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Maddie was such a curious little girl. I remember one occasion when I was holding her in the NICU. She was on my lap facing me, but her eyes were focused on the nursing staff bustling behind me. And even though I know newborns can’t see well (especially preemies), but I could swear that she was studying those nurses.
As she grew older, her curiosity only increased. She wanted to SEE and TOUCH everything, especially if her mommy or daddy or grandparents or uncle or anyone else had it in ... Read Full Story
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I’ve joked about Maddie being my sidekick but she really was. We took her everywhere with us. We weren’t those people that just brought their kid inappropriate places or anything like that. We only brought her when she was invited – and she was always invited.
Last June we went to a party in honor of a friend of ours. Nora wrote a TV-movie that was on Lifetime (WHOOO LIFETIME!), and the party was to watch the debut airing.
It was a really hot June day, and I wanted to keep M... Read Full Story
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First things first - I have an amazing new blog design and I am thrilled with it! Samantha (of the blogs Temporarily Me and Craftastrophe) from Temptation Designs put this together for me. Samantha, thank you for EVERYTHING you have done for me and my family the last two months. Everyone else? Sam is available to do blog design for you! Go check her out, she is the BEST!
I love my husband dearly, but Mike is all boy. He is a messy eater, picks at scabs, and thinks burps and farts are hysteric... Read Full Story
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After Maddie passed away, my Aunt Kathy started emailing me stories she’d planned on sharing with Madeline. As the oldest of my mom’s siblings, Kathy has always had a better recollection of the many events that happened during their childhood. Some of the stories I’ve heard a few times, and they always bring a smile to my face. Others are new to me, and I cling to every word, seeing the adventures unfold in my mind.
My favorite stories are the ones she tells of my grandma. M... Read Full Story
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There are some nights when I open my computer up to write, and the words pour out of my fingers as if they are coming from another place. And then there are other nights when I stare at the screen and think, “remember when I used to write about flashing my boobs at a nail salon?”
Man, I miss that. Well, not the flashing part.
I sit down many nights intending to tell a funny story. There are so many I haven’t told. Then, suddenly, I’ll realize what day it is. Today mark... Read Full Story
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Today is the first day of June. Another month my Maddie won’t see.
June was supposed to bring Maddie’s first trip to the beach, her first time touching the ocean. It was supposed to bring another Father’s Day for Mike, pool parties, and swimming lessons. Now it is filled with the dull gloom of sorrow.
June is normally my favorite month of the year. Normally I’d be annoyingly announcing to everyone that JUNE! IS! MY! BIRTHDAY! MONTH! Normally there would be a countdown ... Read Full Story
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On Maddie’s last night, I sat in a chair next to her bed. The PICU didn’t allow beds for the parents to sleep in. Yeah, I know, we’ll just all take a moment to acknowledge how stupid that is and then move on…..OK. The PICU staff was very nice, and offered to bring over a TV/VCR so I could play videos to entertain Maddie. Their video stock was vast, and I picked a couple of my favorites. First we watched “The Wizard of Oz.” I sang along to all the songs. Eve... Read Full Story
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Last month I had a physical with Dr. Looove. I hadn’t had an exam since before I was pregnant with Maddie, so it was definitely time. It was good to see Dr. Looove. I was so used to seeing her at least once a month for Maddie’s check-ups, shots, etc. We talked about Maddie for 25 minutes before she even got to the exam.
Because my pregnancy had so many complications, Dr. Looove ordered more than the usual panel of tests. I had some major blood work - 14 vials of blood were taken t... Read Full Story
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I did my family a disservice in yesterday’s post. They talk about Madeline often, and I know they miss her with all their hearts. I was just sad that, in our first gathering together since her service, no one mentioned her. Including me. I do realize that the onus of talking about her lays on me and Mike. And I understand that no one knows how to act or what to say for fear of upsetting us. I have the same fears you all do. I don’t want to be a downer. I don’t want to upset ... Read Full Story
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I feel like I’m always on the brink of tears, but I never know what’s going to push me over the edge. I watch the news about other families who have lost kids, and I think, “This is where I would normally be crying.” But then I’ll see a story about a woman in her 80s who graduated from college with her grandson, and I bawl for 20 minutes. Or I’ll cry because my plant died, or that an event was canceled, or at a detergent commercial. But reading about a fri... Read Full Story
