'Pretty Little Liars' 5.23 Recap: 12 Angry LiArs

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.23 Recap: 12 Angry LiArs
(ABC Family)

We’re just two more episode away from Pretty Little Liars’ A reveal! Last week, Hanna was put in the slammer to be with her BFF Ali, and now we’re dealing with the fallout. Can we get the girls out of jail before Ali’s trial? What will Ali’s trial bring for the liArs? Let’s find out.

Lindsay: The girls (Hanna and Ali) are in jail, and damn, are they looking rough. The girls on Orange Is the New Black look better than this, and they’ve been in jail for a lot longer. Both girls are parented up, because now their ‘rents actually care about their offspring. Lots of parents in this episode. Both Ali’s dad and Hanna’s mom are all, “we must get out kids out of jail!” This is rich, because they should have parented their kids enough to not let them fall into jail in the first place. Speaking of parents, Mrs. Hastings bars Spencer from attending Ali’s trial, and she also tells the other girls not to go. Which, LOL. Like they’re not going to go.

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.23 Recap: 12 Angry LiArsJess: Obvs. A fact Ali makes sure of by calling Emily from the clink and asking that she’ll be there. She also asks about the rain in Rosewood, which is very “Holly Golightly delivers the weather report to Sing Sing” if we’re continuing with the Breakfast at Tiffany’s theme (which we are, since the girls are still trying to figure out who Varjack is and Spencer texts the phone number from the pizza receipt — which is the same number from Ali’s recent personal ad correspondence* with A — and signs the text “Holly.”). Anyway, here’s the attendance report from the first day of the trial: Aria, Emily, Ashley Marin, Mr. DiLaurentis, Jason, the weirdo twins from Ali’s “new clique,” and...no Spencer.

Lindsay: At Ali’s trial, the prosecuting attorney says that Ali’s whole kidnapping ruse is made up, and that the liArs helped perpetuate the lie, and Aria is immediately panicked. It seems that Aria has never seen a trial or a lawyer before, because, if she did, she would know that lawyers will say anything to get their clients off. Later, Ali talks to Hanna in the laundry room of the prison (no woodshop like in Orange Is the New Black, just a laundry) that someone started communicating with her via personal ads after her mom’s death. The text? The book Goodnight, Moon. Such a recognizable text that even Hanna knew what it was, and it’s a book!

Jess: Spencer thinks that the prosecution must be talking to Cyrus, and as the liArs discuss theories, Aria’s phone gets a call from the Varjack number — which is odd, because she never called from her phone — and when they pick up, a French song plays over and over. The girls play it to Hanna over the phone, and she recognizes it from MonA, who used to like Edith Piaf, etc. Somehow Aria doesn’t know who Edith Piaf is, which is so unrealistic because she totally would (because EzrA would). Em and Aria pay a visit to MonA’s house to search the room for more clues, while Caleb confides in Spencer that Hanna told him to get out while he still could. They have a really sweet moment when Spencer tells him that he’s the best boyfriend ever (we agree). Later, Jason pays Spencer a visit, too, and lays some serious guilt on her for when he listened to her re: Ali. She gets teary and tells him that someone is using her love for certainties against her, but he’s unreceptive, even when she says she doesn’t think Ali killed anyone. Turns out he’s being called to the stand tomorrow. The silver lining? Jason just keeps getting better and better looking. (Lindsay note: YES.)

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.23 Recap: 12 Angry LiArsLindsay: Jason gets on the stand at the trial, and he completely changes the story that he told Detective Tanner. The prosecutor, obviously, is not pleased, and brings a line of questioning about Hanna and Hanna’s mother, Ashley, the one that he TOTALLY BANGED OMGZ. #awkward. The prosecutor wants to know how many times he’s hung out with Ashley socially, and I’m pretty sure he means “biblically” instead. Anyway, Jason totally backtracks and tries to save his sister and Hanna, which is nice of him, but it lands him on his father’s you-know-what list. Later, #PastorTed and Ashley deal with the same of Ashley having had — gasp — a relationship with another person. Ashley says, alas! Leave her! And #PastorTed’s like, nah, I love you, let’s do this. Which is nice.

'Pretty Little Liars' 5.23 Recap: 12 Angry LiArsJess: The liArs heAd bAck to MonA’s (because no one was home when they went before — although someone was watching them from the window) and hear French music (aka #MonasMusic) coming from inside the house. They find MonA’s room a total wreck and a note from A about “finder’s keeper’s.” Aria has a moment of clarity and points out that just because A says he/she/it found something, doesn’t mean it’s true.

So they keep looking and pry open MonA’s handheld mirror and find a typed note: “Chandelier’s rituals./ Sister launched lair./ A ruler’s list chained.” Of course, there’s an ice pick thing(?) on the floor inside MonA’s living room (later we see it’s labeled “Boo Boo’s Ice Cream,” a la that ice cream factory from earlier this season) and Andrew is creepily watching the Vanderwaal house from outside. Le sigh. Earlier, he and Aria were all flirty, but he said some weirdly disturbing things about being kind of glad viciously competitive MonA didn’t make it to college. I doubt he’s guilty of anything, but leave it to this show to wait approximately one episode after a liAr kisses a guy to make him look sketchy. He chats with Aria later at the EZ Bookshoppe, apologizes for his MonA comments, and kisses Aria on the cheek. Hmm…

And at the end of the episode, Ali urges Jason to get outta town, because “lying is a one way street” and even though she didn’t kill anyone, she “let a lot of things happen she shouldn’t have.” Oh, and we find out that Tippi the parrot is still alive and singing that dumb phone number! Who knew A was a friend to animals? Also, Tippi’s new cage lining includes Varjack’s shredded social security card. Ruh-roh.

Pretty Little Pieces:
  • “Do you have a burner phone?” “What color?” Oh, Caleb, we love your streetrat hacker origins. A Facebook-era Aladdin.
  • Andrew looks older and older every time we see him, and the fact that he just played an adult on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (which you should 100% watch, btw) makes it even harder to believe that he’s teenaged.
  • All the parents are in full grizzly bear mode this week: Ali’s dad yells at all the liArs and is shaking the whole time; Ashley doesn’t care about the truth, she just cares about getting Hanna out of jail; Veronica keeps Spencer away from the trial and tells her (rather than asking) that she doesn’t know anything about Ali’s fake kidnapping; and the Montgomery and Fields parents are...nowhere to be found. Hmm, okay, I guess we couldn’t be at 100% parental activity.
  • Of course, MonA has a note hidden in her hand mirror… but this begs another question: who has a hand mirror?
  • Aria is hella funny this episode. “Want to give up and go shopping?” “It’s my face...sometimes it does things without checking with me first.” We love EzrA-less Aria!
  • Remember that secret-keeper thing that Jonny made in Ezra’s cafe? Emily listened to it and it was playing that French song again, but she was too dumb to keep listening for another confession! Come on, Emily!

*Not to be confused with her once-upon-a-time personal ad correspondence with someone the summer before she died. Why are all these kids using personal ads??? It is 2015.

We’re really loving the drama PLL keeps serving up as we count down to the #BigAReveal — do you, PLL fans? Leave your thoughts in the comments and we’ll see you back here next week for Ali’s trial: part deux.