To Celebrate finally(#1) getting my grubby little mitts on the new Guns N’ Roses album - Chinese democracy.Today I’ve mostly been…….…Axel W RoseAnd have spent the day singing in a nasally whine and starting feuds The morning started on a massive high .. ..Until some twat decided the original cover of Appetite was obscene and I started a Fued The morning went well. Feuding with my band mates kept me amused untill I discovered Vince Neil had borrowed my make-up(#2) and I started a FeudThen Spen... Read Full Story
Today I’ve mostly been......... Judge DreddBut as its Saturday. I’m not metering out punishment on the bleak leafy streets of mega-city-middle-EnglandInstead I’m having a bit of a tidy around the house(#1) ….So today I’ve mostly been blessed in the chin department, looking stern and wearing a pinnieThe morning started badly..My traditional garb of justice was somewhat spoiled by the flowery apron, and the lack of crimes happening in SSB Castle made it somewhat boring?So, at dinnertime I decid... Read Full Story
Due to the failure of the original Scubamonica™ and our total inability to give up just because a product is RUBBISH!Blatantly Stupid Ideas unveil the new and improved Scubamonica™ MKII(#1)Our testers found that the Scubamonica™s tinkly harmonica music successfully stopped divers from being mischievous. BUT, they soon got bored and went back to fish poking and reef damaging. Something was obviously missing?We caught & observed a bunch of Goths. These observations revealed two things..1: Y... Read Full Story
SSB Enterprises welcomes a new staff member..Due to lack of sales and a total lack of interest in SSB’ and Blatantly Stupid’ productsSSB has set up the Aggressive Marketing & Unusual Punishment DepartmentTheir aim: to gain potential customers and drum up interestWe had only one applicant, but…According to her Curriculum Vitae, Raven excelled in her previous position in the Buy Now Or PAYne Later Department and was quickly promoted to the Squeezing Tender Bits Till You Submit Department. A... Read Full Story
I wish i was....... ....YodaToday I’ve mostly been……YodaAnd have spent the day….……..Very uncomfortable with Jim Henson’s hand up my arse & looking like Kermit’s ugly, older brothers’ testaclesThe day started peacefully enough thoughUntil some hillbilly, farm boy, hick(#1) shattered it. By crashing, what can only be described as, a flying penis into my swamp!I spent the rest of the morning watching him. Until, possibly due to pity or (more likely) due to getting annoyed at him and his chir... Read Full Story
This morning I found a ancient chicken wing that bares a remarkable resemblance to Otzi the Iceman preserved in my fridges ice compartment.. Being naturally curious (!?!) I wanted to know if the chicken wing could be defrosted and brought back to life?My first thought was to extract some DNA and clone the wing.If all went well. I could clone other frozen produce(#1). Then set up Glaciallic Park!! But thoughts of things going wrong, having to escape from a fierce rampaging pasty and Jeff Gol... Read Full Story
After a late night working. Then having to get up at some un-godly hour that should only ever be seen by milkmen and insomniacs, my brain feels like it’s wrapped in cotton wool and needs shutting down pending a re-boot(#1)!The thought of giving my brain the day off appealed greatly and triggered memories of the EGO-TRIP offered by the Rekal company in the classic Arnie movie - Total Recall……"What is it that is exactly the same about every single vacation you have ever taken?…………..You! Yo... Read Full Story
…….Ozzy OsbourneToday I’ve mostly been…..Ozzy Osbourne(#1) and have spent the day..….. speaking in a mumbly slur, & swearing like a sailor with tourettes.The day started well enough.. Until I was accused of being unreliable then was replaced with a poison dwarf called Ronnie..A dinner of bat head soup and dove surprise went down well. But as I was wearing my girlfriends dress, I got confused trying to decide which bathroom to use. So, I relieved myself on a nearby historic landmark & ... Read Full Story
Today Is My Birthday...And as surprised as I was, I found..I hadn't gone bald and grey overnight! I neither suddenly need to use a Zimmer frame or miraculously found my trousers reached my nipples!!.. I still had to survey the damage suffered, (by 40 years of debauchery) in the bathroom mirror..And let me tell you.. It wasn't a pretty sight first thing..This got me thinking.....I'm 40!! Eeeek!I'm not immortalS**t 40!I don't wanna get old!!40!That Dorian bloke, who sold me ... Read Full Story
