We're Back! I think! For those of you who have been coming back of the month of August hoping to see some kind of change for the last month and finding none, my apologies. I hope you took a chance and visited out archives and found some of the treasures buried in the 600 or so posts there. Since this is mostly a comedy blog I won't go into the details, but I could skip living through this last few months again. Deaths in the family, personal crises, illness, pain, all this kinds of things... Read Full Story

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs... Read Full Story

The Girl at the beach A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the Beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at The beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor Was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; She would approach people who were sitting on the Beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she Would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod And there would be a quick exchange of... Read Full Story

Things learned from real children - mostly boys: 1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough... Read Full Story

I don't know about your household, but we got our George Bush Vote for The Republicans Stimulus Bribe Check last week. Oops, did I call it a bribe? Certainly not. A bribe would have to have a chance of working and who in their right mind would think that the paltry sums contained in the, as comedian Chevy Chase would have put it, economic stimulus (bribes) checks would be near enough to pay for the vast damage done to our economy my W. I wouldn't even try to put a price tag on the lives lost... Read Full Story

Point-Counter-Point: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road Welcome to Point-Counter-Point we have a huge and varied panel today and so I want to get right to our topic today and ask a question many Americans are asking: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! And by crossing the road he got the CHANGE that every American wants and will get by voting for me in November! JOHN MCCAIN: My... Read Full Story

Everyone complains that today's kids aren't on the ball as much as yesterdays kids. Yet, here's some evidence that maybe they are smarter than some people think. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me... Read Full Story

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who... Read Full Story

And now it's time for some nursery rhymes dressed up for today. These were forwarded by my friend TB and made SFW by me. I have also added a few. In some cases you can guess where I made the poem SFW, its pretty obvious. Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little ..... pig. ******************** Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread... Read Full Story

Recently on his program Dr. Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before the morning was over I had finished off: a bottle of White Zinfandel,  a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream,  a package of Oreos,  the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake,  some Doritos,  and an entire box of chocolates... Read Full Story