Another episode, another bonkers week, Pretty Little Liars fans. As we get closer to the Season Four finale, what’s the current state of affairs in Rosewood? Onto the recap!
Lindsay: Stockholm Syndrome, Party of One: Aria, they’re calling your name. She’s still convinced that EzrA is not A, which, wouldn’t you be? I mean, I. Marlene King loves to build up and then fart out bad plot line endings on this show, but it’s been four seasons of nonsense, so, like, doesn’t he have to be A? EzrA admitted that he knew who Aria was before they met, he dated Alison, and OMG THEY LOOK SO YOUNG IN THIS FLASHBACK. Even if EzrA isn’t A, if your boyfriend did all those things and basically set you up to be in a relationship with him, you kick him to the curb, girl.
Anyway, back in Requiem for a Dream: Rosewood Edition, Spencer’s parents decide to ship her off to rehab in Philadelphia for her light Adderall addiction. She very easily convinces them not to, leading me to believe that they could be persuaded not to do, well, pretty much anything. You want your daughter to go to rehab, she probably should go, no?
Jess: Yeah, but Spencer outlawyers her lawyer parents like all the time, this rehab thing is just Exhibit Z. Later at school, guess who’s back (back again)? Not Slim Shady, though their haircuts are kind of similar...but it’s #TravisTripp, and he’s dressed all fancy-like, because he has to go to court due to some mess involving Wilden (RIP Officer Josh) blackmailing his dad. Hanna feels bad, since she dragged the #Tripp men into a whole thing in order to exonerate her mom, but she feels worse about the smooch she laid on #TT a few episodes ago (before she discovered the joy of smashing plates).
Also at school, Aria storms in to confront EzrA, only to find that he’s out due to a “family emergency” (lies, lies). She totally makes everyone suspicious by asking the sub for “Ezra” instead of “Mr. Fitz” and then she has a meltdown in the hallway with the liArs...and while it’s awesomely sad and also hard to look away from, it’s not even the most epic meltdown of the episode. Hot damn, pissed Aria is gold. Do we believe EzrA’s story about his “true crime” book? I’m not sure, but I AM interested in his theory that one of our little liArs killed Ali. Add that to Spencer’s pill induced haze of years past and we have some lost liAr time to account for, ASAP.
Lindsay: Spencer goes to Toby’s, offering cronuts, and I guess she came to New York to stand in line for three hours at five AM for them, since that’s the only way you get them. She was on speed for a while, so I guess she had the time. She mea culpas to Toby about ruining their evening the night before, and he seems to accept (I would also accept whatever she said if she came to my door with cronuts).
Aria goes to EzrA’s apArtment, and it is there that she does not find EzrA but instead boxes of journals and photos of her that she doesn’t know were taken. Um, creeptastic. EzrA knows a lot about her, like, um, all of the details of Ali’s murder case, and Jason being a suspect, and that Aria’s dad is a big fat cheater. So what does she do? She pulls a Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez and starts destroying his apartment (as I would, also). Bust them windows, girl. Aria SMASH. Get it.
Jess: Hanna blurs some lines by consulting #HotCop about #TravisTripp’s dad, and now I think she’s accidentally in a love triangle? Go for the age appropriate one, Han. His ears stick out in the cutest way. Of course she doesn’t listen to me and oops-kisses #HotCop. He stops it, proving that maybe he’s still the one legit police officer in Rosewood. Em’s also going through some love life drama, since Paige follows her on a whim and finds her putting Ali’s money in a P.O. box per Shauna’s directions (she’s still calling the shots from Georgia).
The girls fight, and Em ends up spilling: Ali’s alive. So basically half the town knows now, right? Might be time to let, I don’t know, the DiLaurentis family in on the secret. They’d probably appreciate it (and I want Jason back on the scene/screen!). Paige is concerned for Em’s safety and could give a flying f*ck what Ali wants. They fight some more and Em lays it on the line: she’ll never forgive Paige if she outs Ali and hands her over to A. Paige asks Em to stay away from Ali from now on, and she says it’s because she loves Em, but something seems...off...to me (or I’m just suspicious of EVERYONE now). In the end, Paige drops an anonymous note with the cops to tell them that Ali is alive, for sho’.
Lindsay: Back to Aria’s world. Aria is still snooping around any piece of property that EzrA owns, and she finds a letter for Ezra from his literary agency that Random House (in actuality, HarperCollins publishes the Pretty Little Liars series, so that’s a miss for you, writers) is gushing about his latest installment of his novel and wanting to talk about publishing. Aria calls his agent’s phone, pretending to be a coworker who wants to throw EzrA a publication date party. The secretary tells Aria that EzrA is actually in New York discussing it right now. Welp, I guess we found him. Aria storms to the Principal of Rosewood High’s house to tell on EzrA or something, not realizing the profound impact it would have on, um, everyone she knows. EzrA will get locked up, Aria, not just fired. Luckily, Hanna Banana, wearing a lot of pink, talks her out of it. Aria yells and screams and alienates her friend that’s trying to help her, then drives off, so that’s cool. Aria packs a bag of striped clothing (obviously) and Emily catches her trying to leave Rosewood. So Aria yells at that friend, too, and bails out. Sometimes you just need a pal, Aria, don’t you know that?
Jess: So many of the liArs are going apeshit tonight, guys! Spencer snags some of EzrA’s “research” while collecting broken down Aria, and after popping a pill to get through it all, finds a business card for a private investigator with a note on the back that says, “PI hired to follow Spencer?” and a sheet of notes detailing how Cece and Mrs. D both witnessed Spencer and Ali fighting That Night but never said anything about it because Mr. Hastings paid them off. OH SNAP. After a shaky flashback of herself holding a shovel and screaming at Ali, Spencer confronts her father, asking if the PI he hired was really to follow Melissa...or her. He doesn’t give her an answer, she cries, and Toby shows up to take Spencer for a walk. He promptly loses her but SHE IS RIGHT NEXT DOOR, yelling at Mrs. D, demanding to know whether or not she saw Spencer hurt Ali, and if so, why didn’t she just tell the po-po? Great question, Spence; even when you’re crazy, you’re the smartest gal I know. I don’t know why your family and Toby couldn’t find you when you can see the DiLaurentis home from your kitchen. Too bad she comes home to another intervention, and all she can do is crumple on the floor and cry some more.
- Aria pukes after flashbacking to when she and EzrA first met...and that was my reaction, too. Great minds!
- Even though Aria is on the warpath and wearing no makeup, those eyebrows are still fierce as hell.
- ABC Family, stop trying to make “fetch” happen: #Paily is not a thing.
Did Spencer really hurt Ali? What does Mrs. DiLaurentis know to make her stay so mum? Next week looks super duper intense (and seems to have some bloodshed). There are only three weeks left until the finale (#AliTellsAll), so buckle up, liArs: It’s bound to be a bumpy ride.