Well, hiya, liArs! Last week, we got a glimpse at Ali’s kidnapper (except, you know, for the fact that she wasn’t actually kidnapped), Ella kicked her scummy fiance to the curb, and Ali kept lying. Par for the course, right? MonA is back and better than ever this week (but no Jenna), so let’s find out what is happening is Rosewood.
Jess: We get things kicking right away this week, with #BadCop filling in Ali’s dad re: Cyrus Petrillo’s confession. Ali tells the cops she doesn’t know if that’s the guy who fauxnapped her, and when she recounts this to the liArs the next morning, they’re pretty outraged that she didn’t just let the guy go free. Ali thinks Cyrus will lead the liArs straight to A once he thinks he’s really going to jail, but Aria thinks that A’s game is one they can’t win. The liArs are mainly on team Aria when it comes to this one, and no one more than Spencer, who finally wants to use Noel Kahn Convenient Packet O’ Insurance™. After Spence - in a rad plaid outfit - #1) looks into her fabulous red leather chair (her hiding spot) and sees that her recording of Ali’s kidnapping story is gone and 2) watches surveillance footage of Melissa handing something to some guy, she’s convinced the liArs need to go to #BadCop with their insurance and confess that they thought Ali was dead until Ravenswood. And that Aria killed Shauna in self-defense. Guess who’s not on board with that plan? Little Miss Aria Montgomery.
Lindsay: And speaking of Aria, she’s knee-deep in sad mom territory. Ella, Pity Party of One. Mrs. Aria’s Mom is still feeling low about her breakup with her teenage-grabby fiance, and she’s cancelling wedding plans left and right. Poor gal. Aria, with all of this Shauna stuff, is like, “hey, Ezra, can you not talk to Ali, ‘cause it would blow up everything we’re lying about.” So what does he do? Oh, he just decides to talk to Ali at the coffee shop, in front of everyone. She is none-the-pleased, mostly because she’s projecting her mom’s failed relationship onto her own.
Jess: In this week’s Hanna chronicles, Han decides she wants to be a normal teen and freak out about normal things like chorus solo auditions. I never freaked out about those (Lindsay did) but sure, whatever floats your boat, Han. She goes running with Caleb, blows off Spencer’s surveillance concerns, and gets thoroughly annoyed with MonA’s vocal fry at the chorus audition. Karma comes quickly, though, and MonA faints before she can sign, giving Hanna a chance to peep in her former BFF’s bag and spot a headshot of one Cyrus Petrillo. She follows MonA later that night, hopping in her car just as MonA’s about to do some hardcore techie intel. MonA doesn’t want Hanna around, but Hanna refuses to leave - she wants to know if MonA’s behind the Cyrus confession, which MonA swears she’s not. MonA taps #BadCop’s phone, and while they’re waiting, it’s true confession time: MonA tells Hanna she’s been terrified ever since Ali returned. Then the news comes over the wire - Cyrus Petrillo is NOT to be released.
Lindsay: Ali admits to Emily that she does actually know Cyrus Petrillo, aka Dave from Happy Endings — he was the one that gave Ali that gnarly scar on her thigh. He was her boyfriend or something, until he stole her crap and slashed her (which the placement of that slash is so improbable), running away with another of her friends in the process. Like, what? #BadCop takes Ali and her dad to the abandoned warehouse where Cyrus allegedly held her when he kidnapped her. Ali remembers it from her homeless time, but instead she squeals like piggy, IDing Cyrus and condemning him to a life in Rosewood hard time. But wait - the ID is made just a tad too late, so Cyrus walked free. And there’s more! Cy and Ali were in on the whole thing together. They meet in the woods and Ali pays him off, telling him to scram and start a new life. He drives away in a big SUV, never to return again (JK we’ll probably see him another time before the finale).
Jess: Emily continues to be Ali’s most loyal supporter this week, declining to let Spencer in on Ali’s scar secret and insisting that Ali will set Cyrus free (WRONG)- and don’t think Spencer hasn’t noticed how secretive and tight #Amily is acting. Em turns the tables and urges Spencer to confront Melissa (while Aria says her dead would explode if Melissa was working for MonA and A). When Spencer does finally ask some sisterly questions, Melissa maintains that everything she does, she does for Spencer’s protection: “I helped Mona because I wanted you to see that Ali hasn't changed. We both know Ali wasn’t kidnapped. But sooner or later she is gonna get what she deserves and I do not want you standing too close when that happens.” But then she won’t tell Spencer “what [she] did” and instead urges Spence to run away with her...to Thailand (or wherever). And later, when Em hears that Ali identified Cyrus, she flips out, calling Ali out for all the b.s. the liArs have gone through because of her disappearance, and cutting Ali out of her life. The liArs convene and try to convince Aria to get onboard the “let’s turn ourselves in to #BadCop” thing.
Pretty Little Postscript:
- “[Ali] is crazy, but she’s not stupid.” - EzrA
- “It’s just a smile, Spencer. Don’t sound so concerned.” - Hanna
- “The truth doesn’t amount to much when it comes from a bunch of liArs.” Preach, Aria.
- Emily lists the crap the liArs have endured at the hand of A/because of Ali’s run away act: Hanna broke her leg, Emily almost died in an elevator, Spencer checked into Radley. No mention of Aria being shoved in a box with #DeadGarrett on the Halloween train? No mention of Emily nearly being sawed in half (also in a box)? No mention of the creepy dollhouse and doll child? No mention of Emily and/or Aria murdering people? No mention of the time Emily got glass in her hair?!
Two more episodes left, liArs fans! Hopefully next week we’ll get to watch the full Melissa-Blair-Witch video that she started filming at the very end of this week’s episode. What truths does she need to spill and will she be killed before we can see her again (remember...half of the people who saw Ali the night she “died” are now dead)? Leave your theories in the comments below and we’ll see you in seven days!