I was gone from Opera so long and nobody noticed. Read Full Story

OK, so I started physical therapy because my I had a backache for something like two years and I was getting damned grouchy about it. I was even grouchier when the doctor told me it was from "normal wear and tear." NORMAL? Is he kidding me? Normal to scream in agony when you sit and normal to scream in agony again when you stand up? If it was normal, wouldn't everyone be doing it?So, I started physical therapy and amazingly, my back feels better. I love going to the heated salt-... Read Full Story

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The big question on everyone's mind is, when will property values appreciate, again? You are not the only person asking that question. Real Estate professionals all across the country are wondering the same thing because the real truth is, no one really knows. No one can predict the end of the crisis. America and Americans need to change their perspective on real estate to bring about a real end to the real estate crisis. Think about this: Real estate today is as worthless as the dollar.T... Read Full Story

Upon walking into the corridor and seeing students lined up on both sides...Me: This looks like a Soul Train line.Student: It is.Me: Then why isn't anyone singing or clapping hands to the beat?Student: (singing and clapping) The Looooovvvvveeee Boat, soon will be making another run... Read Full Story

Me: My car is making a funny noise. Repairman: Then, turn the raido off.Me: Oh, you're one of those funny car repairmen.Rep: No, not really.Me: I was making a jokeRep: Wasn't very funny.Me: Give me my keys. I am going to get this fixed somehwere else, you Stupid, no-sense-of-humor-having, butt-crack-showing, dirty-too-small-blue jeans-wearing, front-teeth-missing, jazz-music-hating asshole. Read Full Story

A son-o-mine has recently quit smoking and is using a nicotine patch to counter the cravings for a smelly, smoldering weed. This guy also protects his country by finding and disabling alien invaders. (No. Really!) Additionally, on his alien invader adventures, he frequently is beset with acute mal-de-mer and the military treats his problem with Dramamine patches. He is up to two at a time, now.What does sissy cigarette patches and sissy Dramamine patches have in common.With all the patche... Read Full Story

Just so everyone knows, it is not just family who got upset by things I said, but friends, too. OPERA friends, to be precise.So, henceforth, I am going to write what I think and feel because there is no way to keep everyone happy, and I am not going to try... even at the possibility of loosing fans.I have become positively BORING in my blog.I have a blogger blog and one of the ladies who regularly comments there said, "If someone gets mad at me because I poked fun at them, then I poke e... Read Full Story

I read over some recent entries and I realized my blog used to be far funnier. But what happened was this: First one person then another got their knickers in a knot because they thought I was poking fun at them. Well, I was. So, someone gets their feelings hurt, then I stop blogging about them. A friend once (or more than once) accused me of being too nice and maybe he was right. Me! The greatest proponent of free speech, the First Amendment, self expression, non-conformity and freedom in jo... Read Full Story

Me: What is that on the radio?CoWorker: It is Lily Allen singing AlfieMe: It sounds like a polka.CW: It does, a little. I'm not digging it.Me: It is a polka. You only hear polkas at weddings... right after everyone does the chicken dance.CW: My nephew announced that he learned the chicken dance and the Macarena. Me: He was bragging about that?CW: He is five. I told him he was all set when he gets married.Me: Who ever decided that the chicken dance and the macarena were great w... Read Full Story