Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)

Last night New York was hit by a tragic Sharknado, just one year after Los Angeles suffered the same bizarre weather phenomenon. To prevent future death and destruction at the hands (or mouths) of these airborne killing machines, we need to better understand the Sharknado, starting with all the absolutely absurd ways it can murder you.

A Sharknado can take down an entire plane just by blowing out the engines: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Avoid the sewers as both bloodthirsty sharks and alligators call them home:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
They come from the ceiling when you're trying to do your business: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
More plane sharks. Where's Samuel L. Jackson when you need him?Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
The "nado" part of a Sharknado can kill you with the Statue of Liberty's giant, spiky head: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Whale sharks are not fans of city bike shares: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Goddammit, now we have to worry about flaming sharks falling from the sky?!Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
And never EVER attend a taping of Live with Kelly & Michael: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
But a Sharknado is not a guarantee of impending death. There are ways to defend yourself and survive.

Practice your baseball swing:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Or baseball stab: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Always carry a taser: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
You have all the weaponry you need if you work at a pizzeria:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
That Game of Thrones memorabilia you got on eBay will come in handy:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Hatchet throws!Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Super-Soaker flame throwers will do the trick: Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
Chainsaws are always a good call:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
So are guns, spears, and machetes:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
When in doubt, lasso the shark onto an antenna:Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
And of course, if you have your hand bitten off by a flying shark:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)Make sure you replace it with a circular saw:
Here Are All the Ridiculous Ways a Sharknado Can Kill You (And How You Can Survive One)
I'm the former Interactives Editor at Zimbio. I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with my cat. Follow me: Google
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