(Fox)In tonight's "Trio," an episode featuring no fewer than seven songs...not much else happened! No really. This one smells like Teen Filler, folks.
What now? Emma's back! She and Will waste class time getting it on in a broom closet and promptly get caught by Becky. And we all learn far too much about "successful emissions" as we discover the Schu-Pillsburys are trying to get poppin' fresh. Er, pregnant. But they're not having much luck turning their duo into a trio...until Schu decides to just "Let it go!" all Adele Dazeem-style after some crude but wise advice from Coach Beiste. Emma reveals she won't be traveling to Nationals in LA because the bun is in the oven! Awww. I hope the baby has Will's butt-chin.
Song-and-dance numbers: Matt Morrison mostly solos (with a brief final chorus join-in by Jayma Mays) on Anne Murray's "Danny's Song" as a montage of disappointed domesticity and empty plus sign preggers test windows scroll by.
Yeah, but how offensive is it? We briefly hear about a terrible sex fantasy involving Sue and Michael Bolton, but it all has as much edge as you'd expect a storyline featuring an Anne Murray song would. (It's almost counterbalanced by Schu channeling a McConnaughey-esque "Alright, Alright, Alright!" before the final number, but not quite. All this Oscars synergy makes me think Fox's angling to host the show next year.)
What now? Tina, Blaine and Sam are just realizing they're actually, finally, seniors this year. Cue premature nostalgiacakes and lots of tears (from Tina, natch) as they try on graduation gowns and vow to stay in touch weekly via the interwebs. (Don't worry kids, you'll be muting each other's Facebook feeds full of quizzes in mere minutes!) Vowing to make the year epic, they rally when the senior lock-in is canceled and sneak into school their own private party. They wear costumes, play with props, and you might expect it to end in some real threeway action, but Tina and Sam sneak off to make out on their own much to Blaine's strongly-protested disgust. But they don't want to be a couple, they want to be a trio with pouty Blaine. They don't get as far as suggesting a make-up orgy here either, because Blaine's a total brat, but then he has a change of heart and apologizes and they all make up...just in time to set up the fact that the show's moving to NY because when they graduate there'll be like "three kids left in Glee club." Heh.
Song-and-dance numbers: Tina, Blaine, and Sam go "Threeyonce" on "Jumpin' Jumpin'" by Destiny's Child in the choir room and tackle "(Don't You) Forget About Me" by Simple Minds at their lock-in (which is far from Pitch Perfect's Aca-awesome medley treatment). They wrap things up with a McKinley auditorium rendition of Wilson Phillips' "Hold On," and somehow, through the magic of television telekinesis, the NY crew is ALSO harmonizing on this early '90s gem! From three separate locations! Ah, the power of music.
Yeah, but how offensive is it? Becky. Sigh. I'm surprised she's not drawn in animation style these days given how much of a shrieking, angry, farcical charicature they've turned her into. There's also a dumb running joke about Tina's boobs, but it's barely worth our mention.
Rachelliott is ON! (Until it's OFF!)
What now? Rachel has fallen upon the mercy of Elliott, and he's catering to her diva-ish demands... for now. Mad at Kurt and Santana, who's inexplicably trying on weaves, she sends Elliott to pick up her sheet music. Santana rants about how evil she is and tries to steal Rachel's new BFF from her, since that's all she seems to do these days. He's not here for this childishness, so he quits the band until they shape up. Then Kurt kicks the two of them out of the band too, so he can get Elliott back and rouse Demi Lovato (now with blue hair!) from cold storage (Did you even remember she was on this show? I didn't!) to form a new band called...wait for it... One Three Hill. But actual bonding maybe sorta happens, when Pezberry reluctantly discuss how they have no other girlfriends and admit they might be more alike than they realized. It's a growing moment....but then it's over.
Song-and-dance numbers: Adam Lambert kinda slays on Heart's "Barracuda" and Rachel brings her Broadway belt to it. At the diner, Rachel and Santana duel on Laura Brannigan's "Gloria" with an assist by Elliott (who doesn't even work there...) One Three Hill performs the Supremes' "The Happening"...but sounding more like The Andrews Sisters. Yeah, I don't buy that club audience would even politely applaud that performance. Nope.
Yeah, but how offensive is it? Like everything else in this episode, flimsy and tired, but not offensive.
Next week, it's time for Nationals! There are Fauxhuahuas! Skyler Astin brings his Aca-perfect game to Glee! Are you psyched or what? Tell us all about it in the comments, kids.