'Pretty Little Liars' Season 4, Episode 18 Recap: Got It Bad, Got It Bad, Got It Bad

(ABC Family)

We’re back in action, Pretty Little Liars fans! And A is gettin’ while the gettin’s good. Join us as we recap Spencer’s descent into Jessie Spano land...err, I mean...this week’s episode.

Lindsay: Shauna, Shauna, Shauna. We open with Ali and Shauna talking to each other via pay phone, obviously because they have to be secretive but have never heard of calling cards or burner phones. Of course. Shauna is watching the liArs and Ali is quizzing her on their whereabouts. Eventually, Shauna is spotted and the girls speculate on whether or not they can trust her. The answer? Probably not. Spencer, it should be noted, looks increasingly Jessie Spano-levels of cracked out, which I’m really enjoying. She drinks a lot of water, which, is that something you do when you’re on amphetamines?

At least she’s still Spencer enough to compulsively hydrate! When #HotCop gives Hanna all of the Marin’s seized possessions back outside the police station, she unpacks a really cute pair of heels like they’re a glass of water and she’s in the middle of the Sahara. I mean, they are really cute and homie did just throw out half of her closet two weeks ago (which is like, 3 days in PLL time). But she’s so wrapped up in the shoes, she almost misses the five million clues and flirtatious glances #HotCop tosses her way. He riffs a little bit about how he’s hot (YEAH he is) on the Cece trail, and then sparks something in Hanna’s no-longer-Patterson-esque mind while blabbing on about routines and details being the key to solving a mystery. #HotCop, I’m sad to say you might be the first member (or honorary member) of Rosewood PD to realize this. Keep it up. It gives Hanna the boost to follow a hunch about Spencer’s erratic behavior (and also to call #HotCop by his first name, which really weirds Aria, who is involved in her own May-December relationship and has no room to judge, out).

Lindsay: Back to Spencer Spano. She keeps hinting to, I don’t know, everyone, that EzrA is A and no one is really biting. Meanwhile, she runs into another problem: she runs out of pills. She asks Andrew, and he comes up with bupkis, so she instead calls Brenda, whom we have never met but she seems to have the goods. Spencer gets her pills so she can go on A-hunting, thank the lord. When EzrA stops her in the hallway, homegirl is going to need those pills. He says something about her plagiarizing or being a bad student or whatever, and he asks to see her after school to review her work. She says she’ll take the bad grade because she doesn’t want to die. I would do the same.

Jess: I’m just disappointed he didn’t straight up offer her an “A” right there in the hallway. Missed opportunity. But he gets his creep on later, anyway, when he comes face-to-face with Jesse the Counselor as he’s stealing Spencer’s file at school. You see, EzrA spots Aria leaving Jesse’s office in a rush and his spidey sense starts a-tingling, so he oh-so-subtly gets in Jesse’s face to sniff out how much Aria told him. Seriously, EzrA? Like Aria would spill the beans now. When they’re up at the cabin for their (gag) romantic getaway, Aria gets cold feet about their whole freaking “thing” and tries to leave. She’s sick of having to lie to everyone just to be together. EzrA totally spins it like the sociopath emotional abuser he’s become (or maybe always was), telling Aria that her feeling of growing apart from her friends is just him and her growing closer. She falls for his pseudo-guilt-trip hook, line, and sinker and WE ARE SCREAMING AT THE TELEVISION.

When Aria runs out to get chickpeas (which were really in the cabinet the whole time), we were rooting for her to pull a Runaway Bride, but alas, we’re just treated to EzrA roaming around his secret basement in his dumb cargo shorts that show off his skinny calves. He turns on his A computer console (holding the can of chickpeas the whole time, like a security blanket) to stare at various pics of the liArs taken over the past few days. Who’s taking pictures for him around town? We’ve kind of always disliked EzrA, but I do have to wonder how honest the show is being here; how strange would it be if it turns out he’s an undercover cop investigating the liArs, instead of evil A? You never know with PLL.

Lindsay: Hanna and Emily decide to go on a #PLLstakeout to see what Spencer is really up to and why she’s lying to them, except it’s the middle of the day, in the sun, and they’re like, in Spencer’s driveway. They see Shauna coming out of Ali’s house and decide to drive away then, just as soon as everything was getting good. But, not to fear, because Shauna shows up at Emily’s house soon after. She admits to spying on the girls for Ali, and it turns out she’s been Ali’s eyes this whole time. Shauna does the whole shpiel about how Emily is the only one who trusts Ali, yadda yadda yadda. But she admits that Ali has a stash of cash (#AlisonsStash, for those of you playing at home) stuck behind a painting in her room. Emily goes to the DiLaurentis house under the guise of “omg I lost an earring” and picks up the cash. They chat on the phone, as Shauna gets ready for a swim meet, and Jess and I speculate whether or not Paige is going to drown her before she hits the pool (I mean, she’s done it before). But, we lose Shauna, and then we find her passed out in the seat of a car, waking up to Ali’s phone call and drugged by EzrA. EzrA left her a darling message, saying “Don’t come back to Rosewood,” and she listens, driving off into the sunset in the Mustang (or was it a Camaro?) she woke up in.

Jess: Meanwhile, even though Spencer looks almost as cracked out as she did during her time at Radley, her Spencey-brain is on a roll now that she doesn’t need to sleep, like, ever. She connects EzrA to the lAir in Ravenswood, and leaves a heartbreaking voicemail for Aria about this horrible, mysterious thing she needs to tell her. She’s so scared to be right, and she’s so scared to be wrong. She promptly deletes the message, but we heard it. We. Hear. You. Spencer. Hanna grows increasingly suspicious of Spencer all episode, and after #SpencerSnaps at her in the middle of Rosewood’s one street, Hanna stops by the Hastings house to do a little snooping. She sees all of Spence’s EzrA research and arrives at his Rosewood apartment building just in time to catch Spencer going in. She hilariously tells Spencer to password protect her computer better, like, girls, you should all be doing that forever and always because you are constantly being stalked. Plus, Caleb’s not around to clean up your techie messes anymore. HELL-O!

Anyway, Han and Spence break into EzrA’s place anyway, because Spencer wants proof and Hanna wants to prove she’s wrong. It’s all fine and dandy (they even find his doormat key because, duh) until Spencer notices a camera light in the hallway vent. Sure enough, EzrA’s watching them on a tablet in his car while also keeping tabs on a sleeping Aria via another camera at the cabin. The two liArs beat a hasty retreat and EzrA makes it back to the cabin in time to totally spook a now-awake Aria. Spencer and Hanna fill Em in on the EzrA situation, and they decide not to tell Aria (who they think is safe in Syracuse with her dad) until they’re 100% sure.

Pretty Little Postscript:
  • Those shoes that Hanna changes into with #HotCop are supa cute. Let’s get us some.
  • Why is EzrA so much hotter now that he’s evil? What the what is going on. Except for the skinny calves.
  • #HotCop is SAH CUE. Just like, so cute. And now that Caleb and #DojoHottie are gone, we need someone else to look at.
  • A Tag: A be-hoodied A watches an old movie and empties an envelope full of Dr. Wren Kingston’s prescription pads onto a desk. Wren’s back in play? Color us pleased (at the eye-and-accent candy).

Well, there we have it, liArs. Ali hops a bus to nowhere, with no money and never (probably not true) to return. How close is Spencer to having a Spano moment? Do you think Hanna slept in a pile of shoes after getting them all back? Will the writers invent a new Hastings sister just for Wren to date? Next week’s film noir Pretty Little Liars looks like just the kind of hot mess we love. We just hope it’s better than One Tree Hill’s speakeasy episode. Eesh. We’ll see you next week same place, same time, to watch Toby speak in his best James Cagney impression, see. Until then!