Jay Leno’s comedy is a Dane Cook-worthy abomination. Case in point: a recent monologue… Set up: Did you hear this one? It seems a recent study says marijuana can be effective in treating hemorrhoids. Punchline: Talk about a doubie up your booty. ‘Doubie’ is a term that has been out of popular use since about 1971. Somebody pull the plug on this hack already. Read Full Story

We’ve previously covered Cocaine Songs, Drinking and Driving Songs and Songs about Bars so we thought we’d class it up a notch by focusing on something  just as near and dear to our hearts—writing. The Guardian invited readers to suggest their favorite songs about putting pen to paper,and their list was massive. We decided to tighten the focus a bit, by focusing on the writers themselves. Pop songs are pretty basic. They are mostly in 4/4, seldom change keys and when they do... Read Full Story

Last year at this time, after analyzing President Barack Obama’s profile as a consumer of alcoholic beverages, we wrote: “In the spirit of fresh starts and fresh pints, we raise a glass to the president and hope that there’s more cause for celebratory drinking – as opposed to the misery-drowning drinking of recent times – over the next four years.” We’re not here to dissect Obama’s political performance over the past year. As internet trolls have made it clear to us in our online pursuits, th... Read Full Story

We have the utmost respect for royalty. Without the Queen’s portrait on our currency, the results of a coin toss would be that much more difficult to determine and would likely involve woodland creatures (one would hope that if the Queen’s visage was replaced on the side that shows up 50% of the time, it would be with something that hangs in your lower-brow sports bar—a moose head). Speaking of bars, when you sidle up to one you most often unfurl a Queen and, if you’re... Read Full Story

When it comes to festive occasions on the calendar, Halloween holds a place in the hearts of many right behind Christmas – which for sheer volume of swag just can’t be beat – and ahead of Easter, which, in terms of sugared treats is a poor man’s Halloween. Today is the day when kids don cheap plastic masks* fastened on by a rubber band sure to snap and confirm to its youthful wearer that he or she does indeed have a big head. (*click here for a Shark Guys’ exclusive on costumes being put to... Read Full Story

Along with remaking old movies and awful television shows, as well as adapting every written work apart from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, Hollywood also keeps from having to come up with its own ideas by turning comic books into hugely successful films (provided Ben Affleck is in no way  involved). The popularity of superheroes [click here for Captain America, the groping version] speaks in part to the appeal of assuming a completely different identity. (And of wearing a get-up that would be... Read Full Story

Gladstone Hotel Karaoke Night, Toronto “You haven’t lived until you have seen a Japanese salaryman sing the Frank Sinatra ballad “My Way”. It is one of those quintessential said sights that seem to define Japan. What an odd and yet common spectacle: a tousled salaryman, living a life of bows and stifling conformity, a man married to the company, a man who—in the thousands every year—works himself to death for the sake of the corporation, a man who has to ea... Read Full Story

Recently, Twitter heralded its 5 billionth tweet — an achievement a pet store would need a lot of discount budgies to match. We thought we’d mark the occasion by reminding everyone who tweets sweetly or otherwise that we have contributed 0.000000023% of our share to this figure. [click here for our Twitter page] Up until this point, we’ve yet to really make the most of Twitter, and have yet to tap into the demographic that comprises, according to reports, ‘a median age... Read Full Story

Sporting Lycra and wearing a number is most commonly associated with the bikini portion of the more lecher-pleasing beauty pageants, but an event that is far less sexy and less likely to result in someone weeping for 20 years into a bowl of cake mix after being named Miss Congeniality is a marathon. Recently, traffic ground to a halt while Toronto recreated the scene of thousands of Japanese fleeing Godzilla with the city’s annual marathon. Most of the time a marathon has positive connotation... Read Full Story

When is a situation not a situation even when it’s reported on from the Situation Room? When it involves some sad-ass family looking to become reality television stars. It seemed too good a story to be true: a young boy trapped in a camera-friendly balloon zipping across the skies like some modern-day Phileas Fogg and with the perfect name of Falcon (one wonders if the family had this child specifically for this purpose) to boot.  And it was. The boy’s family, the Heenes, were ap... Read Full Story