Hey there, Pretty Little Liars fans! When last we saw our liArs, one was maybe breaking up over an ultimatum, one was facing an intervention, one was hitting the road, and one was romantically torn between a cop and a cowboy. As VH1 might ask, where are they now? To the recap!
Jess: OH HEY, Aria’s grinding up on an arty-looking boy in a leather jacket at a frat party! What a way to start the episode. Also, who wears a leather jacket to a frat party? Anyway, she’s up at Syracuse visiting her father for a prospective student week (read: getting the heck outta dodge and away from EzrA), and she’s boozing, making out (and more), and curing her hangovers with pancakes. I’m impressed at the accuracy depicting the college experience, PLL. #AriasNewGuy even plays the acoustic guitar. Regardless of his guitar-playing and questionable facial hair, I’m so down with Aria rebounding. Cleanse EzrA from your life, Montgomery. But then get back to Rosewood so we can see the #LiArsUnite, as they should. Which she does, but not before Rebound Riley gives her a hand-drawn IOU to beat up her ex. Cute.
Lindsay: They tried to make Spencer go to re-hab and she went, went, went. After a blistering three-day stint in the clink, Spencer’s parents have a vest-wearing guy named Dean Stavros (#GreekHottie) staying with them as her substance abuse counselor. Spencer is none to pleased, since she has to give over her computer, phone, telegraph, and all carrier pigeons. Oh, and her car. #GreekHottie is subjecting her to urine testing, so we know they're gonna hook up, since that’s real sexy and all.
Jess: I guess her day of in-home counseling and spontaneous flashbacks to That Night were pretty draining, because Spencer gets into bed looking ready to collapse. Unfortunately for her, A has filled her pristine bed with a mound of dirt. And a note! There’s always a note. This one says, “I know you dug her grave. Now I’m digging yours. - A.” Yikes on bikes. As if that weren’t scary enough, Mrs. D drops by to harass Mrs. Hastings about a bridal fashion show (plug for next week!). Pretty awkward, considering Mrs. D had an affair and love-child with Mr. H. Spence apologizes to her for last week’s drug-induced outburst, and Mrs. D gets more awkward, noting that “no mother should have to watch her child die.” Ostensibly it’s in reference to the bridal show charity, but Spencer clearly takes it as a reference to Ali. And so do I. What happened That Night, Mrs. D? Spill!
Lindsay: Mike and Mona are fighting in the hallway, and Fitz is eerily staring at them, just, you know, further down the hallway. Emily barges into Fitz’s classroom and lays him, verbally, out on the floor, saying that he helped her with all these things and what did he get out of it. She hands in her assignment, saying that she won’t be staying and to make sure “that a real teacher gets [it].” Do you need some ice for that burn, Fitz?
Jess: Insulting his teaching skills is the perfect way to dis EzrA. Go, Em. She’s not quite as confident later on, when Hanna fills her in on the anonymous note the cops received about Ali. Em’s face says she may have an inkling Paige left that note. I smell trouble in paradise (more than there already was). And there’s even more trouble in paradise for MonA and Mikey. MonA dumped Mike VIA TEXT because she is ice cold. Lil’ Mike is pretty upset about it (upset enough to compare himself to a wart), and he blames Aria.
Lindsay: Hanna has absolutely no poker face. When she sees #HotCop at the coffee shop, they chat, and he shows her the letter that Paige dropped in his car last week saying that Ali was alive. She denies (of course) responsibility, and he says he wouldn’t be doing his job if he didn’t ask. Right. But she quickly runs off, saying she has to meet her mother for dinner, even though it’s like 2pm. He calls her out on it, and she says it’s because it’s her turn to cook. Why are the PLL writers pretending these women cook?
#GreekHottie hands Spencer a glass of green juice and she thinks it’s gross. And me, too. Solid food for the win. They talk about the effects of withdrawal, and you can see Spencer trying to pretend like she hallucinated the A equivalent of The Godfather’s horse head in the bed. Nope, A really threw topsoil in your bed, Spence. She takes the phone while #GreekHottie isn’t looking and promptly gets busted. How the mighty have fallen, Spencer. #GreekHottie then makes her run laps (four miles, eesh), and Spencer has a flashback to murdering (maybe) Ali?
Jess: While Spencer has bloody flashbacks, Aria stops by EzrA’s for what I hoped would be Hurricane Aria the Sequel, but she doesn’t break anything except his heart this time around. She demands that he GTFO of Rosewood for good, because she doesn’t want to run into him on the one street that makes up the town (I’m paraphrasing). EzrA tries to talk it all out, and even hands over a copy of his manuscript (which looks pretty thin) and claims he returned his advance to Random House. She says it’s too late, and bounces without looking back. Stand strong, Aria! Leave his ass in the dust. After she reads the manuscript, though, she realizes what MonA’s also told Em: EzrA thinks he knows who A+ is (the A who stole the whole gAme from MonA once she was in Radley). And he thinks it’s Mrs. D! Spencer totally agrees and tells the girls about her flashback/hallucinations. The last thing we see before the A tag is Mrs. D lurking IN SPENCER’S BEDROOM like an effing creep. Seriously, I think this was the scariest thing to happen since Aria hid from EzrA in the woods.
Lindsay: Emily confronts Mona by stepping in front of a moving vehicle and asking a million questions about Ezra and their partnership. Mona tells Emily that she dated Mike to get closer to Aria (poor Mike), and to relieve herself of any legal problems with the stories that Ezra had about her in his book. She said she only did it for herself, not to get the girls in trouble. We’ll see about that, Mona.
- Aria’s new man is one part bad-ass, one part hot blond dude, and all parts yum. He is the perfect rebound. (Except Jess thinks he needs to shave his sparse facial hair and put on some shoes first.)
- “I hope nothing crazy happens between now and then.” Famous last words, Ms. Hanna Marin.
- On the relationship front, #HotCop tells Hanna he noticed the spark between her and #TravisTripp, and later #TT asks Hanna out on a date...which she adorably accepts, and then gets distracted from when the cops stop to questions Mrs. D. What’ll happen when Caleb comes back now that Ravenswood is cancelled?! #HannasDate
- Hanna has a hunch that the anonymous note came from Paige, after seeing a note from Paige in Em’s room. Smartypants! And she brings it up with Emily right away. Even smartypants-ier.
- Love that the liArs are at first so concerned and enraged that Aria even spoke to EzrA to let her finish her story about the manuscript. LiArs unite! Against horrible and manipulative ex-boyfriends.
That’s all for this week, faithful readers. Next week looks nice and juicy, with a whole lot of white lace to be worn and Billy Idol tunes to be played. And we’re just two episodes away from the finale! What do you think will go down? Is Mrs. D really A? Did Spencer really hit Ali with a shovel? Or was it just a light tap? Let us know in the comments, and we’ll see you in seven short days. Kisses, A.