Now that Ali’s in prison for both MonA and Bethany’s murders, whatever will our little liArs stress over? College apps? Girlfriends in California? Sure, they’re doing that, but they’re also still, you know, being stalked by “everywhere and nowhere” A and trying to cover up any evidence that might break Ali free. So let’s recap this week’s episode, shall we?
Jess: “They’re next [to be locked up in here]. Unless A kills them first.” We start off with these ominous words from a very haggard, girl-from-The-Ring-looking Alison, when Toby runs into her at the Chester County Correctional Facility. She’s hell-bent on Spencer and the other liArs “lifting the embargo” (how topical, U..S/Cuba) and starting to answer her calls. She tries to appeal to Toby’s “remember when you were ‘unjustly’ locked up in juvi, too?” side and he’s all like, “yeah, remember who PUT ME in juvi, biatch?” It’s quite the tense conversation. Also, by the by, Ali was transferred to this facility because of some fist-fighting at the old one. She’s the “fresh meat,” see?
Lindsay: Toby is like, the worst cop ever. After his meeting with Alison, he goes right to Rosewood High School (who would let him in, by the way?) and tells the girls what he knows. Because he shouldn’t be telling his commanding officers any of this. Later during a cop-sanctioned search, Toby finds a knife from his family’s cabin (he knows because the handle is broken and his dad used to use it and blah blah blah) and leaves it there because he is the worst cop ever. He makes Barney Fife look competent. Anyway, back to this knife: Caleb went to get rid of the knife because he has already been arrested for suspicion of murder and — wait, what? Already? Turns out that a hacker case of his went rogue and someone ended up dead and it was all a misunderstanding and he’s free, yay. Anyway, Caleb’s prints are on that knife in the woods and he’s not down to get arrested again. I get it.
Jess: So Spencer goes the unsupportive girlfriend route and decides to go into the woods to help Caleb search for the knife. Meantime, Hanna takes it upon herself to ditch her boring college visit buddy and track down Holbrook, who’s supposedly on sabbatical to take care of his sick father. She ends up in the creepiest trailer enclave ever, and Holbrook Sr. says he hasn’t seen his son in months. He also mistakes Hanna for Ali (or another jailbird blonde?) and when she returns to her car, all she finds is her Ballard College teddy bear stuffed with bloody meat. Not-quite-fresh meat, get it? Totally a theme this week. Hanna then changes her entire outfit (because she got some teddy guts on her shoes) and pays Ali a visit in jail. She tells Ali to give up, Ali says she has given up (“if I were A, why would I put myself in here?”) and reveals she was waiting to meet Cyrus (they guy she blackmailed into turning himself in for kidnapping her last season) on Thanksgiving during those missing hours — when he didn’t show, she realized she’d been set up by A. Do we believe her? Hmm. Hanna cuts Ali down and says there’s no shred of her left that cares about the former Queen Bee, but when she turns around she looks just a tad unsure.
Lindsay: Jason DiLaurentis and Ashley Marin are buds now. Well, more like co-workers, but Ashley is looking to leave the DiLaurentis business. Jason is all “stay, so some weirdo isn’t asking about my family” and Ashley is like “umm, ew.” When Ali calls the DiLaurentis office, Ashley answers and Jason does the whole “I’m not home” routine, and you can’t help but feel badly for Ali. She’s really all alone. I know she may have murdered a slew of people, but I have a heart. Later, Jason drops some paperwork off at Ashley’s and they share a meal and bond and please oh-god-don’t-let-them-hook-up. But they do hook up, and Hanna sees Jason in the afterglow. Ashley gets her groove back, but I hope she can afford therapy for her daughter.
Jess: If Ali murdered people with the knife that Spencer and Caleb recover from the woods, holy crap I’m terrified of her. That thing is practically a machete! How did Toby’s dad use it to open a jar? Jeezus. Caleb’s too scared to throw the knife in the lake, so he and Spence take it to RHS to throw it in the ceramics class kiln. Too bad she wanders off into a hallway and he gets locked in the kiln room — #OhNoCaleb. Spencer arrives just in the nick of time and they assume the knife is still being baked to death but I’m betting on no it’s not. Toby and Spencer fight about the knife during the Fitz Bookshoppe grand opening, and it’s very clear to all involved (by which I mean, those two and every PLL fan watching) that there’s a big rift in their relationship now. A rift called “I’m a cop you can’t tell me illegal things anymore and I have to do the right thing.” #Spoby on the rocks, y’all!
Pretty Little Extras:
- “Seriously, how many schools did you get into?” Spencer is so jealous of Hanna’s college aptitude, and Aria is freaking out she didn’t get into any of her schools. Hanna’s a secret genius. Love it!
- Aria’s being kept out of Talmadge College because EzrA’s ex, Jackie, is an admissions officer there. So Aria writes a letter saying how much she regrets being involved with an older man during high school. Emily said it’s an awful idea, but check and mate, Aria.
- After Em guilts Aria into driving up to Talmadge and rescinding the letter, she tries, but Jackie is super understanding. She refers to hating EzrA now, too, because she misunderstood Aria’s letter to mean that he and Aria are done, too. Sounds like there was some mess between Jackie and EzrA that even Aria doesn’t know about — Jackie REALLY hates and regrets her time with “EZ” now. She accepts Aria at Talmadge. And I bet Aria’s gonna be askin’ some questions of her boyfie dearest…
- EzrA is freaking out over his bookshop grand opening, so Em pitches in to cater (because she needs cash to visit Paige) and it’s all a classic “I Love Lucy” mess after about 15 minutes in the kitchen. She’s soon replaced by a new lady in EzrA’s life, Talia. Em’s offended and her next step is to ask for a promotion. EzrA’s caught off-guard, blah blah. Em spirals about her lost relationship with Paige. Poor Em.
- There’s a new, ambiguously hipster, good-looking guy named Jonny on the scene. He works in EzrA’s bookstore and is renting out the Hastings’ barn. Neat.
- Best A gag ever? Making a laminated paper bookmark out of Aria’s “older guy” essay and oh-so-carefully placing it in a Kaplan-like college guide in EzrA’s bookstore/cafe.
And we close with a note to Ali in prison, delivered via her fresh laundry: “Your friends will see you soon.” DUNH DUNH DUNH. Next week, MonA is sending texts from beyond the grAve and Spencer and Caleb unite for more adventures. What could go wrong? Leave your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll see you then for the next episode of Pretty Little Liars.