'Pretty Little Liars' 5.18 Recap: The Tell-Tale HeArt

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.18 Recap: The Tell-Tale HeArt
(ABC Family)

Last week ended with (probably) a body in a barrel, so where could the liArs possibly go this week? Looks like we’re being introduced to a new friend, who looks like a combination of Daria and Lindsay from that sad second season of The O.C.. Anyway, let’s see what we’re dealing with this week in Rosewood...

Lindsay: #HotCop is back, mother-effers! That fine ass is ready to take down the liArs, and I, for one, am ready to watch. The liArs speculate on why he’s back, and mostly they decide that it’s to show off that he’s there and ready to put the liArs in jail. Intimidation. Effective, I guess. It’s also worth noting that Mrs. Hastings (aka Spencer’s mom) is helping Ali’s defense attorneys with their lawyering. The liArs are all “huh,” but Spencer says she’s really doing it to find out what evidence Ali’s lawyers have and who is on their list to testify against her. Smart, Mrs. H. Spencer, of course, finds these documents in her house (because her mother is too stupid to lock them up away from her daughter) and snaps a pic. Spencer, why can’t you just leave well enough alone? Anywho, it turns out that Mike (aka Aria’s lil’ bro’) visit Ali in jail. And… drumroll… the blood the cops found next to the barrel isn’t MonA’s. It’s Ali’s. Say whaaaa?

Jess: New character alert! As if we didn’t have enough to keep track of already - ah, PLL, what a tangled web you weave. Leslie comes into the EZ Bookshoppe looking for Hanna, and even though she says she was tipped off by Mrs. MonA’s Mom and was a close friend of MonA’s, the liArs (mostly Spencer) are suspicious. As she rightly points out, “the last time we met someone’s old friend, it was CeCe.” And CeCe turned out to be sketch as hell, what with the switching souls with Ali and the Red Coat-ing and the smashing snakes with mannequin legs and the prank calling JennA. Shudder. But she was still fascinating. Bring back CeCe!

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.18 Recap: The Tell-Tale HeArt
Caleb has been called back into the police station to talk about the storage unit sitch, and he and Hanna talk about their devious plans in the police station, which is stupid. Luckily, they overhear #HotCop (Sean Faris in not his best acting) screaming that the Rosewood Police Department has mishandled this whole case from the beginning. Has something gone awry, Detective Holbrook? Turns out he’s been suspended for inappropriate behavior aka tampering with Ali’s lie-detector test. AND SMOOCHING ALI PROBS.

Jess: And speaking of fraternizing with Ali, Aria tries to talk to Mike about how he, um, visited Ali (WTF Mikey???), but he’s too busy watching a bucket list of movies that MonA wanted him to watch. Sad. So he and Aria chat about how smart MonA was instead, and Hanna and Leslie are having a very similar conversation at the same time, in MonA’s bedroom. Cue a Hanna/MonA flashback, to a sleepover discussing wishes. MonA wanted a stopwatch that would stop time and give you control of...everything. Hanna reads into that memory, because it was really MonA wanting to be the puppetmaster...and also have some control over her tortured life. Oh, the two complicated sides of MonA. So happy they’re still letting her shine even though she’s deAd.

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.18 Recap: The Tell-Tale HeArt
#NewWeirdFriend and Hanna take something from MonA’s room because #NewWeirdFriend wants something to remember MonA by. When they leave and head to The Buzz (or whatever the coffee shop is named), Mike is there and freaks out that they took something of MonA’s, saying that they “can’t keep trying to erase her.” Poor Mike is obviously still in mourning, but to make things worse (and weirder) #NewWeirdFriend tells Hanna a story about how, the night before MonA died, she and MonA were on the phone and a male voice interrupted and told her to talk to him instead. MonA never called back, and #NewWeirdFriend is pretty sure that that voice was Mike’s. Like, are we really going to point the killer direction at Mike right now? Hasn’t this kid been through enough?

Jess: Later, we get more of the Hanna/MonA slumber party flashback, triggered by the volume of Poe stories Leslie stole/borrowed from MonA’s room. In the middle of the night, Han asks MonA, “what if Ali came back, would we recognize her? What if she was in disguise and wanted to check on us?” (Was Hanna psychic, or something? I’m unclear about the timeline of this flashback - was MonA “A” yet? Had Ali come back to visit the liArs yet? I need clarity, PLL writers!) MonA gets a little crazy-eyed and says that it’d be Ali who wouldn’t recognize them, a town full of strangers who’d forgotten all about her. Then Ali’d get thrown in Radley, like one of the Poe stories. So, obviously, back in real time Hanna is inspired and shakes the Poe book and pulls out a mini-cassette from its’ spine. Conveniently hidden by MonA for just this occasion! Turns out it’s a recording of Bethany talking to her therapist about an “evil bitch” and “self-defense.” Hanna assumes she’s talking about Ali, but we don’t get to hear names being named. We do get to see Hanna pulled over by #HotCop on her way home from listening to the recording with Caleb (in an illegal cop car, since he’s suspended). He gets REAL creepy with her, talking about “how a girl like Alison becomes a girl like Alison” and blames his downfall on Ali. He also asks if Hanna kissing him was an Ali-directed move. How far back do Holbrook and Ali go?! Fun fact, apparently he was being interrogated the past few weeks and wasn’t the fall guy working at the storage place/ice cream factory. Hanna then gets the most badass she’s ever gotten, slapping Holbrook, pushing him, and slamming his car door in his face. I was actually cheering.

Lindsay: Aria follows Mike onto a dock where he leaves a bag of sour gummy candies for someone. When Aria stops to examine the package, Mike totally catches her. Woops. She confronts him about visiting Ali, and he is all “I don’t want to see you out here again, I’m making my own decisions now, don’t tell me what I can’t do.” Mike is growing up! So much teenage angst.

Jess: And here’s where we end this week, liArs fans: Mike visits Ali again, while the liArs discuss the Bethany recording and how “she’s not the only one who can make plans” must mean that what happened in the DiLaurentis backyard That Night was a trap. But who set it for whom? THAT’S WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW!

Pretty Little Notes:
  • “I just hope I didn’t make things incredibly worse.” Way to start the episode, Han.
  • Ezra’s commissioned art from Hipster Jonny for the EZ Bookshoppe. Of course. OF COURSE. And Jonny is sketching his art plans on the back of a “Missing Ali” flier that he found in the Hastings’ barn. Awk-ward.
  • Since it’s almost V-Day in our world, how about a little romantic update on our liArs? Em is creeping on Talia, and they sorta flirt, and it’s awkward. Caleb gives Em romantic advice, and it’s even more awkward. But then Em and Talia kiss, and it’s cute. Aria hasn’t told her BFFs that Ezra dumped her a$$. Spencer feels guilty about how “not okay” things are between her and Toby. Hanna and Caleb are probs about to go to prison 2ge+her. Fin.
  • “I’m whimsical, but I never kid.” JONNY PLEASE GO AWAY.
  • Jonny’s art is actually a secret-telling machine, which is EXACTLY what Rosewood needs. More secret-y stuff.
  • Spencer is thinking about ditching the whole college plan and her mom is NOT pleased about that. Uh, duh. I could’ve told you that, Spence.

And that’s all we wrote this week, kids. Next week looks like it’ll be nice and bloody, and maybe we’ll get some A action, since he/she/it seemed pretty po’d not to find the cassette tape in the Poe book in this week’s tag. Here’s hoping. Leave your thoughts and questions in the comments and we’ll see you in seven days!