?!
And never EVER attend a taping of Live with Kelly & Michael:
But a Sharknado is not a guarantee of impending death. There are ways to defend yourself and survive.
Practice your baseball swing:
Or baseball stab:
Always carry a taser:
You have all the weaponry you need if you work at a pizzeria:
That Game of Thrones memorabilia you got on eBay will come in handy:
Hatchet throws!
Super-Soaker flame throwers will do the trick:
Chainsaws are always a good call:
So are guns, spears, and machetes:
When in doubt, lasso the shark onto an antenna:
And of course, if you have your hand bitten off by a flying shark:
Make sure you replace it with a circular saw: 
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