UPSTATE NEW YORK...12/20/07 2:00 pm EST... Giving a press conference from the bedroom of his new home, the Happy Trails Home for the Aging, former Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve, Alan Greenspan, was asked if his arrogance, or perhaps stupidity, had caused the dot com and/or current housing crises. Remarked Greenspan, “My roommate and me . . . we eat paste.” Asked then . . .Read the rest at pressmess.blogspot.com Read Full Story

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA…12/19/07 2:15pm EST…At a news conference today, which was given at her luxury, high-rise offices, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D CA) announced “I don’t care if hundreds of thousands of innocent people died in Bush’s illegal war . . . I just want $40 billion for my special interests.” Ask then if she is suggesting Bush’s desperation for war funds is a valid method of . . .Read the rest at pressmess.blogspot.com Read Full Story

NORTH LIBERTY, IOWA...12/18/07 7:30pm EST...Heckled by pro-environment, pro-health care, pro-campaign finance reform, pro-labor standard and anti-government corruption groups today, Presidential candidate and Senator Hillary Clinton (? NY) laughed and stated "Yeah, well, when you're not all a bunch of broke-ass losers come back and talk to me." Getting a strong reaction from the crowd, former Read Full Story

GAZA STRIP…12/18/07 6:15pm EST…Speaking to reporters while being shuffled from one armored car to another, former British Prime Minister, and current “Mid-East Peace Envoy,” Tony Blair, bristled with anger as he stated “I hate this job . . . I was told I’d only have to do it a couple months . . . and then I’d be made partner in an investment banking firm in Switzerland . . . so why am I still Read Full Story

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS...12/17/07 11:00am EST...Speaking to reporters at a news conference she organized, Teresa Heinz-Kerry, the former wife of former Senator H. John Heinz (R PA) and current wife of current Senator John Kerry (D MA), announced today that she's endorsing the Republican Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney. Stated Heinz-Kerry, "Mitt Romney is a man of the future, of power, of charisma, and of etched . . . muscle." Quizzed about her endorsement of a Republican c... Read Full Story

KOCKRING, IDAHO...12/17/07 7:00am EST... Responding to newly surfaced reports proving his involvement in the forming Bush/Cheney Wiretapping Scandal, Senator Larry Craig (R ID) stated, "I have long been a champion of family values, straight-marriage, guns and patriotism, so I will not comment on my involvement." Asked by a reporter to explain why the reports indicate that he personally surveiled, from his Senate office up to twenty hours per day, the phone number 877-BIG-DICK, which... Read Full Story

NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT...12/16/07 6:45pm EST...At a town hall meeting today, which was organized by his constituents on the front lawn of his home, Senator Joseph Lieberman (? CT) was asked to specifically state where his loyalties lie. Lieberman responded, "My loyalties lie with my party, my people and my country." Asked then to clarify which "party, people and country" he was referring to, Lieberman paused and then stated, "I am deeply offended by that vicious, hate... Read Full Story

SUGER LAND, TEXAS...12/16/07 12:00pm EST...Earlier today, Former House Whip Tom Delay, who is best known for being the partisan force behind the Clinton impeachment, for jerrymandering Texas, and for being shamed out of office in the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal, gave a rare interview. Speaking to onlookers while he collected refuse from along a roadside, Delay nervously stated that he was "using the next couple hours to pay off his debt to society." With bystanders then calling... Read Full Story

TEL AVIV, ISRAEL...12/14/07 10:00pm EST...Militant alarmist and Likud mouthpiece Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu apologized today just hours after slapping Condoleeza Rice in the face for "disagreeing" with him. Quizzed about the "disagreement," Bibi stated, "Condoleeza said her upbringing in the U.S. south gives her sympathy for the terrorists . . . so [she's] a terrorist too." Asked how he planned to address this latest threat, Bibi stated, "As a p... Read Full Story

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK...12/15/07 1:45am EST...Delivering an unannounced speech this morning through a bullhorn on the streets of New York City, part-time reverend and full-time racial-tension expert, Al Sharpton, announced "If Hillary's seat is vacated, then I want it." He then stated, "I want to be your Senator . . . me, Al Sharpton: S, H, A, R, P, T, O, N." Sharpton then said, "Seriously, I'll give you anything, just vote for me . . . me, Al Sharpton: S, H, A, ... Read Full Story