What’s up, Pretty Little Liars fans? On Twitter today, PLL creator I. Marlene King warned fans that episode 5.17 might leave viewers with the chills...and maybe tears. So, did it? To the recap!
Jess: We open on the liArs downloading from the night’s events, as per usual, and Hanna is super-freaking out (also as per usual) that the storage unit was rented in her name the day before MonA died — and she has no alibi because she was alone with Caleb that afternoon, prepping the Thanksgiving turkey (man, that feels like so long ago). A lot of info comes out in these first few minutes, most of which we knew, but some of the liArs didn’t: Hanna visited Ali, “H” was a wild goose chase, not really Holbrook being useful, etc. The important bit is that Caleb plans to hack into the storage unit files and erase Hanna’s name/corrupt the files/whatever and then the liArs want to tell #BadCop about tracing MonA’s laptop to the unit. Hanna is the only one not on board with this plan.
Lindsay: Hanna is researching chemical-proof gloves (so Walter White right now) when Ashley comes into the kitchen, and they talk about how Ashley is not telling Pastor Ted about her indiscretion with Jason. Hanna doesn’t think it’s a great idea, and she’s right — A is bound to bring all that out, no? Don’t we ever learn, guys? Anyway, speaking of the chemical-proof gloves, Hanna thinks she can outsmart CSI and Rosewood Police and has this whole giant plan to basically kidnap the drum Mona’s body is allegedly in and turn it into police using burner phones and MonA’s laptop and hoodies and camera hacking and I don’t know. I think she watches too much television, but she guilts Caleb into helping her.
Jess: And speaking of the Rosewood PD, Toby gets off on a bad foot with #BadCop this week when he raises his suspicion that Holbrook tampered with Ali’s polygraph results. Why would Holbrook help Ali? “People saw them kissing at the Christmas party.” Way to be vague, Tobes. #BadCop shuts him down ASAP and tells him to stop investigating his superiors — like, yesterday. Later, the duo arrive at The Storage Unit (sounds like an NYC club from the 80s) and run right into #Haleb, who have just moved the laptop to an abandoned ice cream factory (sure, why not) and are about to move the barrel somewhere (in between visits to the unit, someone else empties out all the other contents). It’s...awkward, because #BadCop is actually good at her job and she pokes holes in Caleb’s “I’m here to rent a unit” story. Toby looks like he wants to poo his pants in fear. Meanwhile, when Spencer, Aria, and Emily track MonA’s laptop to an ice cream funhouse, Spencer discovers a recording of Caleb and Hanna discussing visiting The Unit and Emily discovers some freeze-dried almonds. Aria is...useless.
Lindsay: Last week’s receipt of doom has pushed Aria into confessing about that whole “sorry I dated an old guy” college letter thing. Ezra takes it like, way too well, so well in fact that he assures her that everything is okay and he’s happy she got in and Jackie must have lapped all of that up. Which, yes, she did, but what? Ezra has a creepy, off-putting smile after this whole exchange, so it’s definitely not over. Later, we see Ezra quietly rereading the essay at his desk, definitely fancying himself Ernest Hemingway reading a letter from an old lover. When he presents Aria with an embossed leather journal as a present for getting into college, and Ezra is like, “‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people” and DUMPS Aria, citing that she’s going to meet other people and she has to fly free like the butterfly she is, yadda yadda yadda. Aria wistfully reads her yearbook, in which she has no after-school activities or clubs listed, because “Banging My English Teacher” isn’t an officially sanctioned club. Oh, well. #NoRegrets
Jess: And A is fancying him/herself as the killer from Se7en this season, between the plastic wrap, the kiln, and now the freezer. Luckily/of course, Emily arrives to save Aria and Spencer from becoming as freeze-dried as those almonds. Not freeze-dried? Whatever’s in that barrel. #BadCop and Toby are so alarmed by the smell its contents give off and the drops of blood on the floor by it that they call in for a hazmat team. Gag. Hanna is PISSED that Toby showed up to ruin her plan, and she takes it out on Spencer, who then calls Toby and gets ignored. I hate when the liArs fight. BOO. And obviously Hanna pushes Caleb away to fall on her sword for him but then they smooch. #HalebForever.
Lindsay: Know who else isn’t happy? #BadCop. She tells Toby that no matter what his friends know or what they do to distance themselves (though it mostly involves themselves, digging deeper and deeper) with this whole MonA business, he is now a cop and he can in no circumstances lie under oath or change evidence, like, say Holbrook did? Things get complicated, Avril-style, for Tobes. He's pretty sure that MonA’s body is in the barrel, but he can’t tell Spencer. He also tells Spencer he can’t hang out with her, so I have a feeling that they’re going to break up soon. Toby drives away in his dumb gold truck, like James Dean speeding into the night.
Pretty Little Bin of Knick-Knacks:
- “Spencer, shouldn’t you be at school?” Thank you, Mrs. Detective Lady, for stating an obvious and overlooked fact that these kids are still in high school.
- Aria’s deflated balloon-face blouse is a lot, even for her. Maybe it represented how deflated she would be after Ezra dumped her.
- Caleb calls Hanna out on not being a forensic expert — but she did get into six colleges, C.
- Ashley wants to forget her night with Jason (why, Ash? I wouldn’t.) and even quits her DiLaurentis job over it. They hug goodbye. He kisses her. She’s like, K BAI.
- Talia, the new EZ-Brew chef, makes Ezra a pecan pie (even though I’m pretty sure pumpkin is his favorite) and Em is like, he’s not single btw. Talia thinks that means E-squared is a thing, which, HELLO she knows how old Em is? So Ezra’s pedo-ness must be wafting off him in waves. Em sets her straight and also reveals that she’s...not.
- Spencer finally learns from all the crap the liArs have been through and props the freaking door open behind her at the ice cream factory. Bravo! I knew one of you would get it eventually. Too bad she and Aria get locked in by A, anyway.
So have we finally seen the end of #Ezria, PLL fans? Will Toby get kicked off the force? Will he and Spencer part ways? Is Holbrook actually involved with Ali or A? What’s in the barrel? Will the liArs make it to college alive/without going to prison? Only time will tell. Leave your answers in the comments and we’ll see you in a week for more recapping!