Last week, Patrick killed another person — his rapist dad Jimmy — and the first Mrs. Grayson (Stevie, that is) declared war on Victoria. Also, Stevie is Jack’s real mom. Get it? Got it? Good.
Lindsay: This clash of the Grayson lady titans is giving me life. The cleavage, the jewels, the one liners: it’s like Dynasty was renewed and relocated to the Hamptons. Stevie Grayson (the first missus, who clearly has the better name like my idol Stevie Nicks) is staking claim on Grayson Manor, and Victoria is having none of it. They trade insults and Vicki ensures that she is not vacating this splendor. At the art gala event at the house, Vicki pulls out the stops, trying to insinuate that Grayson Manor could be a historically protected site, which, probably not, since it was more than likely built in the latter half of the last century. That’s what all of the houses look like out there, and none of them are historical. But I digress. More barbs are exchanged, and then Victoria slinks away. Stevie wins this round.
Jess: Victoria’s also having none of Patrick antics after he gets himself assaulted for showing up at Jimmy’s wake, calling out the deceased as a rapist, and spitting on Jimmy’s picture. When Mama V picks Patty up from the PD, he’s all emo about killing Jimmy, and Victoria tells him to get the eff over it. Wise words, V. But we know he won’t. She sees this and later confronts Nolan, placing all the blame of Patrick finding Jimmy and spiraling down this path on Nolan. So Nolan pays a very shirtless and very sweaty Patrick a visit to say: STOP KILLING PEOPLE, stop doing Victoria’s bidding, and start doing art again. Nolan also gets Aiden to return to help Ems. Basically, Nolan is doing a lot of good this week. And Patrick gets an apprenticeship offer (in Italy) out of it (Vic bribed the artist to offer it, though) and LEAVES VICTORIA A GOODBYE VOICEMAIL. Look, as much as we rag on the creepy romantic vibes we pick up whenever Patrick and Victoria are together, it seems a little harsh to bounce without an in-person goodbye, no? Whatevs, good riddance Patty.
Lindsay: Ems sneaks into Conrad’s suite at the South Fork (which he now calls home and this makes Charlotte sad, but who cares about Charlotte, really?) to kill him, and Aiden follows her inside and kidnaps her, tying her up in either an unfinished basement or Montauk fishing warehouse. He tells her she needs a plan, she struggles against the ties, and he says that she needs to deal with her issues, Takeda-style. This means basically waterboarding her. “Only can by stripping away the body can we focus on your mind,” says Aiden. That’s cool and all, but you know what’s also cool? Oxygen. Emily gets there, though, blaming her father for all of this. Can I get a #DaddyIssues? She has a flashback to a time when she saw Victoria and her dad boning, and her dad yelled at her to get out. She ran away, and then told her dad to get rid of Victoria, and he said no, that he loved her and Ems would, too. Groundbreaking, soul-wrenching stuff here, folks. Revelations are founded, and Ems and Aiden smooch a bunch. Too bad Daniel’s P.I. catches them. Oh well: to be honest, I couldn’t give a fig about Daniel at this point. Bring Sara back and let them run away together.
Jess: The ballad of Jack Porter continues this week when Mrs. Stevie Grayson pays him a visit to show him a box of “I’m really your mother” goodies. He’s still not having it but pays her a visit in turn when he finds out she emailed the realtor of that “cozy home” he and Margaux wanted on his behalf. He kinda sorta accuses her of doing this all out of guilt over leaving him (...and Declan? Maybe? Are they half-brothers and we never knew it? Oh, turns out: yes.) and she shows him out before crying. Jack later asks Emily about her own experience with a mother coming by outta the blue and confides in her about Stevie. Ems says, if it’s true, Stevie’s the only parent Jack has and maybe he should give ol’ Mrs. G. a chance. But be careful, because, you know, that Grayson name. Turns out Stevie was an alcoholic, so she left to protect Jack from who she was then. Now she’s almost 20 years sober, yay! And at the end of the episode, Emily brings out David Clarke’s trusty leather notebooks (from the snazzy metal infinity box Nolan gifted her) to read a snippet about a drunk lawyer who visited him in prison...a lawyer Emily now things was Stevie Grayson. Dunh dunh dunh!
- What’s happening with Nolan’s hair? It’s not quite hombre, not quite brown, not quite blonde. Nolan, get your roots done.
Best Lines from “Struggle”:
- “For starters, why don’t you put the knife down?” - Nolan has his priorities in order while trying to calm Emily down.
- “They ruled that an accident.” “Which is fast becoming a euphemism for ‘Patrick did it.’” - Real talk with Patrick and Nolan.
- "I hardly think Grayson Manor qualifies [as a historical building], unless there’s a legacy in tabloid scandals.” - Stevie
Hate to say it, dear readers, but nothing really happened in this episode. But, that’s okay: every season needs one or two foundation episodes to gear up to the big finish. After all, it’s the off-season in the Hamptons. Until next week, contemplate how atrocious their green screen is, and we’ll see you Sunday for more revenge-y goodness.