
By
Seanbaby
When a Chinese girl with 72-inch thighs is driving her foot into an electric junglebeast, you might not take the time to notice all the wonderful people around them. They're there every day to cheer on the fight or stand near it and sell hot dogs. This is a closer look at some of the greatest Street Fighter background actors of all time, along with a scientific breakdown of how cool they are amid this danger. Previously unknowable, this numerical value of nonchalance was made possible by the
Nonchalance Alpha X Rating.
Explanation of the Nonchalance Alpha X Rating:
This measures, on a scale of one to ten, how well they're dealing with being so close to dangerous, unsanctioned supercombat. Someone in a state of panic because he or she might get hit by a stray spout of flame would get a 1 here, whereas an NCAX Rating of 10 indicates complete and total indifference. To avoid confusion, the numbers between 1 and 10 will remain 2,3,4,5,6,8, and 9. The number 7, however, is not recognized by the NC Alpha X Rating Board for personal reasons.
Girl on a Bike
Hometown: China - Chun Li Stage
NC Alpha X Rating: 8

While you're fighting in a match, this girl slowly pedals between your battle and a man butchering chickens. Now anyone who's ridden a bike through the rain knows that riding without a mudguard is a sure way to paint a thick streak of puddle water up the back of your shirt. In this exact location, though, the puddles are made out of half chicken blood and half karate blood. By the time she gets to where she's going, she's going to look like a discarded band-aid and smell like death. And in a cruel practical joke by the universe, the laundromat is four feet behind her. Which sets my mind at ease, because the three things I know about China culture -- bikes, chicken, laundry -- are the three exact things that Street Fighter background artists know about China culture.
Bodyguard Sgt. Mike Hardcastle United States Marines, retired.
Hometown: USA - Ken Stage
NC Alpha X Rating: 3

When Ken, handsome badboy of Shotokan, battles at the yacht club, all of society's elite loves to watch. But Mike, former United States Marine, has been hired to keep these rich assholes safe during their little yacht party. They already ignored his safety briefings about everyone getting on one side of the boat and jumping up and down. And looking out at the action on the dock, Mike's not quite sure if these two karate gentlemen are throwing god damn balls of pure chi energy at one another, but his training tells him you shouldn't be boating near something like that without a life jacket on. You add in the fact that Mike's also going through a messy divorce and getting his kitchen redone, and you'll see why he spends the entire fight shifting awkwardly between two frames of animation.
Jet Fighter Repairman
Hometown: USA - Charlie Stage
NC Alpha X Rating: 8

I can't imagine that it's easy to perform jet plane maintenance near a sonic-tornado kick collision, but this guy does it. Not very well, though. He peeks down from his work every few seconds to see how the fight is going. Or maybe it's to tell them, "Boys, go easy with that magical electric whatnot-- these birds are carrying live munitions. Do you even have authorization to be in this hangar? Ah, hell-- you seem alright. Just try not to knock any teeth into my crotch while I'm calibrating these sensitive instruments."
Potato Salesman
Hometown: Hong Kong - Dan Stage
NC Alpha X Rating: 1

This guy was in no way prepared to deal with street fighting near his vegetable stand. He spends the entire fight insanely shifting a basket of potatoes from the left to his right. It's like his brain is caught in an infinite loop of indecision, and he can't decide whether to hide behind the potatoes or sacrifice himself to protect them. The classic vegetable salesman's struggle.
Guy on a Bucket
Hometown: Brazil - Blanka Stage
NC Alpha X Rating: 10

This man is sitting on a bucket on the edge of a rickety dock over water that is almost certainly filled with flesh-eating fish. To continue doing this when a sumo wrestler starts stomping around in front of you is already cool, but look in the tree behind him. A forty foot -smiling- snake is close enough to swallow him. If he literally moves a fraction of an inch in any direction, he's dead. And he doesn't care at all. If that was any normal person, that bucket would have turned into a toilet several dangers ago.